The Dateable Dork

The packing is winding down, the final arrangements are being made, I am completely exhausted, and somehow I will manage to carry heavy boxes all day on Saturday.  God help me.  My only salvation is that I am heading off to what is essentially a dream come true for me, and to say that I am absolutely thrilled that this is happening is the understatement of the year.

This is my last post from my apartment in New York, and since my cable cuts out tomorrow morning, I’ll be on an internet blackout for the next few days.  See you on the flip side.  Boston, here I come.

OMG I am so stressed out about this move!  I am seriously on the verge (for the second time) of a moving-induced panic attack.  Where’s the xanax when you need it???  I had NO IDEA how much work would be involved here, and I am finding myself totally overwhelmed and extremely anxious and on edge.  And I hate to say it because I pride myself on being super independent, but it would have been REALLY nice to have someone to help me with all this shit.  Future husband, I will get you back for this one day!  Ahhhhhhhhhh.  I don’t even know what else to say because I am just so frazzled and worried and generally in a crappy mood.  Give me the strength to get through this in one piece.

T-minus 4 days till moving day… cue music of doom…

Hello my dears!  : )

I’m so sorry that I’ve been MIA for so long!  To be honest, I didn’t even realize how long it had been until I just saw that my last post was a solid month ago, yikes!

Here’s a quick update on what’s been going down these days:

(1) Moving is totally and completely stressing me out.  I was on the verge of a panic attack a few days ago, which was the culmination of several weeks of non-stop planning and making arrangements and overall driving myself insane.

(2) Downsizing my life to such a huge extent is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  This is crazy!  I have been essentially getting rid of everything I own, including all my furniture, which is apparently impossible to sell!  WTF, right?

(3) Moving from one crowded city with no parking to another crowded city with no parking is a major pain in the ass and is insanely expensive.  I am hemorrhaging money!

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It’s funny how I’m busier now that I’m unemployed than when I was actually working.  Who knew?  Between fun summer get-togethers, catching up on all my doctor’s appointments for the university health care program, and planning stuff for the new apartment, I feel like I barely have enough time to squeeze out this post.  Craziness!  But busy is good, and this is a really good kind of busy.  : )  Two notable things today:

(1) I went to Home Depot today to look at paint samples (how exciting!), and even though I was only walking around the store for a half hour or so, at least 5 or 6 employees asked me if I needed help finding something.  Note that they didn’t ask all other random people next to me if they needed help, just me.  Apparently I look really out of place at Home Depot or something.  I suppose it didn’t hurt that I was wearing a bring pink shirt and a miniskirt (not exactly a Home Depot outfit, I admit), but hello?  I’m 30 years old and can find my way to the paint section, thank-you-very-much.  One guy actually said, “You look too young to own a house.”  WTF??? 

(2) This afternoon I went furniture shopping (also very exciting!) and totally got picked up by a young furniture salesman.  Hahaha!  The best part was that – get this – the pink shirt I happened to be wearing today had my new university name slapped across the front in big letters (I’m proud, so sue me), and this guy said he was so intrigued that he just had to come over and ask me if I go to school there.  Who knew this school was a magnet for young bachelors???  : )  Awesome!!!  So I told him all about my grad program, and he was eating up every bit of it.  We probably chatted for a half hour or so, and I walked away with his cell number.  HA!

If this is a sign of things to come, this blog will be getting a lot more exciting in the next few months.  : )  Note to self: need to get a lot more of those pink t-shirts.

OMG I freaking love IKEA!!!  I went there today just to do some recon and get ideas for furnishing my new tiny apartment, and holy crap they have everything!  And it’s all so cheap!  And did I mention that they have *everything*???  If anyone was in IKEA today and saw a crazy girl flipping out and talking to herself and measuring things and squealing with glee, that was me.  OMG.  I died and went to heaven.  I think my trip to IKEA today was probably better than about half the sex I’ve had in my life.  It was just *that* good.  YUM YUM IKEA!!!

Hands down, the best part about the trip was that they had these mock apartments set up in the showroom, including some *tiny* city apartments just like the one I’ll have in Cambridge.  There was even a 275-sq-ft mock-up, which was perfect for me because my new place is 300-sq-ft.  Holy crap do these Swedish people know how to pack stuff into a tiny space and make it look fabulous.  I was blown away.  I took a ton of photos and wrote down the product numbers and dimensions of all the pieces I liked, and then I came home and started an Excel mock-up of my new place (based on measurements I took when I rented it), and tomorrow I’m going to start placing pieces in my Excel-ified apartment to see how it’ll all go together.  I am so freaking excited, you have no idea.

Oh IKEA, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways…  : )

DAMN.  After meeting my very cute and very married male friend last week for lunch, and after he gave me such a thoughtful and personalized going-away present, and after we had a drunken conversation about sex at 2:00 in the afternoon, I am finding myself all riled up and dying to ride this guy like a ruthless home-wrecking slut.  Hahaha!  Last night I had Part 2 of my completely taboo sexual fantasy, and oh, my dears, waking up from these dreams is just the cruelest twist of fate ever.  God help me!  Not only that, but when I finally do wake up, I feel absolutely horrible for lusting after this guy, considering that he’s a really nice guy with a super-nice wife and a perfectly cute little family of rugrats.  What is wrong with me???

Last night I dreamt that, similar to last time, this guy had decided to ditch his wife and hook up with me instead, which was great because we could both finally indulge in our animalistic fantasies after holding them in for so long.  This time around, for some reason we had decided that I would spend a few nights at his place as if my apartment was being fumigated or painted or something, even though nothing was going on.  The wife would be relegated to their bedroom, and this guy and I would hook up on the couch in the living room while the kids were sleeping.  How ridiculous and completely random it all was! 

One thing I remember vividly was the look on his face when we finally hooked up for the first time (or, at least, the look I imagined he would have), as if we had both been waiting for years for this to happen, and we were meant to be together all along.  I remember how scandalous it all was, with other friends finding out that I was staying at his place and wondering what the hell was going on.  And I certainly remember the instant that we started having sex – the moment of penetration is always so amazingly hot, am I right ladies? 

Ahhhhh, if only this could happen in real life.  But then again, if all of our sexual fantasies came true, they wouldn’t be such juicy fantasies anymore, would they?  : )

Earlier this week, in my new-found unemployed bliss, I went shopping during the afternoon and picked up a few new summer dresses – no big deal, just cute little dresses to wear around town while enjoying my vast expanse of free time.  I scored some major sales and got four dresses for 10 bucks each – not bad!  This morning I decided to pick out one of my new dresses and test drive it running some errands, so I threw it on, dropped off some mail, and picked up some stuff at the drug store… all the while thinking about how cute I must have looked in my new $10 dress.  When I got home, I was washing my hands in the bathroom and looked up to see that MY NIPPLE HAD BEEN HANGING OUT THE ENTIRE TIME.

Did I mention that I decided not to wear a bra with this dress?  It’s one of those things with a “built-in” bra-like structure, and it was super hot today, so I figured what the hell.  The dress fit well enough and my boobs are small enough that I often go bra-less in summer dresses like this and have never had a problem.  But apparently in my efforts to push up my boobs *just* enough so that I have a little cleavage, I must have pushed a little too far and not noticed until I got back home.  How embarrassing!

Oh well, I guess I must have given the cashier at the drug store a little more than she bargained for.  Note to self: always check for nipple exposure before leaving the apartment.  But I wonder… if my A-cup boobs managed to bust out of this dress, how in the world do women with bigger boobs wear these things???

P.S. – Like my tank-top tan?  : )

As in, he’s done.  With me.  For the foreseeable future.

The NMP finally called me back tonight (after I had sent him 2 texts and 1 voicemail over the past 2 weeks or so), and he basically said that he’s “sick and tired” of me “fucking dictating everything” and said that he’s done dealing with my bullshit.  The conversation lasted about 30 seconds.  In the same breath that he said all of that, he also said goodbye, and I was about to hang up the phone when I realized that he hadn’t actually hung up yet.  So I waited kind of a long time, and neither one of us hung up.  And I was this close to calling him on it when I decided to just cut my losses and hang up.  I didn’t say goodbye – I just hung up.

To be honest: this sucks.  I hate that I fucked up our friendship so horribly, and I hate that he gave me too many reasons to be pissed at him.  Why are our interactions so doomed?  What happened to my friend?  Argh.  Not seeing him is probably for the best, but not even talking to him?  Not sure I ever really wanted that, but here it is, slapped in my face whether I like it or not.  Ouch.

I guess now I know how he feels.

Ahhhhhhhh.  I just took a big, deep breath when I sat down to write this post.  I think the last time I had any down time was about two weeks ago, which is a really long time for me.  It’s been a busy first half of the week, what with the trip up to Boston and then catching up with everything here at home.  Here’s what’s been going on:

Yesterday I had a three-hour lunch with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while – this guy, actually.  He also just quit his job recently, so we were both unemployed with nothing to do on a random Tuesday afternoon, and we sat and had fresh seafood and margaritas by the water on a warm, sunny day.  Niiiiiiice.  Also nice: my very married friend was as cute as ever.  Another nice thing: he got me a going-away present.  We had been talking about this book on and off for the last few months, and he did some online searching for the particular edition that he had when he was a kid, and there it was waiting for me when I showed up for lunch.  How sweet!  It was only after I got home that I noticed that he had written a little message inside the front cover, and reading his good wishes in his own handwriting in this book that he had hunted down for me was just really heartwarming.  I slept with that book on my nightstand last night.

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After what seemed like the most stressful experience ever, my apartment hunt in Boston is over, and I have a signed lease in my hands.  Phew!!!  The market in Cambridge is absolutely ridiculous – places get scooped up just hours after they hit the market, prices are sky high, quality is sketchy, and if you want to be within walking distance to public transportation, you have to sacrifice size and modern amenities.  (At least, this was my experience – any locals care to weigh in?) 

I wound up taking a 300-square-foot studio apartment in an amazing location.  The building seems to be old enough to have housed the founders of the university, but I’m right smack dab in the middle of the hustle and bustle, so I’m happy.  Hopefully being nice and close will make it easier to make new friends, and if I’m really unhappy with the apartment, I can move next year once I know the area a little better and have the convenience of being local while apartment shopping.  All in all, I’m very happy with how it all turned out, and I’m even happier that the crazy apartment hunt is over!

So… anyone want any of my furniture?  Or all of it?  : )