NMP, where are you?
Lately I’ve been finding myself looking at my cell phone and waiting for the new male prospect to call me. We haven’t talked in about 6 weeks or so (which is pretty long for us), and, I admit it – I miss him! I’m surprised that we’ve actually managed to remain “friends” since we split up about a year and a half ago, and I really do enjoy catching up with him every once in a while. Yeah, I know I could just call him, but he’s all busy with his girlfriend and work and stuff, and I know they just went on vacation a few weeks ago, so I’ve been trying not to bother him. But I really want to catch up and hear all about his trip and tell him all my various stories, etc. That’s what friends do, right?
Now, before this post falls off the edge into fantasy land, let’s lay all the shit out on the table here: we all know that I’ve been waiting out this relationship for a long time now. We all know that I heart the NMP and would go into full-on attack-mode if he ever breaks up with his GF. We all know that I still fantasize about him and his mega-cock and the fact that he loves my blowjobs like no other. But I also accept the fact that we would make an absolutely horrible couple and just aren’t meant to be in that type of relationship. Really, I just want a friends-with-benefits thing going on with him, which would allow us to maintain our cute little friendship but also give me someone comfortable to hook up with whenever I wanted. There’s just one thing standing in the way – the GF – and as much as I’d like to see the NMP single again, I’m just not the type of girl to go breaking up a relationship.
But here’s the thing about the NMP: we connect on a really great level that I don’t have with many other people. I feel comfortable telling him absolutely everything, and it’s very comforting to have a person like that around, you know? I miss it. I also miss how our conversations inevitably lead back to reminiscing about our old hook-ups and the oh-so-predictable blowjob comment that I always eat up with a spoon. I don’t know, maybe I’m just in need of an ego-boost. Either way, I’m overdue for my NMP fix and am getting a little cranky. Call me already!
The NMP is the only person in my real life who I talked to about the STD situation, and he’s the only one who really knows what goes on inside my head. Talking to him is like free therapy, and maybe I’m in need of some couch time. What I really like about talking to him is that I always feel like he’s giving me a big hug through the phone, if that makes any sense. He’s just so amazingly comforting and soothing, and he makes me feel like the world is at peace, even when the shit is hitting the fan.Â
But… sometimes I feel really guilty for missing him (what with the GF in the picture), and sometimes I feel really pathetic for wanting an emotional connection with a guy who’s in a serious relationship with someone else. It’s so complicated. Not to mention the fact that I blatantly admit to myself that I want to sleep with him again, and that I’m a little jealous of the GF, and that I get a little excited when he tells me that sometimes he fantasizes about me instead of her. Wow, this is really messed up, isn’t it???
Ok, ok, I know what you’re thinking. I have issues. I know. But I miss the sound of the NMP’s voice on my cell phone, and I miss the feeling of his arms around me, and I miss the smell of his cologne and the way my head rests so perfectly on his shoulder. And I can’t help but wonder when (or if) I’ll ever get to see him again… and if I’ll be the one to comfort him when (or if) he breaks up with his girl… it would only be fair, considering all the times he’s comforted me. That’s what “friends” are for, right?
He is absolutely cheating on his girlfriend by staying emotionally connected to you. I tend to believe that situations like these are very black and white because of my own trust issues. Now, that being said, I have to take a hard line with you here, D2. As much as you miss him and you want him to call you and go down on you through the phone, you need to give it up! It’s outright dangerous to have feelings like this for someone who is committed. I know exactly what it’s like for his gf because I was once in that position. In a certain way I almost hope that she doesn’t know that NMP is talking to you (ever) because then she wouldn’t be jealous. On the other hand, it’s only right for her to know. Please do everyone in this situation a favor and don’t let him cheat on his girlfriend, even if it’s not physically, it’s just emotional cheating. It’s a terrible feeling to get cheated on, but it’s even worse to have it happening and never know about it.
Simon’s last blog post..Motivation by Cole
May 8th, 2009 at 7:33 amSimon – You’re absolutely right, and I admit that I’m a horrible person for encouraging that sort of behavior. In fact, I wrote a few posts back in January about how I most definitely crossed the line and whether our phone conversations constituted cheating or not:
http://www.thedateabledork.com/2009/01/crossing-the-line/
http://www.thedateabledork.com/2009/01/crossing-the-line-follow-up/
I concluded that they did, in fact, amount to emotional cheating, and then I felt like shit for a while. But for some reason I always find myself wanting to talk to him again, even though I know it’s awful. I never said I was perfect.
The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..NMP, where are you?
May 8th, 2009 at 8:05 amOh please, he isn’t married, so you aren’t the other woman. You don’t know the other girl and she is obviously is not giving this guy what he needs emotionally. It only sucks if he ever breaks up with her thinking he is going to get in a relationship with you, but that sounds doubtful based on you both seemingly know you aren’t good in a relationship.
It’s only harmful in the sense that it could prevent you from moving on to someone who is available (the fact this guy is safe because he is unavailable could be part of why you are into him), but Simon’s advice playing the role of the other girl is fitting because that advice is….beta.
May 8th, 2009 at 5:09 pmLance is my NMP, although I am the one in the happy relationship. No harm!
May 8th, 2009 at 6:26 pmSimon – Also, I’m not going to call him. If he calls me, fine, but I’m not going to intrude in his life because I really do feel guilty about the whole situation and I know he’s happy with this girl.
DrSmoothie – He is definitely not going to want a relatioship with me – he’s the one who dumped me in the first place! But he’s also the one who came crawling back for those BJs that he loves so much. I suppose it could hold me back from meeting someone else if I were talking to him on any kind of regular basis, but we only talk about once a month, and now it’s been even loger than that. It’s just an intermittent thing, but yeah, I really do enjoy the connection with him.
Honey – Aww, how cute! I swear, you and the BF have some kind of amazingly cute cosmic aura or something.
May 8th, 2009 at 9:54 pmRay (written about in-depth on my private blog) is my NMP. And it’s an emotional roller coaster. From getting text messages from him (similar to your blow job conversations…) and him telling me how he still fantasizes about me to him telling me his girlfriend is now moving in with him… in the same conversation…
Yeah. Good luck. I’m with you.
OC’s last blog post..Flags
May 9th, 2009 at 1:44 pmOC – Yeah, tell me about it! What’s up with the flirting and the GF talk all in the same conversation? Geez. Good luck to you too.
May 9th, 2009 at 8:49 pm