The Dateable Dork

I’m home!  I had planned on checking in this past weekend, but my whirlwind travel plans left me pretty sleepy and I never made it to the blog.  Oh well!  I actually went on two grad school visits – the one in CA last week, and one here in the northeast early this week.  Craziness!  I’ve been out of work for an entire week!  Ahhhh!  There is SO much to write about, and unfortunately that post is not going to happen tonight.  BUT, here are some previews: (1) there was definitely some beach time in CA; (2) I saw a ton of super hot surfers; (3) I saw a ton of super hot 20-something grad students; and (4) I fell in love… with a school.  Big smiles all around tonight.  : )  More later!

Well my dears, the time has come.  I will be going on my first grad school campus visit this week – ahhhh!  So exciting, especially because it’s allllllllll the way out on the west coast (far away from this crappy/snowy/rainy weather we’ve been having in New York) in the magical world of sunny California.  Pacific Ocean, here I come!!!  Oh baby!  Swimsuit – check.  Beachfront hotel – check.  Weather forecast for 65 degrees – eh, not exactly what I was hoping for, but I’ll take it.  Can’t wait!

I’ll be away from the blog for a few days but will probably be checking back in this weekend.  Hopefully I’ll come back with a few photos of palm trees and my pasty white toes in the ocean, not to mention a good idea of whether this particular school has real potential as my future home.  I am just SO curious as to how this will all turn out, you know?  And to be perfectly honest, I’m just so excited to get out of the northeast!  A rare occurrence for me, as travel doesn’t really fit into my always-too-tight budget. 

As Chandler would say, could I BE any more excited about this upcoming trip???  : )

Dear blog,

There was once a time when I could tell you everything, when you were my BFF, when I would tell you things that I didn’t tell anyone else, and when I could write freely and openly and really spill my guts to you.  Remember those days?  Ah yes, I remember them fondly.  But blog, what happened to us?  Why aren’t you my BFF anymore?  I have to admit, my dear blog, that I have some interesting information that I’ve been mulling over for a few days now, and I’ve been holding out on you all this time.  Yes, you read that right.  I’ve betrayed you, and I just don’t think I feel comfortable putting my guts out on the table with you anymore.  What a sad, sad situation this has become.

Is it because someone in my real life barged into our little world that time?  Is it because I’ve grown jaded and vulnerable and can’t bear to cut open that scar tissue anymore?  What is it, blog?  What happened to our great relationship?

It’s only the posts that leave me the most exposed, the most naked, the most raw and imperfect that I can’t bear to share with you anymore.  The posts that truly define me as a human being.  The posts that I started up this blog to write about in the first place.  The best posts, really.  The posts that help me deal with things, that help me get things out of my head, that free me from that internal chaos that stews and festers and drives me crazy. 

I don’t know what to tell you, my dear blog.  There’s something missing between us now.  I hate that it’s missing, and I don’t know how to fix it.  I miss you.  I want you back.  I don’t where to go from here.

Love always,

~DD

I came down with a stomach bug on Monday night and have been home sick for the past two days.  Ugh.  Why have I been getting so sick this winter?  It’s getting to the point where I’m going to have to take time off without pay for my upcoming grad school visits because I’m really running out of sick/vacation time at work.  Not to mention the fact that I’m just so sick of being sick!  WTF, universe???  Today I’m attempting to transform back into a human being but am still moving around really slowly and haven’t been eating much.  At least the bug seems to be gone at this point, and I haven’t found myself half-dead on the bathroom floor since yesterday.

My plan for tomorrow is to re-join civilization and get my butt back to the office.  As for the rest of today, I’m hanging out on the couch with an upset stomach and a cup of tea.  Maybe tonight I’ll actually be able to eat a decent meal for dinner.  Wish me luck.

Everything all of a sudden seems so REAL now that I’m holding the 100% official — signed by the dean of the graduate school – acceptance letter and fellowship offer in my hands.  On university letterhead.  In a nice shiny folder.  With dollar signs and a little box to check “accept” and give them my social security number and sign up for direct deposit.  And health care enrollment info.  And housing info.  And a big fat welcome and congrats from all the various heads of departments and committees.  DUDE, I am SO loving this.  I almost squealed out loud when I saw the big fat envelope in the mail today!  Looking back, I don’t know why I didn’t, actually. 

Let’s see… how many more days before I can quit my job and sign on the dotted line???  : )

So exciting!!!!

This weekend I went ice skating for the first time in, oh, about 15 years.  Dudes, it was awesome!  I was really into in-line skating as a teenager, and all my old moves came rushing back, only this time, on the ice.  I think in-line skating and ice skating are pretty similar, for a completely amaetur recreationist at least.  I spent the weekend practicing all the old maneuvers that I used to spend hours perfecting on the street in front of my house as a kid – the turns, the stops, the balancing (balancing was #1, actually).  And yes, I fell on my ass a few times.  But it was so great!  I had a ton of fun and am looking forward to going back.  I’m also really excited that this seems to be one of the few physical activities that my body naturally adapts to.  Awesome.  Am thinking about buying a cheap pair of skates to last me the rest of the season.  Yay ice skating!  Maybe I’ll even attempt a quad a-la-Plushenko (hahaha) or get a pink shoulder tassel a-la-Weir.  Actually, the pink tassel should be my priority, don’t you think?  That, and a cute little outfit for me to skate in.  Of course.  : )

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OMG, did you see that AWESOME snowboarding tonight????  And the downhill skiing???  Holy shit!  I am totally PUMPED for the return of men’s figure skating tomorrow night, not to mention the women’s figure skating still to come.  So exciting!!

Ok, just had to get that out.  : )

Remember a few weeks ago when I got a completely random and heart-stopping email from the five-year BF?  Well, I’ve been letting it fester in my inbox for a few weeks while I pondered the situation.  First I had to get over the shock of receiving such an email in the first place, then I needed to completely wipe it out of  my head for a few days to clear my mind and settle down, and then I really got to thinking about how I wanted to handle the situation, if at all.  For a while I thought that I wouldn’t respond and instead just leave the past in the past, avoiding the whole dredging-up-of-old-feelings that was bound to happen if we got back in touch, especially now that he’s getting married.  But then I started thinking about how much I cared for and respected him, and I just couldn’t NOT respond to his perfectly pleasant note.  So, tonight I emailed him back.  Gulp.

I made it very short and sweet – just a sentence or two.  I said that I heard that he was getting married, offered him my congratulations, told him I was going back to school, and said that I hoped he and his family are all doing well.  That’s it.  I feel so much better after hitting send on that email, not so much because of anything to do with his message in particular, but more because it gives me some closure on this issue that has been slowing eating away at me for the last few weeks.  I hate having the ball in my court, so I bounced it right back over to him.  Phew. 

Who knows what, if anything, will happen from here, but it is what it is.  Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, you know?  This one just happened to knock me on my ass, big time.

As I was running some errands the other day and reflecting on my hot tub night with NYL (drooling, with ga-ga eyes, as usual), I inadvertently stumbled upon an interesting realization: I’m enjoying sex much more these days for the intimacy as opposed to the orgasms.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I really do enjoy the orgasms.  But what I’ve really been taking away from these past few nights with NYL is the physical intimacy with another human being.  Simply the act of physically touching him, the kissing, the eye contact, the trust and comfort you have to have with someone to really enjoy sex… it’s all so much more satisfying than the eye-popping moments when his tongue executes a performance worthy of an Olympic medal.  (Too bad there’s no official event for that, ha.)

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Happy V-Day, everyone!  : )  In honor of yet another Valentine’s Day as a single woman, I’m going grocery shopping, paying bills, watching the Olympics, and having dinner with a friend (another single woman).  How romantic, right?  Ha.  Am I bitter?  Maybe a little.  Have I been rolling my eyes at all the cheesy V-Day commercials lately?  Umm, yes.  Do I purposefully look away when I pass by all the roses on the street corners?  Definitely.  I think this one is hitting a little harder than usual, not sure why.  I just keep telling myself that all I have to do is hang in there for a few more months.  Head down, power through.  I still think V-Day is a great opportunity to celebrate ALL the people you love, friends and family included, so I’m focusing on that.  Hope you all have a good one!  : )