My Craigslist missed connection: the Subway Adonis
Date: Last Saturday
Time: Late afternoon/early evening
Place: A random subway car somewhere underneath the city
Soundtrack: Angels singing, birds chirping, headboards creaking, etc.
Me: A tired, sweaty chick galavanting around with a friend on a gorgeous (but hot and sticky) summer-like day. My flip-flop-enveloped feet are covered with a thick layer of dirt, my shirt is stained with sweat, and my flat-ironed hair has long since turned into a curly mess in the heat of the city. I’m lugging around all sorts of random shit that I’ve picked up along the day’s adventures. My makeup has turned into a cakey disaster, my mascara is running, and I have chocolate-chip-cookie breath. In other words, I am a total mess.
You: A hot, sweaty guy who happened to be on the same subway as me, at the same time as me, for some magical unknown reason. You’re wearing a white cotton button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to your elbows and a pair of adorable khaki shorts. You have dirty-blond spiky/tousled hair, brilliant blue eyes, and the chiseled face/body of an underwear model. You are the perfect shade of tan, and the perfect level of tired/sweaty that makes me want to roll all over you so we can revel in our bad, dirty selves. In other words, you are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen in New York, like, ever. I shall call you: the Subway Adonis.
The situation: My friend and I run into the subway car, and there are no seats to be found. I find myself standing back-to-back with you in the middle of the very crowded, very hot car. We accidentally bump into each other a few times as the car is jolted left and right. I imagine that our sweat is mingling on our backs, kind of like how our chromosomes will mingle in my reproductive organs when I have all your babies.
Finally a bunch of people get out of the car, and I find myself sitting directly across from where you’re sitting. I steal quick little glances at you while you settle into your seat, clearly just as exhausted and sweaty as I am. Then, suddenly, we lock eyes from across the subway car — and suddenly I’m riding you right there on the train, my tongue licking up every last drop of your divine sweat, your perfectly-chiseled cock shooting underwear-model-baby-making-juice deep within the depths of my dirty, sweaty, writhing nether-regions, and as I let out that fantastically erotic orgasmic scream and as you thrust your chiseled pelvis deep into me — I quickly look away from your gaze, compose myself, gather up all my random bags, and get off at the next stop.Â
My friend, as we’re walking away from the subway car: “Holy shit, DD, did you see that?”
And I respond: “God damn, he was utter perfection.”
And you and your mouth-watering, body-shaking, mind-blowing self rushed off in the subway car somewhere into the depths of the city, and I never saw you again.Â
Oh, Subway Adonis, I will forever think of you as the ideal specimen of a hot, sweaty, incredibly sexy, testostorone-filled man. If you ever run into a tall dorky girl on the streets of New York, please know that it is my burning desire to be bathed in any and all bodily fluids that you wish to offer me, and I will repay you very generously for your sacrifice. Until then, the thought of you will soak my panties and cloud my brain as I picture you riding off into the dark subway tunnel, nothing more than a dirty, sweaty, completely primal but completely missed connection…
lol you’re a pussy. Talk to him! Invite him between the cars to make babies.
Hammer’s last blog post..Twitter Wars! Calling vs. Texting
April 28th, 2009 at 12:55 amDirty blonde hair is my favourite colour
Hammer, she’s female of course she has a pussy!
You’ve got a v good point though, missed chance to take the initiative and say hello. Could’ve led anywhere
Tony’s last blog post..Another one in the can…
April 28th, 2009 at 2:36 amYou’re insane but I love it.
I do this every single day of my life, and I’m pretty sure most guys do. As I walk around and take a look at strangers I wonder how’d they perform sexually. I’ve never taken initiative on any of these, except for one time when I saw a girl at a baseball game and went home with her. I’m going to write about that. Thanks for reminding me D2.
Simon’s last blog post..Attraction, Rejection, And A Shotgun by Simon
April 28th, 2009 at 9:15 amHammer – I think you’re forgetting that I’m a big DORK and have a mortal fear of approaching incredibly attractive guys who are way, WAY out of my league. If he was a dork, that would be another story. But, my dear, this guy was no dork!
Tony – Yes, I do have a pussy, thank you for reminding me. Hahaha. : ) I suppose in theory it could have “led anywhere,” but when was the last time you approached a supermodel on the train??? And if you’ve actually done this, PLEASE give me some pointers, for god’s sake!
Simon – Hahaha! In fact, when my friend and I hopped on our next train, the first thing I said was, “I bet that guy isn’t even any good in bed because he doesn’t have to be.” Dorky guys, on the other hand, have honed their skill and tend to be fantastic. Yet another reason to go for the quiet/shy ones… : )
April 28th, 2009 at 8:39 pm