The Dateable Dork

I’ve had a busy weekend, complete with a new haircut (nice and short – love it!), my introduction to a body sculpting class at a friend’s gym (which totally KICKED MY ASS in a really good way), and a night out of drinking/dancing with some friends.  All in all, a great weekend, and some absolutely gorgeous weather to boot.  But I have to say, despite the fact that everything seems to be going pretty well for me right now, I have a few complaints about the male species that I have to get off my chest.  Men, listen up: do NOT do these things.  It’s kinda creepy.  Ok???

Complaint #1: Guys who won’t back down.  Last night I went out with a bunch of friends, including some friends of friends who I hadn’t met before.  One of them was a nice-enough guy who was a bit older than me, and after hanging out/casually dancing as a group for a while, he asked me for my number so we could “hang out” sometime.  He was very polite about it, but because I was completely not interested in this guy AT ALL, I gave him a very polite “thanks but no thanks.”  Fine.  About a half hour later he asks me again, and I say no again.  Later on he grabs me and starts grinding up against me and I could feel the cock pressing up against my leg.  Eww, get that thing off me, dude!  No means no.  I detach myself and go outside “for some air” just to get away from this sleazeball.  Finally, at the very end of the night, he asks me for the THIRD time for my number, and I flat-out ignore him and pretend I didn’t hear what he said.  What the fuck, I mean really???  I don’t know WHY he thought I might be interested in him – we didn’t even talk or anything! – and he just would NOT let it go.  Soooooo creepy.  Gross, actually.

Complaint #2: Guys who have their hands all over me.  Listen, you know I love men and enjoy the occasional fling with a cute bar monkey.  Fine.  But it makes me really uncomfortable when a guy magically appears out of the blue, starts dancing with me, and has his hands ALL over me before I even see his face.  Ewww!  Give me a break, guys!  It’s one thing if we have a fun/flirty conversation and have been hanging out for a bit – you know, maybe you’d actually ask me what my name is? – and then we can dance and be all touchy and whatever.  I’m ok with that.  But don’t just grab me and have your hand on my crotch in under 10 seconds.  Ok????  Guys out there: please, please don’t do this.  It’s creepy and gross and just plain rude.  Makes you seem like kind of a skank and makes the girl want to run in the other direction.  Ok???

Complaint #3: Guys who show up uninvited.  I’ve been casually chatting with this random guy online, and I happened to mention one of the bars my friends and I were planning on going to last night because it was right by his apartment.  I asked him if it was a decent place, if he had ever hung out there, what he thought of it, etc.  This morning I get an email from him saying that he and his friends actually WENT to that bar last night.  Now really, WHAT are the chances that we would BOTH have plans to go to the exact same bar on the same night, out of all the bars in New York?  What, was he trying to find me there, completely uninvited???  Creepy!!!  And also, a little desperate.  Give me a break.  And how am I supposed to repond to this creepy email?  I kind of want to call him out on it and be like, “WTF, dude?”  I didn’t see him there, but who knows if he saw me.  Whatever.  I think this guy just blew it.

This kind of stuff just drives me crazy, you know?  And I have to say, that creepy phone number guy kind of put a damper on the whole night because he was part of the group we were hanging out with and I just couldn’t get rid of him.  Yuck.  But other than that, it was a good weekend, and I’m completely exhausted and sore today (what with the combination of the body sculpting class AND the booty shaking).  Oh, and I may or may not have busted out my drunken rendition of the moonwalk last night when the Michael Jackson music came on.  Just sayin’.  : )