The Dateable Dork

Have you heard the remix of Kanye West’s Love Lockdown on the radio lately?  I think this song totally rocks, especially considering my long-time love of both dance music and Kanye West.  You should see me rocking out to this song – my dorky dance moves are in full effect, not to mention the loud (off-key) singing and all-around funkiness.  (Sorry, no pictures.  You can’t make me!)  But dudes, the best part?  These kick-ass lyrics that I think are totally clever, catchy, and bad-ass all at the same time:

I’m in love with you, but the love is gone.
It ain’t over baby, ‘cuz we still can bone…
I see that day you left me, for another dude,
And now your heart is empty, feeling so confused.
Now you want me back, trying to re-attach,
Begging “please” on your knees, trying to suck me back!
But you done broke my heart into a million pieces,
I should’ve seen it coming, wish I had telekinesis!
I said you broke my heart into a million pieces…
I can’t love you, but I can fuck you ’til you call me Jesus!

How friggin awesome is that???  I mean, seriously, “Begging ‘please’ on your knees, trying to suck me back?”  LOVE IT!!!  And I love that they play this shit on the radio in the middle of the day, totally uncensored.  What’s not to love???  Oh Kanye, I might just have to add you to my list of unattainable men if you keep coming out with lyrics like this.  Swoon.

I was trying to think if I’ve ever been in a situation like this – some guy breaks up with me for another girl, then realizes she’s a skanky bitch and comes crawling back (offering oral sex as a proverbial olive branch, no less!), but I tell him to fuck off, I’ll never date him again, but we can fuck until he begs for mercy.  Umm… I don’t think has ever happened to me.  Damn it!!!  But if it ever does, now I have the perfect soundtrack for when I fuck him all night long and then throw him away, back on the streets of New York to find another skanky bitch who won’t be as good as me.  Hahahaha, if only my life were this totally awesome.  : )

I wish I could use that “trying to suck me back” line in real life… or at work, even.  Picture it: Some jerk cuts me off a project in favor of some clearly incompetent asshole, only to realize that I was the best thing to happen to that project since sliced bread.  When he asks if I would come back, I could say, “Really, bitch?  You tryin’ to suck me back???”  Hmm, I don’t think that would quite work, but it would be friggin cool. 

Oh, if only I could incorporate more Kanye lyrics into my everyday life.  I could be totally gangsta and throw boys around like used-up chew toys.  I think I have a long way to go from to get from dork to gangsta, but at least I have ambitions.  Hahahaha.  : )