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NMP says the STD “fucked me up”
Soooo…. guess who finally called me last night? The new male prospect! Long time no talk. And peeps, you’ll be so proud of me – we got through the entire conversation with no flirting, no sex talk, no crossing the line, no emotional cheating, no nothing. I was a very, very good girl. Where’s my gold star? : )
But here’s the deal: the NMP kept saying that the whole year-long STD drama really “fucked me up.” He said that I really need to talk to a professional to deal with all the mental bullshit that I’ve gone through as a result (including “the incident” that left me in the fetal position for several months), and that if I don’t, it’s going to come back to haunt me whenever I finally get back in a real relationship.
At first I brushed it off, thinking that I feel ok right now, and my health issues should be on their way out for good this time (I hope). But then I let it marinate in my brain for a few hours, and you know what? I think I might actually agree with him. As strange as my relationship with the NMP is, he actually *does* know me very well, and he is the only person in my real life who I’ve talked to about all of this. And I think he has my best interests at heart, as a friend. He said that my personality has changed dramatically after all this shit went down and that I’m not the same person I was a year ago. He said that there is so much emotional drama surrounding this situation and that I really need to deal with it with a real-life therapist, not the “free blog therapy” that I always refer to.
I just keep coming back to the fact that this person who knows me pretty well and who knows exactly what I’ve been through thinks I’m “fucked up” as a result of it. I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before. Weird, right? Am I fucked up??? Do I need a shrink? I guess I could benefit from it, but do I really *need* it? Ahhhhhhh.
Something to think about before I get back out there… whenever the hell that may be.
If YOU think you should talk to someone, then by all means go for it. Don’t do it because someone else thinks you should. Though I wouldn’t say you were “fucked up”, again only you can decide that.
Gray’s last blog post..Irish Voyeur
May 26th, 2009 at 9:47 pmWell, I don’t know if you’re “fucked up” or not, but I do know that ever since you started up the blog again, your persona on here has changed DRAMATICALLY. Like, you’re not nearly as introspective/thoughtful as before. I honestly believed for awhile that someone else had decided to write under your pseudonym for awhile because I simply could not believe it was the same person writing.
Look back at your old stuff if you still have it and see what I mean.
Honey’s last blog post..Vegas Memorial Weekend Sextacular: Preview
May 26th, 2009 at 10:01 pmI agree that it’s *your* decision and be careful of too much thinking / over analysis!
If you’re exactly the same person as a year ago; doesn’t that mean you’ve wasted a year?
Tony’s last blog post..Coming Alive
May 27th, 2009 at 2:42 amI guess it depends on how long you’ve been like that. We all get into our funks, I was in one late last year following *my* incident and to be quite honest, the shrink didn’t help very much. Fortunately I was able to accept certain facts about that, myself and come to a conclusion that made sense. Today I’m better and a little more carefree for it.
Fortunately for you, it does seem like the clouds are breaking up and perhaps give you the brand new start you need.
The Virgin’s last blog post..Sunshine, sand and SPF
May 27th, 2009 at 5:16 amI am so not buying this. No pussy shit DD, NPS. Your commenters need to stop coddling you. Get a Tony Robbins box set or something and get your shit together. Shrinks aren’t going to do anything for you, you need to put in the work on your own (this coming from the son of a psychoanalyst).
Hammer’s last blog post..Song Lyric Escalation – “Tear You Apart”
May 27th, 2009 at 10:49 amYou know how I feel about nmp, d2. Ween yourself off of him. It’s only hurting you and you know it!
Simon’s last blog post..What Do You Want? By Simon
May 27th, 2009 at 12:22 pmGot to disagree with the Hammer on this. While I don’t think you need therapy — you don’t appear depressed, anxious, and you don’t exhibit a pattern of distorted and irrational thought patterns regarding your self or the negative events in your life — equating therapy to pussy shit is outrageous. It’s attitudes like that that often prevent people who truly need it from seeking medical help until they have developed full blown, debilitating disorders.
May 27th, 2009 at 12:49 pmGo see a shrink. Even if you don’t think you need it, you can learn a lot about yourself. I’ve been to several over the years and am seeing one now. They all had different strengths and have helped me in different ways. I didn’t go for the the first time until I was about 27.
I wish I had gone when I was in college. It was an old girlfriend (who I personally thought was a bit fucked up) who talked me into it. I started going again recently because I was messed after a relationship ended.
You might want to start here.
May 27th, 2009 at 3:49 pmI agree with several posters…I don’t think you should be seeking therapy just because a non-professional thinks you should. If YOU want it, then go for it. And I think it’s perfectly normal that you’re not quite the same person as you were. You went through a fairly traumatic series of events, OF COURSE you’re different because of it. Frankly, it would be worrisome if you weren’t.
I, too, have had a year that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone and have had my fair share of recommendations for ways back to being “normal” from other people. Some suggestions I’ve taken literally, some suggestions I’ve seriously considered before deciding they weren’t quite right for me. Everyone reacts to things differently – it’s what makes us who we are – and sometimes we’ve just got to find our own way through things. And some of us take a longer time to get there than others. Who knows, maybe you’ll find therapy to be beneficial, and maybe you won’t. Point is, you have to do what feels right for you, and not what someone else thinks is right.
But that’s just my opinion
May 27th, 2009 at 8:42 pmAfter an incredibly shitty 6 months, I saw a psychiatrist (at the insistance of my doctor mother) and ended up on anti-depressants…i honestly don’t think i’d be here today if I hadn’t. I always thought it was “fucked up” people who saw shrinks and took drugs, and therefore probably avoided getting help for way too long. I’m still nowhere near perfect/”normal” – whatever the fuck that is – but i can cope and i can function…mainly thanks to the anti-depressants.
If you think you need it, go for it, if you don’t, don’t…But you may find 6 months down the track you’re stuck in a hole you can’t get out of.
*fyi: i’m not looking to get into a Tom Cruise themed debate about the pros and cons of ADs. I think they’re a godsend, other people don’t…each to their own.
May 27th, 2009 at 11:33 pmI think Tom Cruise is far more fucked up than DD!
Suspect very few women notice his emotional state though…
Tony’s last blog post..Coming Alive
May 28th, 2009 at 2:53 pmI’m going to echo the above – if you think it will help, go see a therapist. If you think you’re ok on your own, you are. The therapist is there to get you back on track mentally. It works for some people; it doesn’t work for others.
I’ve been to 3 different therapists at times in my life when I needed it. I knew I needed it, and that’s why I went. Did it help? It didn’t hurt, but maybe time would have done the same thing?
I know NMP knows you well, and I know you haven’t talked with him in awhile, and I know this sounds trite, but you have to do what’s best for you.
OC’s last blog post..Time Travel
May 28th, 2009 at 7:02 pmAll – Thanks for your advice. I’m still debating the therapy issue, but leaning toward not doing it… at least for now. It’s expensive, and my budget is pretty tight (especially now that I’m spending an absolute fortune on groceries because all I eat is fresh produce and the lean/expensive cuts of meat). I’ll see how it goes…
May 31st, 2009 at 7:52 pm