The Dateable Dork

Now, my dears, allow me to preface this post by saying that I absolutely adore all my readers.  I love you guys, seriously.  But it just so happens that there are a couple of male bloggers out there who really get me going, who I desire with a fiery passion, who make me weak in the knees and wet in the panties: the ultimate stud-boy/player Lance, and the oversexed Englishman Easily Aroused.  Ladies, don’t you agree that these two are just irresistible?  My innocent little internet crushes have grown into ranging infernos of sexual desire.  I have to admit that I’ve woken up in the middle of the night thinking about these two, imagining all the wonderful things we might do to each other, wondering how I could possibly control myself if I ever had the pleasure of servicing their manly goods.  Yum yum YUM.  Sometimes I really allow my mind to wander, and on those very special occasions, I find myself smack in the middle of a Lance-DD-EA threesome, surrounded by cock and feeling faint from the excitement of it all.  (The only thing that could possibly top the Lance-DD-EA threesome is a Lance-DD-EA-Obama foursome, but we shall not get into that for fear of spontaneous combustion of the pussy.)

So, what makes these two so incredibly sexy?  Allow me to elaborate:

Lance is so cocky and confident that it’s totally attractive.  He likes dirty sex and likes to tell us about it.  He seems to get women left and right, intoxicating them with his charm and what I imagine to be quite a magnificent package.  I want Lance to find me in a bar, throw me up against the wall, have his way with me, and leave me with nothing but a post-orgasmic sex glow and a “thanks babe” as he moves on to his next victim.  He’s the ultimate player who girls say they hate but secretly want.  Well, the secret is out: I want this boy.

EA is incredibly sexy and sensual, bringing me to my knees with his seemingly never-ending stream of erotica which he so graciously shares with the blogosphere.  I imagine my encounter with EA to be slow and torturous as he takes off my blouse button by button and I savor each and every drop of him.  EA is the embodiment of all things sexual and kinky.  To use a phrase from my college days, he is “sex on a stick.”  Ladies, if you leave a comment on his site, he will respond with a message that will require you to masturbate immediately.  Enough said.

My ultimate sexual fantasy involves the incredibly juicy and mind-blowing combination of these two male specimens.  Seriously, the pussy is throbbing just thinking about.  I imagine that I’m having a drink in a swanky New York nightclub, and I spot Lance on the other side of the room, surrounded by hot chicks and getting phone numbers left and right.  We lock eyes, and he leaves his harem and walks over to me, realizing that I am way hotter and more interesting than everyone else in the bar.  Immediately I am overcome by his charm and we start making out up against the back wall of the club.  As Lance is kissing my neck, I happen to spot EA sipping a drink at the bar, and he sexily walks his way over to us, maintaining eye contact with me the entire time.  He arrives, says something sexy in his English accent, pushes Lance out of the way, and proceeds to unbutton my shirt with his teeth.  I run my fingers through his hair as he reaches my waist, and then I pull him back up so that his lips meet mine.  His pelvis is pressed up against mine, and I am loving every inch of the bulge in his jeans.  His ass is just as spectacular as I imagine it to be.  I decide that I need to be ravaged by both Lance and EA that night, and I lead both of my servant boy-toys out of the bar and back to my place.

Fast forward to my bed.  I see myself giddy with excitement as two gorgeous cocks are whipped out, pulsating, dying for a piece of me.  It’s the best of both worlds – EA is slow and deliberate, teasing me with every kiss, every touch, every painstaking motion… while Lance is pounding into me, giving me the headboard-breaking sex that he knows I love.  There will be blowjobs for all, of course, as I simply cannot be in the presence of such hotness without tasting it for myself.  And as my reward for being such a devoted cocksucker, my servants will provide me with all the oral sex I desire, and they will fuck me until I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  At the end of the night, I am covered in an intoxicating US/UK mixture of sweet, salty cum from head to toe.  I am completely satisfied, as every woman should be after they have just lived out their ultimate sexual fantasy.  I kiss them both goodbye, imagining that perhaps someday we’ll meet again, but knowing that we probably never will.  Such fantasies are made all that much sweeter by knowing that they are virtually unattainable except for one fortunate night where we all happen to be at the same place at the same time…

To Lance and EA – Thank you for inspiring my little fantasy, and rest assured that the thought of you will continue to wake me up in the middle of the night, hot, wet, and begging for mercy.  I only hope that the next man that I have the pleasure of ravaging is half as good as I imagine you to be.