The Dateable Dork

Peeps, my dorky business trip to Florida was actually pretty fucking awesome.  Who knew it would be so great?  I was expecting a long week of business-related bullshit, and instead got a long week of business-related (and non-business-related) awesomeness.  My only complaint?  It was fucking COLD down there!  Hello???  I traveled from NY to FL expecting some 70-degree (F) weather and got slammed with low 40s during the day and high teens at night.  WTF?!?!?  So I didn’t exactly get the summer vacation I was hoping for, but at least I had a good trip.

First of all, the work-related awesomeness.  Without going into too much detail, the business-end of this trip went really, really well.  I met a lot of people, schmoozed and mingled, learned a lot, and – best of all – delivered a very well-received presentation.  Now, my dears, this was the first time that my company has given me the honor of presenting in front of this many important people, and I have to say, I totally kicked ass.  I got a lot of great feedback and upped my professional reputation and face-to-face credentials by about a zillion points.  Awesome.

Other cool stuff: After presenting during the day, there was a Guitar Hero party that night.  Guitar Hero???  HELLO???  I fucking LOVE Guitar Hero.  Not that I’m any good at it, but I am totally addicted to it and would gladly give a million blowjobs to whoever invented it.  Yum yum.  I had never Guitar Hero-ed with my dorky coworkers, but whatever.  There were drinks involved, and I busted out my dorky moves without really giving a shit about who was watching.  I even convinced a few of them to do it with me, which was totally cool.  I think I rocked out to Smashing Pumpkins (an all-time fav of mine) and some other random song that I didn’t really know.  Oh well.  It was a great time and a really good way to unwind after the pressure of my presentation was over.

Later in the week: I went out to explore the local culture with two of my female coworkers – one was dorky like me, the other was completely GORGEOUS.  I love going out with really attractive friends because they attract so many people (guys and girls alike) and I always wind up having a really fun night.  Case in point: We were walking around a local art gallery and were approached by a fine arts professor at the local university (or so he said).  We chatted for a bit, no big deal.  It was extremely obvious that this guy was a total player and was hardcore macking on my attractive coworker.  Anyway, we parted ways and headed down to a local bar for some drinks.  Not 30 minutes after we settle in at the bar, the art professor/player arrives and buys us loads of free drinks.  Awesome!  There were tequila shots involved at one point, and before I knew it I was totally drunk and dancing with my coworkers, random guys in the bar, and even one of the support columns in the bar (so classy, I know) – I was attempting to demonstrate stripper pole moves to my dorky coworker.  She wasn’t impressed.  LOL.  Anyway, the professor/player didn’t get anything out of my attractive coworker because she has a boyfriend, but he certainly wasn’t shy about making all sorts of moves on her… and buying all 3 of us all the drinks we wanted.  Nice. 

Earlier that night – at the art gallery – I managed to make a new friend.  We ran into this guy dressed in a cat costume – imagine a college mascot costume, only just the head, tail, hands, and feet.  Not to mention the rainbow bandana around his neck.  I introduced myself, got a picture of me with the catman, and proceeded to chat this guy up for a solid 20 minutes or so.  The strangest part was that I couldn’t see his eyes while talking to him, so I had to look at the painted-on cat eyes on the costume head.  So weird!  Turns out he was originally from New York and had a boyfriend in Bayonne, NJ.  Small world, huh?  I’m not really doing the story justice here, but trust me, the entire encounter was hilarious.

Other highlights of Florida: Palm trees!  No snow!  Southern accents!  An airport that doesn’t smell like urine!  Oh, and did I mention the PALM TREES???  Dudes, I always get a kick out of seeing palm trees, considering it’s so exceedingly rare that I actually get to see them. 

On the man front: Although I didn’t hook up with any Florida hotties or any miscellaneous business associates, I did manage to spot a perfect HBM specimen – Hot But Married.  Too bad about that fucking ring on his finger!  I would have definitely shoved my business card in his chiseled little face if I hadn’t been blinded by the sparkle of his wedding ring.  Oh well.  But, my dears, you didn’t think I could go away for a week without getting myself into *some* kind of trouble, did you?  This is ME we’re talking about, after all!  After guzzling down all those free art professor drinks, I whipped out my cell phone and sent a late-night drunken text message to the new male prospect.  I’m such an idiot sometimes, I swear.  I didn’t hear back from him, which is a very good thing because I have no idea what I would have said if he had called back.  If he ever mentions it in the future, I’ll just say I was drunk and leave it at that.  Lame, but whatever.

So that’s the story.  I kicked ass on the business-end, I Guitar Hero-ed, I drank, I danced, I chatted with a gay catman, and I sent out one stupid text.  Not bad for a dorky business trip, right?  I REALLY would have loved some warm weather, but whatever.  By the way, I hear it’s 70 degrees down there this weekend.  Oh, irony, you can kiss my sweet little ass…  : )