Embracing the inner DD
First of all, thanks for such a warm response! I’m very glad to be back. : )
So, I mentioned in my last post that the main reason I started up this new site is because this blog makes me happy, plain and simple. I love writing, chatting, and yes, taking the occasional photo of myself in my sexy underwear. Is that really so bad? I didn’t think so. : )
But here’s the deal: I really felt like shit after what I’ll call “the incident” that resulted in taking down the old blog. I mean, to have someone who’s really into you read all the dirty details about your life and end up completely revolted and never wanting to see you again… well, let me tell ya, that fucking sucks. For a while I thought that I was a really horrible, awful person. What other explanation could there be? I had convinced myself that if anyone ever got to know the real DD, inside and out, they would surely be just as horrified as that poor guy that I had been dating. Apparently my real personality was just so revolting that I had resolved to never show it to anyone ever again. (Pretty messed up, right?) I was in a pretty shitty state for a few weeks, until I realized what was wrong with me:
I needed to embrace the inner DD.
There’s a big part of my personality (the sexy dork part) that is just totally inappropriate to express in normal social situations, so I choose to express it here on the blog. Without this site, I would be repressing my inner DD, and you all know that would just suck the sexiness right out of her. And people, we can’t have that. It’s bad enough that she gets repressed most of the time anyway! I have to be a professional dork at work, I have to be a good Catholic girl around my family, and even my friends are significantly more conservative than I am. I just can’t seem to find people in my real life who can roll with my craziness, so I use this site as an outlet for all my inappropriate thoughts, comments, fantasies, rants and raves, etc. Why the hell not?Â
So I finally decided that my personality isn’t all that horrible after all. In fact, I fucking love it! It’s me, and I need to embrace that. And here’s another important realization: I need to find a guy who can embrace the inner DD as well. Clearly I’ve dated some guys who were NOT cool with all my shit, and that is NOT cool with me. I mean, you’re supposed to be all sexy and hot and dirty with your significant other, right? I need a man who can handle the fact that I’m a dork by day and sex kitten by night. And boys, if you can’t handle it, please just MOVE ALONG.
During my little hiatus, I did a lot of reading on blogging and setting up a website and all that good stuff, and one thing I read really stuck with me. One of the books started off by saying that everyone has a different reason for writing/blogging/etc., and it doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as the experience fulfills your own personal goals. When I read that sentence, I had no idea what my reasons were. I was still kind of depressed and hating myself and being a big pouty mess. I was like, “I don’t know WHAT the fuck my reasons are, because clearly everything just blew up in my face!” Man, what a downer. But after I decided to embrace all my craziness and roll with it, I realized that this blog allows me to express, on a daily basis, all the stupid things that I can’t express in real life. I mean, if I wind up making out with some funky guy in a bar, who I am going to share all the dirty details with??? My conservative friend/coworker at the office? My mom? The old lady down the street? No, my friends, I share these things with you. Now don’t you feel special? : )
In other news, today I put up my miniature plastic Christmas tree (it’s a classic, trust me) and meticulously arranged a bunch of lights in my windows – can’t believe the holidays are upon us. And good thing I’m feeling much happier/cheerier these days, because I can’t be grumpy when I unwrap up all my presents! Now if only I could receive a gift wrapped in cute little boxers and some whipped cream…. yum yum, baby. Merry Christmas, indeed.
Dork, I spotted something today that reminded me of you. This is what *should* have happened when you-know-who spotted your blog:
http://phaedrafallen.wordpress.com/2008/11/14/not-a-mistake-at-all/
Best wishes for DD meeting an X and not another <X.
December 10th, 2008 at 6:13 pmWelcome back
And glad ur not letting things get to you.
Just because someone has another outlook on life does not make you bad. They’re just different. So what? Enjoy being you.
I think I would go completely insane if I couldn’t write about my life. Just I use songs…
When I’m not happy, I’m not writing/recording.
When I am happy… man I’m non-stop writing/recording.
Tony’s last blog post..null
December 10th, 2008 at 6:41 pmI agree with post 1 — even though there were some aspects of the situation you referenced that he had reason to be irked about — but many guys, and the right guy for you, would LOVE your blog. It would turn them on and they’d have a hardon all day at work waiting to get home to read how you described your encounters.
You never (or rarely) spoke about a guy/date/partner with any disrespect, even if it didn’t work out or they were a schrutebag.
I only wish I were a subject of this blog.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:20 pmDD – In total agreement with RM. You know “He Who Must Not Be Named” should have been more adult about his treatment of you when he found the original blog. Seriously, he’s old enough to be polite about expressing his feelings without making you feel like shit.
And I’d go Corleone Style on whoever ratted the blog out to him. You know, stick a horse’s head in bed with them.
We’re glad you’re back and proud to be trusted with your secret, sex-kitteny/dorky side.
December 11th, 2008 at 1:06 pmI’m new to your blog and kind of sorry I missed version 1.0. But, you hit the nail on the head. Make this your space. And if others don’t like it, they don’t have to stick around. Plain and simple as that!
Nilsa’s last blog post..Results
December 11th, 2008 at 3:45 pmWell, don’t keep us in suspense…are you getting any action these days? Nooky? Knocking boots? Hanky panky? Let’s hear it!
Lance’s last blog post..7 Thought Leaders in the Dating & Pickup Industry
December 11th, 2008 at 5:13 pmRM – Hells yeah, I WISH that would have happened! LOL!!! : ) (Thanks for the link – that looks like an awesome site.)
Tony – Yeah, I definitely need an outlet, and this is it. I did let things get to me for a while, but I’m finally getting over it.
Jonsi – Hahaha, maybe if I ever find myself in San Diego again…. But seriously, I totally agree with you about the blog, and I want to elaborate a little bit:
I think there are 3 main reasons why he was so upset with me, in order of importance: (1) I didn’t tell him about a medical condition that he really had the right to know about. I admit I screwed up here. (2) He didn’t like that the details of his relationship were plastered all over the internet. (3) He didn’t like all the other stuff he read, presumably about previous guys, etc.
The main reason, by far, was clearly #1. Given that, the post above discusses #2 and #3 and how I hope that (one day) I’ll meet a guy who is ok with my crazy life.
Chris – Thank you, and I agree. Also, just for the record, he found this site himself… after I practically handed it to him on a silver platter. I was so delusional at the time that I didn’t realize all the huge hints I had given him, so I’m not surprised at all that he found it. Oh well.
Nilsa – Rock on! Thanks for the encouragement. Hopefully version 2.0 will be as good as the first one, which I totally loved. : )
Lance – Whoa, keep your dick in your pants, babe! The short answer is no, but I do have a few good stories to tell. : )
The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Embracing the inner DD
December 11th, 2008 at 8:20 pmI am so happy you are happy. I kept trying to please everyone, and I finally realized that you just have to please yourself.
P.s. totally get what you mean about being crazier on the inside, than being on the outside. You always have us. Even if you are not, to quote Lance, all about nooky. We like the rest of you too.
NewWrldYankee’s last blog post..Beau Series – Part I What does it mean to be an American?
December 13th, 2008 at 2:36 amIt just shows DD how many grown up males are not men. Only thing of importance is the first reason, and really not as big a deal since he hadn’t fucked your brains out yet.
I gotta say though I am sorry the short answer is no. Was rooting for you even though I thought you were gone.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:48 am