The Dateable Dork

Dear pussy,

Remember me?  It’s DD, you long-lost friend.  You know, the person who carries you around all day, cleans you, grooms you, keeps you nice and fresh and perky.  What’s that you say?  You’re hungry?  Well, yes, I know… but unfortunately I’ve got nothing to offer you these days.  The cupboards are bare, my dear, and you’ll have to just live off all the memories of cocks gone by.  You know, all the juicy pieces of man-meat that you’ve encountered through the years, welcoming them into your home, making them feel oh-so-good, allowing them to make you shudder with delight.  Yes yes, I know, memories are just not good enough, but come on, pussy!  You had some fun back in the day.  Hang on a little while longer, my dear, and pretty soon you’ll be rewarded for your patience.

I know it’s been a rough year for you, but I’ve tried to keep you going with plenty of crappy internet porn and masturbation.  Don’t you enjoy our time together?  Pussy, speak up, I can’t hear you… I said, don’t you enjoy our time together???  Hello???  Oh, don’t go all silent on me now.  I can’t handle a revolt at this point, so just bear with me here.  Please pussy, for the sake of our sanity.  I need you on my side here.

Now pussy, please take the following news with a clear head and an open mind: I have the opportunity to feed you a nice, juicy, midwestern cock – you know, the one that comes and goes as it pleases, barely stopping to take care of your meager demands.  I know it’s a poor offering, but it’s an offering nonetheless.  Listen, I know you’re excited at the prospect, but we must be strong!  Although this midwestern cock promises us a playdate, I think that we just might be better off without it. 

Wait… pussy… don’t walk out on me like that!  Come back here, my dear.  Please – just listen to me for a second.  I know you need to be fed, and I know you’ve been such a good little girl waiting out this marathon dry spell, but really, I don’t think he’s worth it this time.  Why are we wasting our time on him when he’s just going to disappoint us like he always does?  Yes, I see you nodding your head – you remember, don’t you?  You remember all the bullshit this perfectly chiseled cock has brought us in the past, and how just hours after the sex haze has passed, we start wishing we’d never let him come over.  Remember this?  Yes, me too.  And I think we should resist his luscious temptation this time around.  We can wait for a better one.  We can be strong.

Oh, pussy, you’ve been such a trooper though all this, and I really can’t thank you enough for sticking by me all this time.  Rest assured that I have your best interests at heart.  You really deserve a shiny new toy to play with, don’t you?  : )  Oh, I see your tail wagging, you naughty little girl!  Yes yes, you most certainly deserve a little reward.  If I can’t have any chocolate or Cheetos, the least I can do is give you a few decent orgasms.  Oh pussy, you’re still my BFF.

With love and sloppy wet kisses,

~DD