The Dateable Dork

Today I went to see “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” hoping for an interesting X-Men flick (I loved the other ones), find out how Wolverine lost his memory/got his metal claws, and occupy my empty Saturday afternoon.  I guess I got all of those, but what I really walked away with after seeing this movie was a burning desire to be Hugh Jackman’s love slave for all eternity.  I mean, GOD DAMN.  Hands down, Hugh Jackman in “Wolverine” is the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my entire life, ever.  Hugh, TAKE ME NOW!

[Don't worry - no plot spoilers.]

Where shall I begin?  The movie was good, and there was a lot of action, special effects, backstory revealed, etc… but every once in a while I would find myself completely confused because I had been gawking at Hugh and not paying attention to the storyline.  Good guys, bad guys, whatever.  Too busy to follow along… need to stare at Hugh some more. 

As we all know, my boyfriend (ummm, that’s Hugh) has been in all sorts of other movies, most of which I’ve seen.  And we all know that he’s a sexy beast and would all probably give an arm and a leg to lick the sweat off his bulging biceps and chiseled abs.  But, my dears, this movie was different.  This movie really catapulted Hugh from “sexy beast” status to “OMG FUCK ME NOW” status.  I swear, I was drooling the entire time.  As Wolverine, Hugh is so amazingly MANLY and rugged and built and strong, and I find myself BEGGING for him to slam me up against the wall and have his manly way with me.  Oh, to be ravaged by such a manly beast… I’m feeling faint just thinking about it.

What I really loved (and couldn’t really find any good photos of, which is a damn shame) is the combination of haircut and beard that he rocks throughout the movie.  So rugged yet so sexy.  Not to mention the amazingly jacked body and unbelievably delicious (and sometimes painted-on) wardrobe.  At one point we see him as a lumberjack, and ladies, I swear, I almost died.  Hugh Jackman as the lumberjack Wolverine is an image that will forever be burned onto my brain, fueling many long years of sexual fantasies, wet panties, and new battery purchases.  My sad little explanation really doesn’t to it justice at all.  Trust me when I say that you MUST go see this movie, not so much for the X-Men stuff, but just to see Hugh in that flannel shirt/lumberjack outfit.  Trust me.

And if the hair, beard, and lumberjack shirt weren’t good enough (and trust me, they totally were), Hugh decides to give us a little extra treat by walking around naked and even flashing his rock-hard ass at the camera a few times.  Oh, the humanity.  People, I can feel my heart racing as I type this.  I really don’t think I have ever seen such a perfect male specimen.  He is the absolute ideal, utter perfection.  Oh Hugh, what I would give to drag my tongue all over your perfectly-tanned, wet skin!  What I would give to succumb to your every desire!  Ohhhhhhh dear lord I think I am about to pass out…

Anyway, the point is this: The image of Hugh Jackman in “Wolverine” has just ruined all other men for me.  Sorry boys, but you all pale in comparison.  I may as well just give up dating right now… but ohhhhhhh it was totally worth it.  : )  *drool*