The Dateable Dork

Well, well, well… I guess I wound up doing ok on the GRE after all.  : )  I surprised the hell out of myself with my scores, but then again, I DID study my ass off every waking moment for two weeks solid.  I give myself a big ol’ pat on the back for whipping out that awesomeness and giving myself a solid set of scores to support my grad school applications.  With my academic background and work experience, I think my feat of GRE ass-kicking will give me that little extra something to sail right on in.  Umm, did I mention that I’m fucking AWESOME???  : )

I really feel like this grad school thing is the beginning of something amazing.  I’m super excited about it, and the fact that the GRE went so well is an unexpected buy very welcome icing on the cake.  I seriously almost shit a brick when the scores popped up on the screen at the end of the exam.  Picture it: I was in an extremely quiet room with other people taking other exams, and I literally had to put my hand up to my mouth to hold back the screams.  I think I let out a whisper of an “oh my God” before I managed to compose myself… and my heart was absolutely beating out of my chest for the next two hours or so.  I called my mom immediately because I just HAD to tell someone!  This gives me the confidence to apply to the top-tier PhD programs that I’ve been eyeing AND reassures me that my brain is still alive and well after not being used for five years.  Maybe I can handle the oh-so-terrifying qualifying exams after all?  Maybe????  : )

I could go on and on about this, but that’s the gist of it.  I was nervous as hell, but I think the adrenaline kicked in, and I managed to “pull a DD” and ace the damn thing.  I’m sorry if I’m being totally vain about this, but whatever!  I worked hard for those scores and am DAMN proud of myself.  Go me!!!

So now that I’m even more excited about the prospect of a new beginning in grad school (and maybe a warmer, sunnier locale), I had a little boost of confidence to put an end to something that had been bugging the shit out of me: the fucked up situation with New Year’s Lips.  That’s right, my dears, I put my foot down and removed myself from the situation.  Granted, the reason for putting my foot down is that he had been dragging me along like an idiot for the past few weeks, but it is what it is.  He made it so ridiculously abundantly clear that he wasn’t interested, so I closed that chapter of the book once and for all.  I sent him a short and sweet email this morning saying that I’m signing off of this fucked up situation, and regardless of what he thinks of it, sending that email was something *I* needed to do to get some closure and move on.  I needed to allow myself to shut the door and stop agonizing over it, and the little email this morning did the trick.  Done!  So much for attempting to date an ex.  I should have known better.  He was never even interested!  WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT???

I feel very in control of my life right now, and I REALLY like this feeling.  It feels absolutely amazing to rid my life of bullshit nonsense and fill it with productive, exciting endeavors.  Wow, who knew?  : )