My list of dating requirements (Version 2.0)
Lately I’ve been reflecting on the state of the dating market, and I’ve come to the same conclusion that I’ve reached again and again: I’m extremely picky when it comes to someone I’d actually consider dating, and once I do find someone acceptable, what are the chances that we’ll actually have chemistry and hit it off? Add to that the fact that the market keeps getting smaller and smaller as we get older and the fact that this young chickadee isn’t getting any younger, and I’ve got myself quite the dating dilemma. Oh dear lord, what’s a girl to do? Well, considering the fact that men of all varieties have been absolutely revolting to me over the past few weeks (nothing personal guys, I’m just fed up with you!), I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and probably offend everyone with my updated list of dating requirements. (I’ve uploaded the original list here, for reference). Try not to get your panties in a bunch, and remember that this is simply the opinion of one very jaded woman. I take my list very seriously, and to be honest, I think everyone should take their own list seriously as well. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want, right?
So with that said, I present to you: DD’s List of Dating Requirements, Version 2.0:
- Education. I’ve learned through experience that this really needs to be at the top of the list. I hate to say it, but it’s true. If you want to take me out, you absolutely must, MUST, M-U-S-T have at least a bachelor’s degree. From a college that I’ve actually heard of. And you must have gone away to school – no living at home through four years of college. Note that an associate’s degree doesn’t count. Neither do three associate’s degrees. Neither do ten. Notice that I said “at least” a bachelor’s degree. I’ve learned through experience that the chances of us hitting it off increase dramatically if you have an advanced degree. I have one, and so should you. And while we’re on the topic of degrees, an Ivy League diploma doesn’t hurt. Again, I have one, and so should you. Oh, and a nice fat GPA would be nice. Think round numbers. Something with a 4, perhaps? Again, I have one, and so should you.
I know what you’re thinking – this all sounds extremely elitist. Well, you’re right! I admit it! I’m a total snob when it comes to education, and rightly so. In my personal experience, education translates to SO many other aspects of one’s personality, and I’m not going to list them all here. Suffice it to say that I’ve found – through my own personal experience (I can’t stress that enough) – that I get along much better with highly educated people. That’s just the way it is. I admit that I’ve been extremely fortunate to be able to attend some excellent institutions and have had a family to support me while doing it. Not that I didn’t work my ASS off, because I absolutely did. And so did my family – my parents worked 7 days a week in jobs they hated just to pay the tuition bills. Absolutely amazing – I can truly never repay them. But I realize that not everyone has the opportunities that I’ve had, and that’s perfectly ok. I’m just not going to date them. Let the hate mail fly into my inbox! I’m damn proud of my educational pedigree and am looking for someone at the same level.
- No virgins, and no guys living with their parents. These two are HUGE sticking points for me, and I’m sure you’ve heard me ramble on about them plenty of times before. It’s absolutely amazing to me that this even needs to be said – baffling, actually – but DUDE, there are TONS of these guys out there, and I don’t know where the hell they’re coming from! It’s fucking ridiculous! And these guys are in their 30s! HELLO??????? I absolutely REFUSE to deal with a dating novice or with a mama’s boy who won’t grow a pair and take care of himself. Geez, guys. Must this really be said at this age???? Sadly, it must.
- No more guys in their 20s. EVER. I’m fucking done. The maturity level is absolutely unacceptable and, frankly, it’s one of the biggest turn-offs I can think of. Move aside, boys. I need a MAN.
- No guys more than ten years older than me. Translation: if you’re over 40, please do yourself a favor and don’t even bother asking. Seriously. I am NOT interested in dating my father. Or my grandfather. I am not Anna Nicole Smith. I am not a coal digger. Got it? Guys, please take note: hitting on women much younger than you can be really, really creepy. I’m not saying every woman feels this way, but I do. I really do. No thanks. Please just move along and stop giving me nightmares.
- No smoking, no drugs, no tattoos. Self-explanatory. I’m looking for a DORK, remember? I think smoking is absolutely one of the most disgusting habits out there. I’ve never smoked anything, and if you want to date me, neither should you. Drugs? Bleh. Just SO not my thing. I’ve never smoked pot, and again, if you want to date me, neither should you. And yes, there are plenty of people out there who have never smoked pot. Hello, I’m one of them. : ) Ok? We’re out there. As for tattoos – this is not a 100% sticking point for me, but it’s a strong preference. I have too many family members who are covered in tattoos, and it’s turned me off to the whole idea of it. Ick. Not for me. I don’t have any tattoos, and neither should you. (Are you noticing a patten here? I want a male version of myself – ha!)
- No out-of-towners. I’m not going to New Jersey. Or Long Island. PERIOD. New Jersey guys are creepy, and Long Island guys are mama’s boys. Yay for sweeping (but SO true) generalizations!!!
That covers the must-haves. Now, a preference:
- My dorky “type.” It is well known among my circle of single girlfriends that I have a “type.” I always go for the same dorky guys, and it’s gotten to the point where my friends can instanatly pick these guys out of a crowd, and I immediately melt when I see them on the street. I’m not saying that this is the only type of guy that I find attractive, but I’ve noticed that I really do gravitate toward them. So what’s my type? I’m looking for an obviously dorky-looking guy, tall, lanky, bald (or with a shaved head), and with glasses. Also, must be a snappy dresser. (And yes, I just said snappy.) Even dorkiness isn’t an excuse for dressing poorly, seriously guys. Invest in a pair of butt-hugging jeans and a nice shirt! Guys have it so easy, trust me!
Now let’s take a look at things that didn’t make the list:
- Never married. I gave up on this one a while ago. Surprisingly, I just stopped caring about it. Go figure! I now welcome divorced guys, provided that they didn’t cheat on their wives or anything like that. This is still new territory for me, so I’m still working out the kinks. We’ll see if any other rules and regulations pop up here.
- No kids. Again, at some point I kind of stopped caring about this one and just let it go. I don’t want to penalize guys for having a kid or two, especially if they’ve stepped up and committed to providing for them despite the fact that things with their mother didn’t work out, for whatever reason. I guess I’d have to be sure that things with the mother are really over, and since I’ve never actually dated anyone with a kid, I really don’t know how I would handle it. Regardless, this has been taken off my list. Dads now welcome.
Hmmmmm… anything else?
Oh yeah, we actually have to get along and be attracted to each other. Silly me, I almost forgot about that. : ) Now, my dears, can you just IMAGINE how small the pool of guys is who fit all my picky requirements? And can you now imagine how many them would be attracted to me? And how many of those I would be attracted to? And then, with how many of them I would actually have some sort of chemistry? The pool gets narrower and narrower after each cut, and in the end, I think I’m only left with a handful of potentials.
The view isn’t so great from where I’m standing, that’s for sure!
Soooooo… what am I going to do about it? Right now – nothing. Bleh. Guys can bite me. : )
Oh, one final note: Let the official record show that I’ve actually managed to find guys who make it all the way down to the final cut. They’re out there, and I know it because I’ve found them. The Editor, for example – but look how that one turned out. Another example – David (minus the bald head and glasses), but we all know how that turned out too. Yet another one – New Year’s Lips (again, minus the bald head and glasses). Note that the new male prospect doesn’t quite make it, but he’s close.
Anyway, the point is that even after I manage to find someone who’s good on paper, and who might actually be interested in me at the same time I’m interested in him, there are absolutely no guarantees. I admit it – my highly refined List of Dating Requirements doesn’t work! But I’m not willing to part with my standards, and as I said above, neither should you. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m being stubborn about this. It’s important. I want what I want, damn it.
And in the absence of a man, the next apartment I move into will allow cats. Period. : )
not bad, not bad…truthfully, the problem is that people are afraid to express what are “deal breakers” and what really turns them on…no harm in that…you did well…it’s limiting, but all things have limits…but it isnt overly limiting to the point of you and mr. rogers on an island get-away…well, assuming he was not six feet under…
cg
October 26th, 2009 at 11:05 pmcuriousgirl´s last blog ..may i have a glass of whine, please?
I am with you hands down on the education part! Ishape so many parts of one’s personality. I’m not asking for someone to have as many advance degrees as I do, but you need at least one and it has to be good! I’ll admit it with you I too am an education snob, and proud of it!! (great post)
October 26th, 2009 at 11:06 pmlostplum´s last blog ..Run away..…
wow, this list is hardcore! But good for you knowing what you want and don’t want! Saves a helluva lot of time!
October 26th, 2009 at 11:12 pmGreat list, I don’t why you said it it doesn’t work though. If you know what you want out of a relationship it gives it that much more of a chance to succeed – that doesn’t mean it will translate into chemistry between the two of you, but that’s a problem with the person not with the list. I think it will end up working fine for you
October 26th, 2009 at 11:42 pmLOL at the GPA requirement. You really want people who excel at following the rules that applied when they were 18-21? Read this.
My guess it that you’d actually prefer guys who are smart enough to find and link to that article, not just people who read the linked article.
October 26th, 2009 at 11:51 pmHeh, number one reminds me of times I interviewed for jobs with “bachelor degree required” employers snobs. When inquired if I had one (I just have a business degree), I replied “No, I have real experience.”
Education is all fine and good, but a piece of paper has no bearing on your success, talent or in this case, personality.
Many well-known / respected men who rule Silicon Valley are college dropouts…and there are no bigger dorks than them
October 27th, 2009 at 3:21 amI love this list – it is great.
I have the same list of non negotiable.
But I agree that people who make these list should have the same qualities in themselves. So well do you
October 27th, 2009 at 5:51 amOzgirl´s last blog ..Bagels
I totally agree with Shannon. It shouldn’t all be about book smarts.
Good luck in your search, DD. You know what you are looking for.
At this point, my list just includes no liars or cheaters. I need to narrow that down some more.
October 27th, 2009 at 9:46 amIf I’ve learned one thing from my journey from virgin to pick-up artist, it’s that women have no idea what they want. Ever. If they say they want something, chances are they’ll end up falling for the exact opposite.
I think you should probably stop online dating for a while and let yourself just go out and get swept off of your feet, because while you can look at similarities in what guys you used to like had in common, correlation does not represent causation, and none of these factors are actually getting your panties wet.
October 27th, 2009 at 10:07 amHammer´s last blog ..NFL Betting – Week 4
That’s a perfectly normal list and not unreasonable. Hammer is right, though, everyone (not just chicks) will drop their list of requirements at the drop of a hat. It’s all attraction based. I can’t stand smokers, but I would and have dated them. Basically it depends on how the person makes me feel and vice versa. If we make each feel awesome when we’re around each other, you can gloss over a lot of stuff.
Also, don’t forget to add “great in the sack” to the list.
October 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pmLance´s last blog ..The Hottest Kiss Of My Life
I like this list, though I guess you should add “likes cats”
While I agree with Lance and Hammer that some things are flexible/negotiable, I don’t think any of the things you list necessarily fall into that category. These are your dating REQUIREMENTS, so I’m sure you left off the things you’d be willing to compromise on.
And I found EXACTLY what I said I wanted, so there
October 27th, 2009 at 1:31 pmHoney´s last blog ..The Hottest Kiss Of My Life
You have a 4.0 from an Ivy League and a grad degree? You’re a smart girl; don’t give the time of day to asshole men like David
October 27th, 2009 at 4:31 pmIf I wasn’t already married and in Boston, I’d detail how I fit many of your requirements quite well
Good for you, knowing what you want in a man!
October 27th, 2009 at 7:52 pmhubman´s last blog ..Things I’m enjoying lately
I want to write something snarky and cynical, but instead I’ll just wish you good luck with your search.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:26 pmcuriousgirl – Hahaha! If I EVER come on this blog and write about how I’m dating Mr. Rogers, please just slap me in the face, ok? I want a dork, but NOT Mr. Rogers. No puppets of any kind!!! Muppets are ok, but not puppets. LOL.
lostplum – I absolutely love the part about “it has to be good” – hahaha!!! So true, and I’m glad to have run into another education snob. Glad I’m not alone there. : )
aussie – Hmmmm… that makes me think that perhaps I should add something containing the word “hardcore” to this list… like something dirty. Yum yum.
comingupforair – Well, I guess my list *does* work in finding guys who match all my ridiculous criteria, but it hasn’t *worked* in finding me an actual meaningful relationship, which of course is the ultimate goal and the whole reason for coming up with the list in the first place.
Derek – What are you implying, hmmmm??? : ) Like my thoughts on education in general, my thoughts on GPA don’t exactly translate literally. The actual GPA is not a big deal; it’s the personality traits that one needs in order to get and maintain such a great GPA that I’m really looking for. The number is just supporting evidence of other things that lie beneath the surface.
Shannon – I absolutely agree with you that a piece of paper has no bearing on one’s success or talent and that degree-less folks can be just as successful (if not more) than those with degrees. However, based on my own experience, I’ve found that the personality/demeanor of more educated guys is more *compatible* with my personality, and that’s at the heart of what I’m looking for. It’s not the piece of paper that I care about – it’s everything that went into getting it and the resulting personality that came out of it. I don’t care about the paper itself. Like my thoughts on GPA (see above), a degree is just supporting evidence of things beneath the surface that I’m looking for in a potential date.
Ozgirl – Absolutely. I’ve got everything on my own list except the bald head and glasses – hahaha!
Rachelle – Of course, liars and cheaters should be on everyone’s black list… but it’s so much harder to nail down something like that. Hell, I didn’t know David was cheating until after I’d known him for over two years! Fucking ridiculous.
Hammer – You’re absolutely right that I could very well end up falling for someone who doesn’t have any of the qualities on my list, and I’d probably be totally ok with that if we made each other happy. The list is a tool to help me find someone I’ll be happy with, and it’s particularly good for online dating. However, note that I’m not doing the online thing right now, haven’t done it for several months, and don’t plan on doing it again anytime soon. I fucking HATE that shit!
Lance – Again, I agree. You never know who might end up doing it for you, and I’m not saying that I’m not open to other possibilities if they happen to come along. However, at the same time, I’ll probably reject someone who doesn’t make the cut. Not 100% necessarily, but probably. : ) Oh, and of course the guy has to be great in the sack. I’m a great fuck, and he should be too! Hahaha. : )
Honey – Exactly. It’s like you’re in my head or something. Thank you. : ) And yes, “likes cats” is a good one, and good for you for getting exactly what you wanted! Why shouldn’t everyone, right? : )
nicole – Yes ma’am, I certainly do. I’m kind of a smart cookie. : ) And like it or not, so is David! Like I said, he fits all the requirements on my list. Go figure.
hubman – Oh, right! I guess I should have put “not married” on the list too! I guess that was such a completely obvious one that it didn’t even make it into my thought process. Haha.
Andrew – Oh, please feel free to be as snakry as you’d like! You know I don’t hold back any of my opinions on this blog, and neither should you. This is an open forum, my dear. Let it out.
October 27th, 2009 at 11:59 pmThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..My list of dating requirements (Version 2.0)
Hey DD, long time no see! But I just wanted to say one thing…
“I’ve learned through experience that the chances of us hitting it off increase dramatically if you have an advanced degree. I have one, and so should you. And while we’re on the topic of degrees, an Ivy League diploma doesn’t hurt. Again, I have one, and so should you. Oh, and a nice fat GPA would be nice. Think round numbers. Something with a 4, perhaps? Again, I have one, and so should you. ”
Is GPA really that important to you? My gf has a 4.0, and I don’t love her any more or less for it. Honestly, I don’t care. I have a 2.8, and that is from not trying…AT ALL. I havn’t bought a book for classes in 2 years (hows THAT for frugal). Yet I know that I am a brilliant guy who is fully capable of holding intellectually stimulating conversations and the personality to boot, while being aware of the current status of major world events, all while honing my ability to do that in three languages.
Now, you will criticize me for not trying, but I will happily argue to the death the uselessness of college education. I go to http://www.usma.edu , and it was just given by Forbes the number 1 in the country. I cannot tell you the amount of USELESS and WASTE OF TIME classes I have been forced to endure.
All degrees are are a piece of paper that says “hey good job, you’ve put up with the bullshit for x years to go through the motions to now be ‘qualified’ in subject material that you will never remember, much less have the need to”
I guess I just assumed that with your “high” level of education would come the maturity to realize that GPA is just a number…
A different note…since you are a dork and all, do you know about The Big Bang Theory.
-Alexander
October 29th, 2009 at 5:19 pmAlso, I forgot to comment on this. I think you are HUGELY mistaken on the correlation between GPA and personality. I know some FANTASTIC people who have 1.0s and 4.33s, and I know some FUCKING ASSHOLES/IDIOTS who mirror those gpas. I am actually BAFFLED that you are correlating success[sic] in the classroom with personality. BAFFLED.
And Derek, I loved that article, especially the part where it talks about the misguided attempts of academia as a whole (middle school through postgrad) to confuse more hw/compliance to actual understanding and learning. Just. Fucking. Perfect.
In a perfect world, there would be a system that removes quantitative grading but still kept it so people were driven to learn, while maintaining the ability to assess understanding. Because right now? All it is is a huge brain dump that just matters for the semester. Well, the VAST majority of it, anyway. I havn’t developed this educational utopia, but I’ll let you know when I get to it.
I am turning 22 this Halloween (yay!), but honestly DD, I wouldn’t want to date you. I am a huge dork (hate fball, play computer games), am attractive (at least I think so, be a critic and go to my website), and am EXTREMELY mature for my age. Being raised by a gma who took over for my drug-addicted mother tends to mature you quickly. In fact, my gf is 25–and she only dated 5-10 years older–yet I won her over while seeing a 29 year old pediatrician over the INTERNET (yep, I met her online).
I am not trying to be arrogant in “my package” delivery, nor my assessment of you, but you keep complaining how no one is mature enough for you. Maybe its the other way around? I only say that because your comments and “deal-breakers” allude to that. Maybe now that you are in dating limbo could be the time for some serious introspection.
-Alexander
October 29th, 2009 at 6:11 pmAlexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
As I was rereading my posts, I forgot to state the reasoning behind why my grades are shit. You may have inferred it, but I like to be blunt with it:
Why try in those classes that are pointless and offer no value to your life? For a grade? For a number that will “follow me for the rest of my life” as the dean here keeps claiming? Well, that’s just peachy. I am not superficial enough to measure a person by a number, nor will I lose sleep over my “sub par performance.” And here’s why:
I realize that it doesn’t matter. At. All.
October 29th, 2009 at 6:26 pmAlexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
Alexander, I have to disagree with you. You are proving DD’s point. She needs to be with a man who understands the personal value she derives from her journey to her PhD. On the face of it, it is a stupid move. You spend years of your life in a narrow area of study, the classes often poorly taught, you live at the poverty level when your friends all make 4 to 5 times more money than you, and when you get done, you have fewer job options and you don’t make any more money, especially when you consider LOST INCOME from the time your were in school and not working. It is valueless in many regards.
Except it is not. DD needs someone who can understand and support her, because to her it is valuable. Her degrees ARE NOT pieces of paper. Her GPA was NOT just a number, even if it is for most people.
It’s a simple question. Are people with PhDs, MDs, and JDs more probable to connect with someone with a similar background and experience than someone with an associates or bachelors degree? Or are those probabilities equal?
As a soon to be Doctor myself, the probabilities ARE NOT EQUAL. It is not superficial to place your bet where the odds are more likely to pay off, and it is certainly not superficial to want to be with someone who can understand why you chose your path and life, and who can support you in it. A PhD is DIFFICULT, but it can be rewarding. If you view an advanced degree as a piece of paper, if you can’t understand the value in working hard to get a “number”, even in a course (or a project at work!!) that you find disinteresting, then that is YOUR LOSS, and it is not DD’s problem. She deserves a guy who can understand her desires and journey and fulfill her intellectually, and she is MUCH MORE LIKELY to find that person in a room full of people with advanced degrees than a room full of people without them.
October 29th, 2009 at 9:13 pmI believe you are misconstruing my argument.
My gf is working on her masters, and eventually would like another, if not a phd. I am not against them, and I will support her in any of her endeavors. Please do not assume that I would not be supportive. If it is important to my partner, then it is important to me to support her endeavors. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it personally. Like many wives do not like football, yet they support their husbands because it is important to them that they be supportive.
All I was saying was that I personally do not value the degree, as I believe that I will not be ANY more capable just because of a framed piece of paper on my wall earned[sic] by “spending years of your life in a narrow area of study in classes often poorly taught.”
If I had my way, I wouldn’t waste my time in college and grad school. Ever. But that doesn’t mean I am unintelligent, immature, or without passion for learning. Nor lacking in ambition.
-Alexander
October 29th, 2009 at 9:30 pmAlexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
Alexander and Jonsi – I have quite a bit to say about this whole education issue, and I think I’ll have to write an entire post about it. For now, let me just say this: I am by no means trying to belittle those who don’t meet my “educational requirements for dating” or imply that they are inferior or incapable in any way. I have, however, observed that I *personally* tend to have greater compatibility with more educated guys, mostly because we have taken a similar path in life and have similar views. I’m not saying these views are correct/better, I’m simply saying that we’re *alike* in these ways, and I am looking to date someone who is similar to me in these respects. We can relate to each other. It’s comforting. More on this to come in an upcoming post…
October 29th, 2009 at 10:41 pmThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..My list of dating requirements (Version 2.0)
No one ever accused you of being unintelligent, immature, or without passion for learning. I have misconstrued nothing. Like you say, “many wives do not like football, yet they support their husbands because it is important to them that they be supportive.” Women who dislike football may still make a good partner for me. But I am more likely to be compatible with a woman who likes football. If you put 25 attractive women in a room who dislike football, and 25 who like it, and give me 10 minutes with each of them but not allow me to know anything about them liking football, and then ask me to select 20 of the 50 to get to know better, I’d bet everything I have that more than 50% would be in the like football category. Why? Because I live in Southern California but still have season tickets to my alma mater back east. I guarantee you that there are innate personality traits in those woman that like football that would distinguish them. I don’t want someone who merely supports me in watching games and flying back once a year to catch one at home, I want a woman who will watch it with me, be happy when I give her a tshirt because I am sharing my passion, and who will learn my fight song and jump up and down and give random people high fives when my team scores. I prefer that, and I’ll probably be more compatible with a woman who would do that than someone who would simply say “have fun, dear.” That does not mean that a woman who dislikes football lacks the capacity to understand my passion, or that we couldn’t have a great relationship, it just means that I am MORE LIKELY to be compatible with a woman who likes football. I would never say “you don’t like football, so I can’t date you.” But I’m not going to deny: a woman who likes football is hot to me, and I want a woman who I can take to the bar with me and 300 alumni on Saturdays and who will enjoy herself.
Similarly, would I date someone without an advanced degree? Of course. Most of the women I have dated have been in that category, because most women are in that category. But the ones I’ve felt most compatible with, DID have advanced degrees, and it is because they possess innate traits that I can’t even define. For me to want someone with an advanced degree, does not make me superficial or judgmental of people without one. I don’t think they are stupid. But it is simple: the probability that a woman without a similar background could understand and relate to my experiences, let alone intellectually fulfill me, is much less than someone with a similar background.
October 30th, 2009 at 12:42 amJonsi, well said. I was under the assumption that DD did not give potential candidates a chance if they did not have that degree, and that was where I was defending those of us who just don’t appreciate “education” but were just as worthy–although I will concede less likely–candidates.
And now that I think about it, your eleboration on my football analogy makes PERFECT sense. I have a passion for extreme backpacking and hiking. When I travel, I love to take the road not just less traveled, but never traveled. If there is a back way that requires going through jungle, over a mountain, wading a river up to your chest, then all the more for it. Oh, and lasting several week with only a week’s worth of clothes. I do not want someone to say “go have fun honey.” I want someone to lace their boots up and tell me I’m not going fast enough, to embrace the culture whereever we may be, and try that dish that smells horrid but the villagers insist will make your unborn children grow big and strong.
I took my gf on her first backpacking trip over the summer for two weeks, and my favorite part–a 35 mile hike over 3 days in the Costa Rican Rain Forest in Corocovado National Park (google it)–was her most hated. She is a writer, yet refuses to write about CR because she is trying to forget about it. I don’t know if she ever will do something like that again, so I know what you mean with regard to appreciating someone that doesn’t just support you, but takes part in whatever your interests are.
-Alexander
October 30th, 2009 at 7:39 amAlexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
Wow, you guys have done an excellent job of writing my education post for me – thank you. : )
Very well said by both.
Again, a clarification of my own personal thoughts here: If you go back up to the education paragraph in the post above, you’ll see that I do “require” “at least a bachelor’s degree.” The advanced degree, Ivy League diploma, and GPA are strongly preferred but not required. And yes, Alexander, this means that I automatically reject men without a bachelor’s degree. Absolutely. Call me what you will. I still plan to write a post about this…
October 30th, 2009 at 8:15 amThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..My list of dating requirements (Version 2.0)
Wow I think I might refer my friends to this post when the give me a hard time about wanting a skier. Its an expensive spot and I go overseas at a minimum once every two years to do it and it is expensive here down under and I would never miss a season. Having someone with the same level of passion is needed because whilst having someone say ‘have fun dear’ would be ok at first I am sure it would take a toll on the marriage the extra money I would spend. And if we were having monetary issues the first thing they would ask me to sell is the ski cabin. Aint gonna happen buddy!
Years ago I went skiing with a group of mates. My bf at the time claimed he could ski (grew up close to a resort), the rest of us were all advance skiers. He could barely get out of a snow plow. One of the guys in the group I had never noticed before looked so HOT on a board I immediately got a crush on him. I broke up with the bf a week later. However if I did meet a guy who didn’t ski but wanted to give it a try that would be cool. If he got hooked great, if not sadly I think it would be bye bye relationship.
DD would you date a guy who was in their 30′s and only now starting a bachelor’s degree?
October 30th, 2009 at 6:35 pmOzgirl´s last blog ..Lost in Translation
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8325579.stm
October 31st, 2009 at 1:52 pmInteresting article..
Well, let me say this. Back when I was dating I was absolutely certain that I wanted to marry a Republican. They HAD to be the same poltiical persuasion as myself. We HAD to see eye to eye on this.
Guess who I’m marrying. Yep, I’m marrying a Democrat. I never thought I would. I would have sworn that I’d marry a Republican. But I had to ask myself, would I rather be right or happy. And happy won out.
Sometimes things that you think are must haves aren’t really must haves, and sometimes you should ask yourself, would you rather be right or happy. Now I’m not saying you should settle and not have standards. But seriously, these are incredibly high standards. So high that I’d say only 1 out of 1,000 men would meet them. And then if you assume only 10% of these men who meet your standards are interested in you, as well as you’re really interested in only 10% of these men (the physical attraction/chemistry/spark deal)… that’s really a lot of men that you’ll need to meet and go through. Dating is a numbers game, this is very true.
I think Evan Marc Katz linked to this article a while back – http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
I’d be curious to hear what your take on it is.
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:09 pmhey DD,
I think there’s nothing wrong with having standards –
we just have to realise as you (and I )have that it may take longer to find someone when the standards are so high..
(Look at my post entitled “The Impossible List”..)
XOXO as always,
Wifey
November 4th, 2009 at 5:47 amXOXO Wifey´s last blog ..The Older Doctor
ozgirl – I like your skiing analogy, just like Jonsi’s football analogy above. I just want someone I can relate to in that respect, you know? And to answer your question – no, I would absolutely NOT date a guy in his 30s who was just starting a bachelor’s degree. Sorry, but that’s just me.
S – Interesting indeed. Not sure I agree with their point, but I *do* agree that education can be one of many factors that singles use to screen mates. I’m not saying it *should* be (to each his own, after all), but it *can* be.
Mr_Right – Of course I’d rather be happy than be right; I think most people would agree with your statement in that respect. The list I presented above is simply my way of screening potential dates for factors that I have noticed *in my own personal dating experience* tend to be indicative of a more compatible match for me. The list is a tool that I use to try to find happiness in a potential partner.
As for the article: I couldn’t have written this better myself. To all: GO READ THIS ARTICLE. I’m not so sure I agree on the whole “settling is better than nothing” argument, but I’m also still a few months away from the big 3-0…
XOXO Wifey – As of right now, I’m not willing to budge on the items in my list, and I’ve accepted the fact that the fairy-tale ending may never happen for me. As of right now, I’m willing to live with that.
November 4th, 2009 at 8:01 pmThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..Halloween 2009 (aka, the most awesome night ever)
11. No relationship bloggers. EVER.
Honestly your list-making is counter-productive because dorky guys with ivy league degrees are generally turned off by list-makers. It screams rigid, shallow, and needy. What kind of quality guy would stay with a girl if he knows the only reason she’s into him is that he fulfilled her relationship shopping list?
The real reason you haven’t found a fulfilling relationship in a city of several million is because you derive a majority of your self-esteem from the number of guys you reject. You’re the feminine inverse of the player guy who gets his self esteem from how many chicks he hits and quits while moving up the number scale.
In both cases these people are narcissists who use hyper-selectivity to sabotage the potential for actual intimacy because they’re terrified of actually loving someone and not being loved back.
I would bet a thousand dollars that you either got your heart broken in a long-term relationship, or had parents who you didn’t see a lot as a child because they were always working. Because your comments just scream self-aggrandizing self-sabotage.
“I’ve accepted the fact that the fairy-tale ending may never happen for me. As of right now, I’m willing to live with that”. What you’re implyin is that you’re willing to live with the fact that men will never be as good as you. But what you’re really saying is that you’re not brave enough to be vulnerable and try to love whoever it is that you fuck.
Which is sad. Your blog makes you seem kind of lame, but if you really are some geek goddess, is it really that hard to find thirtysomething straight edge dorky ivy leaguers in NYC? Just get some tina fey glasses and a low-cut cardigan and wander the stacks at Columbia, asking bespectacled grad students if they need any “assistance”.
You’re trying to lionize your personal dysfunction into some sort of cosmopolitan “geeky girl in the city” schtick, and its pretty corny. It would be a lot better if you took control of your life and posted about how to get geeky guys instead of lamenting your poor elitist lot.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:21 pmMike – Thank you for your brutally honest analysis. I agree with some of your points and respectfully disagree with others. In a nutshell, my response is this: I am a human being, and as such, my dating life and emotional background is much more complex than what filters through onto the blog. Also, I do prefer to think of myself as a “geek goddess” rather than “kind of lame;” isn’t that why you’re reading? : )
November 8th, 2009 at 10:16 pmThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..It figures
“Also, I do prefer to think of myself as a “geek goddess” rather than “kind of lame;” isn’t that why you’re reading?”
DD, I believe you are missing the points he is stating, and then ultimately in conjunction with that, that now two people have called you a narcisist…
I agree 100% with what Mike said, and is in effect what I have been saying the entire time.
Lastly, I find it both immature and rude that you discredit the effort Mike took to create and type that analysis with a terse “my dating life and emotional background is much more complex than what filters through onto the blog.” Immature more so by your consistent trend to not analyze yourself, but rather attribute all problems as externally (another…attribute of a narcisist. Like I said, I was one…)
Again, like I said, I am not attacking you, just offering constructive criticism, just like everyone else on here has.
November 8th, 2009 at 11:43 pmAlexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
Found your blog via Google…
Take some hard-earned advice from a 40something…ease up on the lists. More to the point, ease up on the firm requirements.
Take your education requirement. I understand your desire to be with someone who is educated, and right now you’re probably convinced that it would have to be a person who has gotten to a specific level, degree-wise. But what you really want it is someone who is “intelligent”. The two are not bound together. We both know that there are plenty intelligent people who never obtain degrees, let alone advanced ones. I’m quite certain I could round up people whose highest level of formal education is a high school degree who could sound just like a PhD.
However your remark on about the GPA gives you away. I had a mediocre GPA because I didn’t care it about it that much:I was more interested in the whole college experience than I was over a 4.0. And when I look back at the experiences that actually made me grow as a person, they had nothing to do with any GPA.
But what you’re really saying is that it’s not so much you want someone who’s intelligent and went to college- you want someone LIKE YOU. Who actually cares about their GPA and is something of an unabashed “education elitist.” You have in your head a person with a VALUE SYSTEM that matches yours, one that is best personified by a fixation on status symbols, albeit non-material ones. The rest is just an elaboration of that. I mean, what are the chances that someone going for a Masters at an Ivy League school is also a smoker living at home with tattoos?
That may work for you. As you see relationships (forgive me, I haven’t read the rest of your blog) you may need a partner that matches your expectations and will help you march through a life of lists to both be made and checked off, as opposed to a soulmate that doesn’t work on paper. It seems you seek acheivements more than experiences, but it’s your life.
Just consider this- the heart doesn’t work that way. Yours may well fall for someone that is out of sync with your “list”. At that point you’ll have to decide whether you’ll let go and embrace someone that actually makes you happy despite your pre-conceived notions, or that you simply can’t give up on some rather rigid expectations for what your life is “supposed” to be like.
February 8th, 2010 at 9:21 pm