Finally the end to this fucked up story
People, prepare yourselves for a shocker. Are you ready? Are you sitting down???? Brace yourselves:
The “good on paper” guy has officially disappeared off the face of the earth, never to be heard from again.
Shocking, I know! So here’s the end of this online dating nightmare: As you know, he said he would call over the weekend, but sadly (predictably?), he never called. He sent me a one-liner on Monday essentially saying, “I’m really busy, but thinking about you.” I got all annoyed and sat on his ridiculous joke of an email for a while, then emailed him back with a one-liner a few days later. Basically I said, “Good luck with work – give me a call when things settle down.” Simple enough, and totally leaving the ball in his court. And wouldn’t you know it? I never heard from him again. Can someone just make a movie of my life and run this same clip over and over again? It sure as hell would save me the trouble of having to live through it every time! Mother fucking shit, I’m telling you.
I don’t even know why I get myself all excited about this bullshit in the first place, I mean really. What’s the fucking point? Ahhhhhhhh… dating. Wait, what am I saying? I never even MET the guy! I really shouldn’t even be calling this a dating story because there was never even ONE date. For all I know he could have been 60 years old with a wife and kids or something! Ahhhh!!!! TOTAL BULLSHIT.
I think the only thing that can fix this situation is some quality time with the small appliances I keep in my nightstand. Thank god for masturabation or else I would seriously go insane.
Take the train to Port Jefferson. Meet me at the docks and I’ll sail you south to the Cayman Islands where we can stroll around small secluded islands. I’m pretty sure between the two of us, we can find some booty.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:19 pm“Thank god for masturbation”
Amen sister. I’ve used that line too many times for my liking in the past month or so.
The guy probably just wimped out. Happens way too often with online dating…and fair enough. It’s a scary concept when you have amazing chemistry with someone virtually then actually have to meet them face to face and live up to the expectations.
Scary shit.
That being said…MAN THE FUCK UP!
Claire’s last blog post..And that’s how it is.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:59 amMy silver bullet is there for me whenever I need it and does exactly what I want and makes me sooooo satisfied with no fights, drama, or other bullshit. Sometimes I even choose the bullet over my boyfriend!
Sounds like this guy either had a girlfriend or a wife and was sneaking some time in with you on the side.
Can I just say, “Next!”
February 27th, 2009 at 10:18 amI’m telling you, you’re putting too much pressure on these potential relationships because you’re not getting laid. You’re screaming desperation and it’s scaring guys off. I think I can help you out in this department.
You also might want to recreate your match.com profile so you’ll get more hits because guys look for who’s new first.
Hammer’s last blog post..I want DD
February 27th, 2009 at 3:03 pmHere’s a story from the other side of the coin.
I was in Las Vegas last weekend with some co-workers (1 couple, 2 single guys, 2 single girls) and I found myself playing blackjack next to a really attractive blonde. As things happen at the tables, I struck up a conversation with her and found out that she’s from my home town. We sat at the table and talked for about a half hour or so, about our jobs and where we live and stuff. She got up to leave and I gave her my card and asked for her number if she didn’t have a boyfriend. She gave me her number and we parted. That was Saturday afternoon.
I waited the requisite 3 days and sent her a casual text message on Tuesday, re-introducing myself and telling her I hope she did better at the tables than I did. No reply. I sent another one on Wednesday night, saying that I didn’t want to call her after 9pm since I didn’t know her schedule, and asked her to call or text me back. No reply. Finally, I called on Thursday night and left a voice message (it really was her) that I’m sorry I couldn’t get in touch with her, but if she wants to get a hold of me, she’s got my number, and if not, such is life.
Too bad that not replying is easier than replying and saying no. If she’s not getting back to me after 3 contacts on my part, then I’m not going to put forth more effort on my part.
February 28th, 2009 at 12:19 amJonsi – Wait, are you on Long Island??? I’ll be right there! : )
Claire – Thanks for the encouragement, but somehow I really don’t think he wimped out. He just wasn’t all that interested! I’ve seen even very shy guys call me, and if they can do it, so can he. Whatever!
Rachelle – “Next” is right! Ah, such drama. Glad you enjoy your little appliance as much as I enjoy mine. : )
Hammer – I respectfully disagree that I’m “screaming desperation.” Unlike you, I can function as a human being without getting laid everyday. It’s a miracle of science, really. You should give it a try.
Michael – Bummer!!! Dude, that sucks. I’m sorry to hear it. But I DO give you credit for striking up a conversation at the table in the first place and then being man enough to follow through with a contact a few days later. If she wasn’t interested, fine, but at least you put yourself out there. Just consider it practice for the next sexy blond you run into! : )
The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Finally the end to this fucked up story
February 28th, 2009 at 11:18 amHa! “60 years old with a wife”. Reminds me of an experience I had back in my 20′s. I was living in the city. I had been chatting off and on with this girl online. Nothing serious, but I would turn on my laptop and wait the 10 minutes it took to connect to the Internet (14.4 modem), she’d IM me and we’d talk mainly about sex. This went on for about a month or so. She’d disappear, then come back. I finally got tired of the “virtual” thing and asked to either meet or, at least… talk on the phone. She always had an excuse. I eventually just said fuck it and blocked her. A couple weeks later, she e-mails me and asks what’s wrong … “why haven’t you been online?”
I e-mailed back, said I wasn’t into games and since she obviously wasn’t interested in meeting, goodbye and good luck. She finally came back and said ok. She said she’d call me, but she needed to confess to something first. lol. One of the funniest fucking things ever, but she says… SHE is a HE. Huh? Like a transsexual? No.. SHE is a 50-something plumber from the suburbs named Hank. I thought … ok, this is some bullshit. I didn’t believe her. She calls and she was most definitely a HE – and it wasn’t even Joe the Plumber. I was like, uh… no; that’s ok. lol. So, yeah… it happens.
Forget Long Island. Take the flight to Orange County.
Buddha’s last blog post..Matisyahu
February 28th, 2009 at 2:32 pmWhy go to the OC when you can visit San Diego instead? I won’t be here too long, DD [my latest lead is New Zealand].
One of the things that attracted me to your blog — aside from your thrilling sexcapades and wit — was your inner dork. I know deep down you possess all kinds of passions and quirks and you are just looking for a guy to tap it in more than the biblical sense. I’d love to type in your URL and see something crazy like “I joined an inner tube water polo team,” and not just because I enjoy envisioning you in a bikini and thoughts of you quarreling with other half naked women in a pool. Right now, you don’t have any booyah stories, and that sucks for all of us. But if a guy doesn’t call and ends up missing out on the worlds greatest blowjobs, he’s missing out on a lot more, and it’s that more that I’d like to read about until my RSS feed is titled “HOT MONKEY SEX!”
February 28th, 2009 at 3:06 pmBudda – That is some CRAZY shit! It just goes to show that you never know what you’re getting when you’re messing around online. Hmmm… Orange County… is it warm enough to play tennis there? : )
Jonsi – Thanks for the encouragement! It’s true – I’m big dork, I’m very quirky, and I’m just looking for a guy who can embrace that… in addition to having a bunch of cute little quirks himself. Yes, this blog has been a little dull lately due to my lack of exciting adventures, but hey, that’s life. This blog is me, for better or worse. I’m a normal person with a normal life, and sometimes it’s just not that exciting. So sue me. : )
The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Finally the end to this fucked up story
February 28th, 2009 at 4:54 pmIt’s 80 degrees. I just got back from the beach.
Buddha’s last blog post..Matisyahu
February 28th, 2009 at 8:14 pmHey DD, getting caught up, sup? Sucks, another online tool punked out, eh? That’s online dating for ya, it’s for suckers.
Lance’s last blog post..Watchmen is Totally Rad…Why are the Critics Such Douches?
March 6th, 2009 at 11:04 am