What defines a fantastic fuck?
Alexander asked a great question in the comments on my last post [in which I remembered a "very naked weekend" with New Year's Lips after we had first met]: “So what is it that qualifies as a ‘fantastic fuck’ as opposed to just a ‘fuck’??” Well, my dear Alexander, I could go on and on about this, as I’m sure you could as well, so here ya go. Enjoy. : )
Qualities of a Fantastic Fuck, by The Dateable Dork
- A fantastic fuck involves some sort of minor injury or bodily harm. I should be gasping for air, I should lose my voice, I should be completely exhausted and dehydrated by the end of it, and several muscles should be sore. Maybe I might even pull a muscle. Maybe I might even discover I muscle that I never knew was there. I shouldn’t be able to walk the next day. The fantastic fuck should ravage my body, leaving me helpless and in need of recovery as I smile from ear to ear in my post-orgasmic glow.
- A fantastic fuck involves waking up neighbors, no matter how far away they may be located. Not only should I be screaming, but the guy should be really vocal as well. I want to know exactly how much he’s enjoying it, and I want that surprised and goofy-eyed “Holy shit!” as he realizes that I’m a much better fuck than he might have thought. And don’t be shy – yell at me, baby! Order me around a bit. Take control and make me worship your gorgeous body. There’s nothing worse than silent sex. A fantastic fuck is loud, very loud.
- A fantastic fuck always involves a little spanking. Let’s face it, my ass needs a little attention. And seriously, after all those years of Catholic school, a little spanking makes me feel like I’m really breaking the rules and being a bad, bad girl. Most guys I’ve encountered aren’t really into spanking (dumbasses), but I’ve certainly come across some spanking enthusiasts – Mr. Perfect and Mr. Great Kisser were excellent spankers. : ) A good spanking should leave a mark. Don’t be shy – smack that ass!
- A fantastic fuck involves some sort of minor furniture damage – a dent in the headboard, a crack in the drywall, breaking a spring in the mattress, chipping the kitchen counter, etc. Nothing too serious, but just a little reminder to look at later and say, “Remember that night? Yeah, that was a fantastic fuck.”
- This should really have been first on the list, but a fantastic fuck always involves a handful of orgasms for both of us, but more importantly, for me. : ) Not only does the fantastic fucker know exactly how to get me off, but he knows how to do it again and again, and he WANTS to do it again and again. And the orgasms should involve some variety – make me come in every way imaginable. Make me come in ways that I’ve never come before. Make me remember you for your amazing moves, your perfect touch, your mastery of the female anatomy. And in return, I’ll get you off all night long. I know my way around a gorgeous cock, and I’m not afraid to bust out my best moves on a well-deserving guy. Shit, just typing this is getting me all excited…
- But moving right along… a fantastic fuck involves some sort of meaning. Yeah, I know, I’m being sappy here, but we’re talking about a fantastic fuck. FANTASTIC. And yeah, I want a guy to actually care about me as he’s pounding my brains out. It’s nice. I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me how beautiful I am. I want him to hold me and kiss me and make me feel like it all actually means something. You know how sex with someone you really care about is so much better than casual sex (most of the time, anyway)? That’s what I call a fantastic fuck.
- A fantastic fuck might, but does not necessarily, involve a few props. Vibrating props. Enough said. : )
- A fantastic fuck involves oral sex, given and received by both me and the lucky bastard who’s naked in my bed. I cannot understand how some guys are just not that into oral sex. I mean, come on, people! A good cocksucking and pussy eating are requisites for a solid fuck, and really good oral sex makes for a fantastic fuck. Allow me to mention here how there has STILL been no oral with Hot Marine [still no oral as of September 2009!]. I just don’t think he’s into it! Or maybe he’s just not into it with me? Who knows. It’s all very strange. Anyway, oral is important, and I demand it as a component of a fantastic fuck.
- And finally, a fantastic fuck involves fluids. LOTS of fluids. What would sex be without all the fluids? The more, the better. I want to be completely covered in bodily fluid by the end of it. I want to drown in a sea of cum and sweat and all that good stuff. Pour it on, baby. That’s why summer sex is so great – all the sweat. Oh, and did anyone notice that summer is right around the corner? I need to find me a new man, and fast. I’m due for a fantastic fuck. : )
