Change we need
OH BABY. : )
That’s right, my dears, I am absolutely ecstatic to announce that I have decided to apply to grad school. *Squeals with excitement!* Going back to school has been something that’s been swirling around in my mind for several years now, and I always tell myself that if an idea manages to stick around in my head for the long-term, chances are good that I really want to do it. Every fall I tell myself that I’m going to apply, and every fall I manage to flake out on myself for one reason or another. It’s always something – busy times at work, great weather, plans with friends, and the most popular culprit: man drama, of course. I get caught up in all sorts of miscellaneous things, and before I know it, the application deadlines have passed and I have to wait yet another year before I have the opportunity to try again. But not this year, my dears. I’m starting early (the deadlines are in December) and have absolutely no excuse this time around. I wrote myself a little post-it note promising myself that I would apply, stuck the little note on my fridge, and am forging ahead with a big fat smile on my face. I think I really want this.
Here’s why:
I’m craving intellectual stimulation
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my career and the direction it’s taking compared to the direction I had envisioned/wanted/still want. I have a great job, but I realized a while ago that in order to do what really gets my juices flowing (professionally speaking), I have to embrace academia. My company just doesn’t do cutting edge stuff because clients won’t pay for it (and I don’t blame them, honestly), and a life worth of mundane monotony just isn’t acceptable to me. After being bored at my desk for five years and not using a single brain cell, I’m absolutely CRAVING some intellectual stimulation, something to wake me up and put my dorky skillz to good use. In all honesty, I think I’m a pretty smart chica, and it drives me crazy to be wasting away in my sunless cube year after year. I want to push myself and use my brain for its intended purpose. Not too much to ask, don’t you think? And at school I can do whatever the hell I want! (Pretty much, anyway.) There are grants for just about everything and a wide variety of programs I can apply to… so the possibilities are endless. So freaking exciting.
My personal plans didn’t work out
When I finished my master’s five years ago, one of the main reasons that I didn’t continue in school was that I didn’t want to put my life on hold for another 4-5 years while I got a Ph.D. I had a boyfriend and big plans to move back to the city, have all sorts of exciting adventures, get married, have babies, and live a fabulous life. Hell, I was 24 and had been in school my entire life – I wanted out! I wanted to live! So I moved back to the city, broke up with the five-year BF, got a desk job, dated a LOT with nothing to show for my efforts, didn’t get married, didn’t have a family, and am in exactly the same place as I started, only five years older with a few more wrinkles on my face and a few more dollars in my previously-empty bank account. Hmm. Not quite what I expected. At all. I mentioned in Sunday’s post that I need to accept the fact that, despite my efforts, I’m not all that much closer to achieving any of my major personal goals than I was five years ago, and my big plans to “live my life” just didn’t happen. Bummer. Should I wait another five years to end up back in exactly the same spot again? No thanks. I’m done waiting. I’ve had it! I need to MOVE THE HELL ON and do something different, and I think going back to school is just the thing. I’ll move to a new city, meet new people, and start over with a clean slate.
I think it’ll make me happy
And really, what other reason do I need? For the past several years, the thought of going back to school has made me all giddy with excitement, and my little dorky heart is absolutely overflowing with ideas and plans and all sorts of goodness. Really, enough said. : )
But here’s the kicker
Going back to school full-time has quite a few implications, as you can imagine.Â
- I’ll be giving up my financial freedom and will be tied to the university for cost of living expenses, health care, etc.
- The money I’ve been saving for the past five years will slowly but surely be spent on application fees, moving, and living expenses during my first year (or less!).
- I won’t be buying any real estate for a LONG time.
- I won’t be having a family for a LONG time. (Should I freeze my eggs just in case?)
- I’ll be insanely busy and will lose my free nights and weekends. Sigh.
- I’ll potentially be very far away from my family and friends, with no money for airfare to visit on holidays.
- I’ll be very, very broke for a very, very long time. My entire lifestyle will have to change. I’ll have to find a dinky little studio apartment and give up my expensive habits (buying clothes, cable tv, fancy sushi dinners – oh, the horror!).Â
The financial aspect of going back is one of the main reasons that I’ve shied away from applying in the past, but honestly, I think I should just bite the bullet and go for it. I mean, grad students somehow find a way to manage every single day. Hell, I did it for two years! I’ll figure it out. It’ll be ok. I’ll make adjustments. And you know what? No one cares how you dress (or smell) in grad school, and no one else has cable tv either. I’ll survive. : )
Taking the first step
So, I’ve made this crazy-ass decision… now what? Truth be told, I really haven’t done anything except a few nights of internet research on potential programs and a quick purchase of the two GRE prep books that you see above. So right now I’m all talk and no action. BUT, I’m energized and intend to push myself forward, knowing that the simple act of applying is a hell of a lot of work. God help me. But it will be SO worth it, right? I cracked open the vocabulary book this evening and found quite a few absolutely ridiculous words that I suppose I’ll have to learn. As a math/science person, I don’t use big words. I’m a little scared. Case in point:
Shiiiiiiiiit. And get a load of this beauty: “ersatz.” What the FREAKING HELL is that??? Do people really USE this word, like, ever??? Geez! Here’s the definition:
Fake. Ok, I guess I can remember that. Kind of like how I’ll have to have an ersatz heart attack to get out of taking this exam. : ) But whatever, I’ve taken the GRE before (and didn’t do too badly) and can do it again, god damn it. I just need to power through it, just like all the applications that will follow.
So that’s the big news! I’m excited. I haven’t decided 100% that I’m going to go back (it all depends on where I get in, IF I get in, where/if I get funding, if I still want to do this when spring rolls around, etc., etc., etc.). But for now, I’ve decided that I AM going to apply. For a freaking Ph.D. OH BABY. : )
Congratulations!! I think this is a great idea!
August 11th, 2009 at 10:34 pmGray´s last blog ..TMI Tuesday!
Good for you!
A few words about implications…
I went back to school for my Ph.D. after working for 7 years post-Masters degree, with a 3 yr old child in tow, asking my wife to quit her job and move, and with plans to have another child someday.
Guess what? It all worked out and was completely worth it. I finished my degree in 4 yrs, our daughter was born towards the end of my 3rd year, Veronica was able to support us, and we even bought a house while we were there and made a nice chunk of change when we moved back to the Boston area. And now, 2 yrs after finishing my Ph.D., I couldn’t be happier at work or at home.
“If it was easy, anyone could do it” Don’t know where I first heard that, but it certainly seems appropriate.
You have my sincerest best wishes DD!
August 12th, 2009 at 7:00 amhubman´s last blog ..Writer’s Cramp
Gray – Thanks! Me too. : )
hubman – Wow, I’m so glad things worked out so well for you, and it just supports my theory that somehow I’ll figure out a way to work things out financially. One note, however – you mention that your wife “was able to support” you and your children, and I definitely won’t have this option. Many PhD students I knew in school did indeed have a spouse supporting them, but alas, I’ll be alone with nothing but my meager stipend to get me through the day. I could be bitter, but I’m trying not to be. Trying…. : )
August 12th, 2009 at 7:42 amThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..Change we need
I’m finishing my PhD, and I can’t wait to be done! Yes, the lack of finances and culture take it’s toll, but really, at some point, you just want to begin the next chapter of your life.
For you, that is going back to school. I may complain about being poor, but at the end of the day, I have an office overlooking the beach, a subsidized apartment one bedroom apartment with an ocean view in the most expensive zip code in the country, I can take half days off whenever I want (even though I work 60+ hours a week) or an hour here or there to go running or surfing in the middle of the day, and I always have money remaining for burritos and occasionally, sushi. You won’t be able to save; you might incur a little debt (a few thousand vs. tens of thousands). But the financial aspects are doable, and you receive a flexible lifestyle.
It’s also a good place to meet romantic prospects. The odds are good, and the goods are odd, but most people I know are in healthy, sustained relationships. That’s not financial support, but the most difficult aspect is often the emotional support.
August 12th, 2009 at 10:50 amAwesome DD. Stay on task and in a few years, that will go faster than you realize, we will be calling you DOCTOR DD.
August 12th, 2009 at 10:55 amI’d be sure you can do it without student loans (or without too many). The BF and I have $100K in student loans APIECE from grad school. It’s no way to live, especially considering most fields are so saturated with newly minted PhDs that the tenure-track job placement rate is…well, depressing.
That said, I LOVED my PhD program and found the love of my life there. And there was both cable AND sushi.
August 12th, 2009 at 12:38 pmHoney´s last blog ..Three Quick Things I Learned From Recent Dates
Good luck!! I’m still working on undergrad!
August 12th, 2009 at 3:16 pmBethany´s last blog ..{Daily Journal} 8/12/09
Eh, only when you get rid of cable do you realize that nothing was ever on anyway, even on 100-200 channels.
Intriguing idea, good luck with your plans.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:17 pmOhh… very jealous of the idea of going back to school. It’s something I’ve considered too (for a PhD), but alas, just can’t justify it in my career…
Good luck with it on your end though!
August 12th, 2009 at 5:58 pmMitch´s last blog ..Random Photo Wednesday # 6
Good luck!! Competition is going to be fierce because of the poor job market but I’m sure you can do it!
August 12th, 2009 at 6:30 pmKT´s last blog ..Whip it Up Week #7
Perhaps I should clarify my support arrangement in graduate school. Veronica worked full time, and I had a NIH pre-doctoral fellowship, plus the GI Bill from my prior military service. In reality, she pulled in about 60% of our gross and I pulled in the rest.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You’ll do fine!
August 12th, 2009 at 8:08 pmhubman´s last blog ..Half-Nekkid. Wednesday?
“Ersatz” is German and means something that is used as a replacement for something else.
It is used quite a lot over here.
examples:
“Ich esse Margarine als Ersatz für Butter.”
Means you’re eating margarine instead of butter. To meet your weight expectations or the like.
“Dies ist mein Ersatz-T-Shirt.”
Means you have a second shirt you use when the first one is dirty.
It is – to my knowledge – not used for “fake” in German which would be “Fälschung” or “Imitation”.
Nice to learn that (and how) it can be used in English.
Happy learning to you.
August 13th, 2009 at 2:26 amJonsi – Thanks for the support/advice. True – most of the PhD students I knew were in healthy relationships, and yes, most of them were a little odd. Ha – I’ll fit right in. : )
Chris – Yeah, the idea of “Dr. DD” has appealed to me since I was a teenager, and I think I still like it. But is it too many D’s??? Triple D? Can I handle that? Hahaha.
Honey – A grad student with cable and sushi? Unheard of! : ) I’m counting on the fact that I won’t have to take out any additional student loans (my old ones are still being paid off), but we’ll see. I’m flexible at this point.
Bethany – Good luck to you too! I think undergrad is a lot more stressful but a lot more exciting than grad school – hahaha. Enjoy it while you can!
Virgin – I only watch a few channels on cable (mostly TBS and Bravo), but I don’t know WHAT I would do without them. : )
Mitch – Thanks! I think my career has a lot to do with it – it’s just not scratching that itch, know what I mean? And considering my meager salary, I wouldn’t be giving up all that much.
KT – No kidding! That’s one of my biggest worries about the application process. I think I’m a strong candidate… but probably one of many. Fingers crossed for lots of acceptance letters. : )
hubman – Sounds like a good arrangement, and I’m glad it worked out for you. I’m sure I’ll be fine as well. Sorry if I was a little bitter in my comment above… it’s just that I get a little jaded from all my married friends being supported by their spouses. No offense taken, I hope.
m – Hahaha – thanks for the German language lesson! I’ll never forget this word now. Hope it’s on the GRE!
August 13th, 2009 at 11:09 pmThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..Change we need
No offense taken at all!
(I have a habit of returning to blogs where the writer actually replies to comments, which I try to do, but don’t succeed as often as I would like…)
August 14th, 2009 at 8:38 pmhubman´s last blog ..Legal Prostitution in My Neighborhood?