Bored, and pondering the road ahead
In the last few weeks, I’ve come to a very important realization: I’m bored out of my mind. Not just “what am I going to do this weekend?” bored, but “I’ve been doing the same damn thing for five years and it’s all getting really OLD” bored. Know what I mean? I’ve been in the same apartment for five years. I’ve been working in the same cube for five years. I’ve been saving up my money for five years, and after five whole years, I still don’t have nearly enough saved to do any of the things I’ve earmarked it for. I’ve had the same group of friends for five years. I’ve been making the same old trip to visit my family for five years. I’ve had the same car, the same clothes (for the most part), the same pictures on my wall, crap on my shelves, and obstructed view out my windows. Blah. I’m so OVER it, you know?Â
I’ve also come to the realization that I’ve been putting my life on hold, waiting around for things to happen, and none of them are even close to happening after waiting for five years. And I haven’t been waiting idly, either. I’m still single, despite my nearly constant effort to put myself out there and find something meaningful. I’m still childless, despite saving and saving for adoption fees and child-raising costs that I’m doubtful I’ll ever be able to afford on my own. I’m still renting, again, despite saving and saving for a downpayment on a little 1-bedroom condo that still eludes me. And I’m still cute-furry-ball-of-love cat-less, since I can’t get a cat until I move out of this apartment, and I’m NOT moving until I can afford to buy something. Professionally, my career is moving along at an ok speed, but I can’t seem to push myself to the next level because my heart just isn’t in it. The monotony is getting to me, and I sit at my desk all day bored, bored, bored.Â
After five years, I think I need something different. I can see myself waiting and waitng and waiting, and pretty soon I’m 40 and nothing has changed. Something has to change NOW to give my life a little meaning, something to motivate me and push me forward and get me excited about my everyday life again. Perhaps I need to temporarily let go of goals that just aren’t realistic in the short-term (the baby and condo really will have to wait until I can save more money), and perhaps finding someone just isn’t in the cards for me. I’m not giving up, but I think I need to accept the fact that I might just wind up living my life alone, and I need to get past that and MOVE ON with other aspects of my life. My plans for my life just aren’t working out the way I had hoped, so perhaps it’s time for acceptance, regrouping, and formulating a new plan. It’s a very hard thing to do, and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I’m writing this, but I need to accept the reality of my situation. I also need to accept the fact that my particular profession (which, in theory, I truly love) just doesn’t earn very much money, and reaching my financial goals is going to take a long, long time on my one meager salary. I need to learn to stop comparing myself to dual-income friends who seem to be light years ahead of me – friends with husbands and children and real estate and adult furniture (the inside of my apartment still looks like a dorm room). I need to accept these things, because constantly feeling behind is sucking the life right out of me.
I’m bored and disappointed with the way my life has been going, and I’m not ok with that. I may never get married, I may never have children, and (if I stay in my current profession) I may never be able to afford the things I’d like to buy, but there are some things that I do have control over, and I think it’s about time for a change.
I can feel your deep sadness and frustration…
As I’m a man, we always offer solutions: read “The Power of Now” from Eckhart Tolle – it will change the way you see your life!
August 9th, 2009 at 5:01 pmWow DD, the pilgrim uniform isn’t a good look for you. Why would you settle for a mediocre lifestyle?
My biggest fear in life is waking up one day and feeling the need to write a post like this. Feeling like I’ve been grinding through and getting no where. Every week I meet a new person in his/her 30s or 40s who talks to me and tries to bring me down with his “reality” bullshit telling me that it’s cute how young and delusional I am. Saying things like, “when I was your age I used to think the same way, but then life happened.” There is nothing that disgusts me more than someone trying to crush my dreams because he didn’t have the drive to fulfill his own.
I don’t know who gave you this talk, but it’s totally bullshit. You’ve been in a rut, and I think it’s good that you’ve come to that realization, but you’re taking the wrong approach to getting out of it. Rather than making changes to your life that will put you back on the path to what you want, you are lowering your expectations of yourself to avoid disappointment. Take control and do something about it. Read my latest blog post, then read “The 4 Hour Work Week” and get off of your ass do something about it. There’s really no excuse for settling for mediocrity.
August 9th, 2009 at 5:58 pmHammer´s last blog ..Not Getting the Results You Want?
Ugh, I hope that my book recommendation doesn’t get pidgeonholed with that dude’s Eckhart Tolle recommendation. The 4 Hour Work Week isn’t some new age positive thinking mumbo jumbo, it’s a book that has practical applications to your life TODAY. It is a step by step guide with specific instructions on how you can change about your life today and how to make those changes.
August 9th, 2009 at 6:09 pmHammer´s last blog ..Not Getting the Results You Want?
Actually being at the exact same stage of life like you, I know *exactly* what you’re going through. It feels like stagnancy as you reach age 30, doesn’t it? That your friends are having all the fun?
We don’t always get what we want and positive thinking or fluffy profit books doesn’t always make it so. Why is it in life that that some positively talented people can’t score a job while some talentless knucklehead comes out ahead just because they know the right person?
But it is nice to know that we at least have the freedom to at least try for it and have a fair chance to make it happen. Point being: did you ever stop to think that perhaps it is YOU who has the advantage over your friends in that area? Think they can just change their career due to boredom? Go do some activity spontaneously? Nope, they have a responsibility to their family first and it’s going to be that way for a loooooooooooooooonng time.
You’re your own woman and even if things don’t always go your way, you have much more freedom to switch gears and do anything she damn well pleases at this stage of life, unlike others.
August 9th, 2009 at 7:57 pmMaybe I’m not one to be giving advice, but something I would most certainly do in your situation:
a) NYC must be a great city to live in. You must love it. But it’s damn expensive. Start looking for a job in your field outside of NYC that is less expensive.
b) If you find a job you might like somewhere not as expensive, move. Tada. New place, new friends, new job, new life.
Drastic, but it might work.
August 9th, 2009 at 11:54 pmI quit my job, moved to the opposite part of the world and had half a year of uncertainty, after which I live the perfect life, working 3 days a week, getting really good pay, walk to work, walk to beach, have awesome people around me and dating life is very interesting as well.
It is doable, and by far the hardest part is to make the decision, after that everything will work out one way or the other. It will work out better if you are more determined and active.
Good luck!
August 10th, 2009 at 1:03 amJaanus´s last blog ..Et siis Sydney …
I totally know where you are at…
You know what is scary, Lilly Allen’s new song 22, totally resonates with me and it doesn’t paint a very good picture…
August 10th, 2009 at 3:56 am@Hammer – thanks “dude”. I indeed read The 4 Hour Work Week as well and yes, it’s a great book.
August 10th, 2009 at 6:12 amIf you read Tim Ferris’ blog carefully, you’ll actually notice some references to this “new age positive thinking mumbo jumbo”
Well, I think that if you want to change your life and you have the ability to do so, then go for it! The BF has some of the same feelings that you do (except he hates his job) as far as living in the same town, knowing all the same people, doing all the same activities – he grew up in Phoenix. I’ll be blogging an update on our moving plans soon.
One question I might ask is how long your goals have been your goals…maybe they need some revisiting – a) to see if you still want the ones you have, and b) to see if there’s anything you want to add.
The reason I say this is that you list buying a home, having a child, adopting a cat, and being in a long-term relationship as your primary goals. I think that there is definitely satisfaction to be had there, but every one of those goals limits your options re: your ability to change your life. Especially the first three, which all involve incurring debt, which always limits your options. The last doesn’t involve debt, but it DOES involve compromise, which is sometimes good but always limiting.
August 10th, 2009 at 12:30 pmHoney´s last blog ..Interview with DJ Fuji, Lifestyle and Dating Coach
Phil – Hmmm… was it that pervasive? Hope I didn’t get you down! Thanks for the book recommendation. I definitely need a new outlook on life right about now…
Hammer – This “talk” came directly out of my head – it’s just what I happen to be feeling lately. Very much a stream-of-consciousness from yesterday. And don’t worry, I’m definitely planning to do something about it. I’ve waited long enough, god damn it!
Virgin – Glad you can sympathize – if I recall correctly, we’re almost exactly the same age, right? I absolutely agree that I have complete freedom to do whatever I want at this point in my life – nothing is tying me down, no responsibilities to anyone but myself, etc. It’s a great, liberating feeling, but I also feel that I’m missing out on so much more… and I’d trade my freedom for a handful of those things on my wish list in a heartbeat.
Kitty – I’ve given some serious thought to moving on several occasions, and it’s still lingering in my mind as a possibility. The only problem is that I’m a city girl at heart, and most cities are expensive (albeit maybe not expensive as New York!).
Jaanus – Seems like I need to take your advice! Glad things worked out so well for you, and congrats on being brave and going for it. I need to use your story as inspiration for my own life. : )
Ozgirl – Yeah, it’s kind of an ominous realization, but sometimes things just don’t go as planned, no matter how hard you try. Such is life! I’ve gotta pick myself up and try again.
Honey – My goals are always changing, bit by bit, and the adoption thing is fairly new (within the last 6 months or so). But overall, I’ve had the same vision for my life for a while now, and I don’t seem to be getting any closer to the picutre in my head. As I mentioned to the Virgin above, I certainly value my freedom and relative lack of debt (with the exception of some student loans) right now, but I have this nagging feeling that making a commitment to someone (partner, child, cat, or all of the above) would be so much more rewarding than the knowledge that I can pick up and move, by myself. Know what I mean? It’s one thing to have freedom, but the loneliness is eating away at me… and who’s to say that I couldn’t move with my husband, kids, and Little Miss Fluffy? : )
August 10th, 2009 at 10:27 pmThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..Bored, and pondering the road ahead
Also a little bit of inspiration:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
Especially the part about brick walls, they are there for a reason!
August 11th, 2009 at 1:41 amJaanus´s last blog ..Et siis Sydney …