The Dateable Dork

I know I haven’t had much to report on the dating front lately.  In fact, I haven’t really had *anything* to report lately at all.  Kinda sucky, no?  But I’ve had some good (mainly health-related) reasons to be taking a little hiatus, and after my recent dating disasters over the past few months, I’ve actually been really enjoying the down time.  I mean, really, there is only so much drama a dorky girl like me can handle!

But I’ve been thinking about getting back out there sometime in the next few weeks, after I assess the damage from my little gynecological procedure next week (a week from today actually – yikes!).  Assuming everything goes according to plan and things heal up the way they should, I should probably be back to my normal state of health in a few weeks, not to mention (hopefully) a little slimmer and cuter thanks to the WW program.  Perfect time to get back on the horse, no?

Well… actually… I’m not so sure I really want to put myself through that again.  I don’t think my fragile little heart can handle it!

Truth be told, I’ve gone through a bit of an emotional roller coaster over the past several months, what with the incident and then my three rejections in a row.  I’m still feeling pretty hurt and vulnerable, and I’m not sure that I can handle another rejection right now.  I kind of just want to curl up in my bed and never date anyone again, know what I mean?  At least that way I’d be surrounded by soft, comfy blankets and wouldn’t have to waste my time over-analyzing everything like I always do.  Besides, after each rejection, I always wind up curled up in my bed anyway.  Why not cut out the drama and just go straight to the comfort zone?

On the other hand, I’ve been getting pretty lonely and would love to meet some new people and maybe even meet a nice guy who might just want to curl up in bed *with* me.  Wouldn’t that be so cute?  : )  I just don’t want to put myself through the whole dating thing again… why can’t I go straight to the nice boyfriend without all the dating drama?  I know exactly what I want…  so isn’t there a boyfriend catalog where I can just flip through the glossy pages, customize my order, swipe my credit card, and have my perfect guy arrive at my door within 7-10 business days?  Isn’t Amazon selling boyfriends yet???

BTW, I’ve come to the realization lately that I really go for “nice Jewish boys.”  It’s not a religious thing at all, but much more of a package deal – the dark hair, the dorky personality, the professional job… I just eat it up with a spoon.  And let’s face it – I live in New York, and this city is just bursting with nice Jewish boys just waiting for me to meet them and scoop them up.  So where do I go to meet one?  Any ideas? 

Actually, remember how I went on a really horrible date last month and didn’t say much about it because there wasn’t really anything to say?  He was the ideal nice Jewish boy on paper, but it turned out that we didn’t get along at all.  But even though that didn’t work out, I’d love to meet a similar type of guy who I can be all dorky with and curl up with under my big comfy blankets.  Believe it or not, I’m not even craving sex these days, I just want to cuddle with someone.  I really think I’m just getting lonely at this point, and I want to go straight to the companionship stage.  You know, where you curl up on the couch on a sunny Saturday morning and watch crappy tv while eating homemade pancakes.  I vaguely recall a time in my life where I used to do things like that, but it seems so long ago now.  I want it back!

Sooooooo… what to do, what to do.  Do I risk another emotional collapse and put myself back out there in a few weeks, or do I spend a little more time on my own, protected from the big, bad world of jerk-boys and flaky men?  I’ve been actively playing the field for several years now and haven’t had a “boyfriend” in at least two years.  Is it even worth the effort with such a low success rate and such a high level of risk?  If this were a professional venture, I’d never go for it!  But what is it about the need for an emotional connection that makes us play such dangerous games with our personal lives?

I guess it all comes back to the fact that love is what makes life worth living, and it sure would be nice to have something worth getting excited about again.  : )