The slimy ones always come crawling back…
HOLY SHIT, I fucking love this part.
As I’m leaving the office this afternoon, I notice that someone had sent me a text message around 5:30 pm. I never get random texts during the day while I’m at work. Curious, I open up my phone, and there he is: HOT MARINE. His message? “See u later?” What the fuck? I was pretty sure that it was text spam or a mistake or something and just brushed it off. Whatever.Â
Fast forward to 9:30 pm tonight. I get a random email – from Hot Marine. No subject. Now I’m starting to think that his Blackberry has a virus or something and is sending out random texts and emails to all his contacts. But again, I’m curious, so I open up the message.
Get this: He’s forwarded my original email from A YEAR AND A HALF AGO asking if he can come over to fuck tonight. Note that there has been absolutely NO contact between us for at least 6 months. I had all but completely deleted this guy from my memory. Un-fucking-believable. The entire email conversation, for the official record:
- Hot Marine’s random message (dated today, March 11, 2009): forwarded my email from October 17, 2007 that said “Hey – are you still single? Wanna fuck? : )” He didn’t even add anything of his own, just forwarded my old message.
- Me: “Well aren’t you a naughty boy…”
- Him: “I wanna see you – lemme come over tonight – I can leave in 15 min and be there in 15 min”
- Me: “Sorry, babe, can’t do it. But be sure to think of me when you jerk off tonight.”
That’s it – no further response from him. Can I just say something here – I fucking LOVE that I had the opportunity to reject his horny little ass like this. Let him fucking suffer. Let him track down one of his other random chicks to fuck tonight. I cannot believe he had the balls to contact me after all this time and think I would just drop everything and sleep with him, after all the shit he’s pulled on me, after all the drama and all the disappearing and all the bullshit over the past two years.Â
Love. It.Â
Oh, Hot Marine, how long before you come crawling back again, begging me for it, begging me for that sweet pussy that you’ll never fucking get again? It’s always the slimy ones that manage to slither their way back into my life, but god damn it, he will NEVER slither his way back into my bed again.Â
Sorry babe, hope you enjoyed that sweet honey while it lasted.
You should invite him over to watch a movie, and then have him leave after it without any action.
lol
March 12th, 2009 at 2:32 amOoh ooh! Even better!
Answer the door in a garter
March 12th, 2009 at 5:49 amis it wrong that i admire his courage for giving it a try……….at least he gave it a shot
March 12th, 2009 at 7:00 amThe courageous thing would be to call her and ask what is going on in her life, not email her saying “is your offer from 18 months ago to fuck still on?” There is nothing wrong with him exploring this option — who wouldn’t want a piece of DD? — but if you haven’t spoken to someone in months, I just think this is an ineffective way of going about it. He’d have much better odds if he shot the shit with her (her being any woman, not just DD). So sure, kudos for trying, but his method was pretty lame in the sense that it’s rarely going to be effective. Then again, if I had DD’s phone number, I’d be texting her to see if she wanted to fuck too.
March 12th, 2009 at 8:33 amI had something similar happen to me just last month. Only the guy had the nerve to call me a few times. He played it off like he was just calling to say “hi” and see how I was. Bullshit. He would always hint and ask, “What are you doing tonight?” I didn’t take the bait. Prior to this, the last time we talked was New Years Eve of 2008! Kind of a long story, but we had been f**k buddies and then I found out he had an actual girlfriend the entire time. I ran into her at a club on New Years Eve and we had a nice little chat and then I called him on my cell with her standing there….Oh good times…
Guys are nutty. They definitely think with their penis!
March 12th, 2009 at 8:58 amRachelle…don’t blame us. Robin Williams clearly proves that it is not our fault. “God did not bless men with enough blood to use both heads at the same time.”
March 12th, 2009 at 1:10 pmIt’s not just men who can be slimy.
But it is SO satisfying to turn slimy people down.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:56 pmGOOD FOR YOU!
March 12th, 2009 at 8:13 pmAlexander – Hot Marine and I actually did have one of those nights a long time ago – he came over, I got really drunk, and he wound up leaving with no booty. It certainly wasn’t intentional, but hey, it happens. And I could never answer the door in my underwear because I could never face my neighbors again!
Mal – True, that was pretty ballsy of him. I don’t really give him any credit for it because it was a lame attempt at a booty call, but yes, he has balls of steel.
Jonsi – Well said. If he actually called me on the phone (what a concept!) and treated me like a human being instead of a piece of meat that he can play with at his will, perhaps I would have been more receptive to a little scandalous rendezvous. This was exactly the problem with him all along – he doesn’t give a shit about me as a person. He just wants to get laid. Sorry, but I’m done with that shit.
Rachelle – Your fuck buddy had a girlfriend the whole time??? Ouch!!! What an idiot. I really cannot understand men sometimes. Wait, scratch that – I can understand them… they throw all logical reasoning and respect out the window when they’re looking for a piece of ass. It’s that simple. Just because they are cavemen doesn’t mean I’m a cavewoman!
Alexander – Amen.
Tony – True, women can be just as bad, I’m sure. And yes, I absolutely loved rejecting Hot Marine last night. I felt so smug all day. He treats me like shit for 2 years? Fine. No more booty for him. He lost that privilege a long time ago.
The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..The slimy ones always come crawling back…
March 12th, 2009 at 8:51 pmM.S. – Thanks! It felt SO good. : )
The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Excited
March 12th, 2009 at 9:30 pmLove it. It’s always the slimy ones that slither back into your life.
Lance’s last blog post..Busy, Good Things
March 13th, 2009 at 12:22 pmHaha, when I read the title, I so knew it would be Hot Marine! Good for you, chica!
NewWrldYankee’s last blog post..Woohoo!!! Oh…yea….
March 16th, 2009 at 8:43 pmLance – Isn’t it so true?
NewWrldYankee – Hahaha, he’s such a jerk, isn’t he? An extremely good looking jerk, but a jerk nonetheless. : )
The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Oh, who am I kidding?
March 16th, 2009 at 11:16 pm