The Dateable Dork

Bachelors beware: confessions of an education snob

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 at 9:48 pm and is filed under Dating, Rants and raves. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response, which would absolutely make my day. :)

27 Responses to “Bachelors beware: confessions of an education snob”

1
hubman Says:

At some point, GPA stops becoming important. My doctoral dissertation adviser told me “Get the best B that you can in your classes and concentrate on your lab work. If you’re getting all A’s, you’re not working hard enough on your research”. I’ve got almost 20 peer-reviewed publications to my name now. Would you hold my 3.6 GPA against me? That is, if I wasn’t already married
hubman´s last blog ..Busted!
November 4th, 2009 at 10:10 pm


2
Phil Says:

Why don’t you share your GRE scores as well, just to have a better idea for some potential matches?
For the record, I do have a GRE 4.0, I do have a Masters degree, I did have a 6 figure income (before I quit to enjoy life) and I’ve published a book in my area of expertise. Only problem is that I’m <30 so keep on searching DD.
I still love you and your blog! Please keep it going!
November 4th, 2009 at 10:43 pm


3
Michael from Texas Says:

BS in Engineering from a major university that’s in the top 10 engineering schools. I think I had about a 3.1 cume GPA (higher in my electives than in my major). MS in Physical Sciences from another major university (it was either conveniently local night school PhySci degree or inconvenient 30-minute drive during the day Engineering), don’t remember my GPA because it wasn’t important.
That’s all important to me, but what I’ve been doing since then – and the fact that I’m good at it and I like it – is more important than what my GPA was years ago.
But I want my eventual wife to have at least a Bachelors degree. If nothing else, it shows that she was able to sustain the effort and maintain the ambition it takes to graduate. Education is very important to me. And smart women are inherently sexier.
As comedian Ron White says, you can go to a plastic surgeon to change whatever you want physically, but you can’t fix stupid.
November 4th, 2009 at 11:09 pm


4
Shannon Says:

Yes I understand competitiveness…in my previous career I personally enjoyed teaching new bachelor degree students in my field how to properly do their jobs.
With that said, I still repeat that a piece of paper or where you went has no bearing on what kind of person you are, how cultured or intelligent you are, or how hard you worked, for it’s all subjective. (After all, colleges and education systems of today didn’t always exist.) Is a man who chose to become a fireman over being a college grad any less capable of understanding struggle? Is a chef any less capable of understanding science and literature? (Hell, could be his hobby.)
I think you’ve had a string of bad luck with some of the previous guys you’ve encountered (like that troll guy) and looking for a common denominator to link them up, and a lack of education is as convenient of one as any.
But don’t get me wrong, I understand wanting to find like-minded people and prefer those to have a bachelors and good college, etc. Nothing wrong with that: like-minded people get along better. But like the pirate guy said or something, “the code is more like ‘guidelines’ than actual rules.”
Because I think people are incredibly willing to compromise when they see something they really want. If the day comes when you do meet a legitimately cute, intelligent, solid guy that makes you happy and find out that he only has a “lowly” associates degree from some community college, you’re going to rationalize it…after all, why turn down someone who’s “bachelor degree equivalent” to you?
That, and I’ll be sure to be the smartass that I am and link to these articles when you brag about him.
November 4th, 2009 at 11:16 pm


5
Danny Boy Says:

As someone who has a bachelors and a masters from elite (non-ivy league) schools, I was rather offended by your original education requirements. I wasn’t exactly sure why, but it was certainly a knee jerk reaction. The more you’ve explored the subject, the more I’ve forced myself to reflect on the topic and I’ve had some epiphanies.
I spent a few months talking to a girl who had dropped out of college. I had never once felt like she was my intellectual inferior, and I never felt like I had to dumb myself down to speak to her. However, she spent half her time trying to prove that she was every bit as smart as I was. It became exhausting (especially when she got ultra pedantic with me and I’d be forced to prove that my usage was equally acceptable).
I do not blame you for wanting an intellectual equal. I do not fault you for realizing what works and sticking to it. I’m sure you know that correlation does not equal causation. Just because you’ve had your best luck with people with comparable degrees does not mean you’ll have your only luck with that subset of the population.
It sounds to me like you are ascribing compatibility to people with degrees rather than to people who share your priorities for schooling (knowledge?). How much of your knowledge came from school vs. the outside world? I’d venture that despite your dedication to your studies, if you pause and reflect a lot more of it has come in the years that have followed your ivy league origins.
Do I meet your requirements? It seems that way. I got my bachelors, and then I got my masters with a 3.8 gpa while doing a full 18 credit hours per week, holding down a 20 hour per week job, as well as 20 hour per week internship. Do I think we’d be a good match? Probably not. While the paper matches up, I never put effort into my schooling. I felt like class was what happened outside of the college experience. I could have done a dozen statistics problems, or I could have been down the hall discussing the pros and cons of a purely capitalistic society (and the likelihood of one actually existing). School was never hard for me. I learned early on what was required for me (or my parents) to be satisfied. For you, that was nothing short of an A; For me, that was to get the best grade possible with the least possible effort. I drove my calc professor nuts by refusing to get a calculator, yet still producing some of the better grades on the tests (I had to make up for my lack of homework).
In summation, I don’t think anyone should fault you for your standards. Is a requirement for a degree any different or more arbitrary than a requirement that a mate be Jewish, or have a pierced nose, or have green eyes?
I just worry that you are taking the easy way out when you say you want someone with a degree. From your clarification, it sounds like you want someone who can not only keep up with you, but keep you on your toes. You want someone who will be confident in their abilities (which intelligence is only a part of). The more I think about it, the more it sounds like a degree is only a red herring, its just the easiest way to quantify what you’re looking for (even if it excludes a portion of the desired population). From what I can gather, your schooling should have instilled in you that a practice like that only leads to faulty results.
November 5th, 2009 at 12:44 am


6
Mr_Right Says:

The whole settling argument is a tough one.
I wanted a relationship where the girl was just as interested in me as I was her, where there was mutual respect, affection, love, and all that good stuff. And I knew it would take a long time to find someone who met everything I was looking for. In fact, it took me a year of dating just to find the one, and it took about a hour every day of effort (writing emails, phone calls), and a date a week, and a ton of weeding out before I found her.
It takes a long time to find someone special who you click with and who you can “settle” with. A long time and a lot of work. You have to keep that in mind too. The universe isn’t just going to magically hand you this perfect guy. You have to work for it.
Part of the issue too is that guys don’t look for the same thing in a mate that girls do. Guys put a lower value on education, they’re more interested in how a girl makes him feel. If she’s easy to be with.
On the education issue, back when I was dating, I decided that the minimum I would accept would be someone with a bachelors degree. It seemed that girls who had a bachelors degree had their act together, so that was important. (And I would like to note that my girl has a M.D., and I’m planning on going to grad school after I get married… more money to support a family, more respect, dual parents with grad degrees… all that good stuff, there’s lots of reasons for me to do so).
One thing I would also recommend is that in order to get a great catch, you have to BE a great catch. Like attracts like. DD, I’d recommend writing a list of why you’re a great catch (this is totally a ego booster back when I did it ^_^). And you have to be the whole package too, not just a education guru.
And I thought family and the relationships you have with others would be your most valuable possession, not your GPA.
P.S. if you wanna see a picture of the two of us, just google for my name.
November 5th, 2009 at 7:40 am


7
Mr_Right Says:

Don’t know if my previous post went through, but here’s a link to the blog post I mentioned from EMK – http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-women-should-settle/ , which has more links and a good debate.
And for the picture, we met on eharmony, so that might help narrowing google down.
November 5th, 2009 at 8:05 am


8
Hammer Says:

lol you must have gone to some safety Ivy like Brown or something. The validictorian at my school (non-safety Ivy) my year had a 3.7
Hammer´s last blog ..Article on Exercise Not Leading to Weight Loss
November 5th, 2009 at 10:50 am


9
Honey Says:

Haha, DD, in a lot of ways we have practically the same life. Jake and I both have terminal degrees, so I bet you’ll be able to find him in grad school!
I do want to say that the quality of an institution’s undergraduate program has NOTHING to do with the quality of their graduate programs. I got my PhD from a state institution, and it’s ranked top 5 in its field.
The thing you will have to worry about in grad school is the “two-body problem.” Check out the forums on the Chronicle of Higher Education’s website if you want to see more about how it’s played out in real life for lots of people – basically it boils down to if you have two highly educated people in very narrow, specific fields who are also in a relationship, then one of you is going to have to sacrifice the career aspect in order for you to not be in a long-distance marriage.
Heck, I had to do it – if I’d done a nationwide job search I’d've been faculty two years ago, but I couldn’t because Jake was geographically bound.
Honey´s last blog ..Keeping it Real vs. Playing the Game
November 5th, 2009 at 11:13 am


10
Alexander Says:

Two things:
“To be perfectly, bluntly, unabashedly honest, I think I’m “kind of a big deal” when it comes to education. To put it even more simply, I think I fucking rock. I’m not a Harvard grad, I don’t have a genius grant, and I’m not in Mensa, but I think I’m pretty fucking awesome when it comes to educational clout and pedigree. Is it so wrong for me to want a partner on a similar level? Is it so wrong for me to want to relate to my boyfriend/husband/whatever on that level? Is it so wrong for me to want an educational equal, someone who’s fought the fight, crushed the competition, came out on top, and who wears the pride of their accomplishments boldly on their forehead for all to see?”
To answer your question, yes, that is called a complete lack in humility; the exact quality that makes me hate our society.
And Danny Boy, your post was exactly in my thoughts before I read it. Great thing, because you did the work in typing it for me! Your 5th paragraph is my favorite, especially this:
“I never put effort into my schooling. I felt like class was what happened outside of the college experience…I drove my calc professor nuts by refusing to get a calculator, yet still producing some of the better grades on the tests.”
I drive my professors nuts because I refuse to buy textbooks, and I havn’t in the last two years.
Alexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
November 5th, 2009 at 12:53 pm


11
Alexander Says:

Something just occurred to me as I was reading through all the other comments. Mr. Right brought up the point that you should write about why you are such a great catch, which is a fantastic idea. Everyone needs to take a step back and analyze themselves from time to time with regard to what they offer.
Well I challenge you to do is also realize your faults. Without knowing you personally aside from this blog, I would venture to say maybe you are having bad luck with guys because of you. Granted, The Marine was a dick. Got it. But if you are SO high on your pedastal with regard to your “education,” you could have a subliminal “aura” if you will that you send out that is in fact a sense of extreme arrogance. The second I sense this, I distance myself from that girl (or guy) as much as possible. I don’t want to be around someone that can’t exhibit a sense of humility, which ultimately defines one’s character.
There are plenty of “educated elites” who have done nothing but seclude themselves to a cubicle and classroom their entire lives, have 3,4,5+ certificates of perfected “mastery” on their walls in whatever graduate/doctoral field, and think they are better than the rest of the population. It is these arrogant snobs who predeterminantly judge others that in the end find themselves burned and, with regard to relationships, extremely lonely.
I implore you watch this 6min clip and realize that you are the judges and the crowd, especially that girl at 44-49secs in, with regard to prejudging any man who doesn’t have a bachelors deg, or match your educational criteria to any other extent. Then, I want you to pay extremely close attention to that Amanda (the female judge) says with regard to being cynical and prejudging.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk
I think you may need to do some serious introspection and realize that the reason you have not been able to make any serious relationships of the past 3 years (since I have been following your blogs) cannot be blaimed on the male population, but in fast yourself.
Alexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
November 5th, 2009 at 1:19 pm


12
Alexander Says:

I know I seem to write my comments in chains. I apologize, but it also makes it easier to read IMO. Anyway, I butchered the last sentence with two dump typos.
blamed* and fact*
I know you would scrutinize me for that if I just left it
Alexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
November 5th, 2009 at 1:23 pm


13
S. Says:

Don’t know if I posted this article before — apparently some study showed that marriages with a woman who is at least 5 years younger and MORE educated than her husband have a significantly lower chance of divorce:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8325579.stm
I agree with you — I want a well-educated husband as well, at least to my education level. But it is something I am willing to compromise on, especially if he can hold his own in an intellectual conversation regardless of his degree. What I really want is someone who values a good education.
November 5th, 2009 at 2:15 pm


14
Nicole Says:

I agree with the last paragraph of Comment 5 by Danny Boy – it seems like your educational standard in a mate is just an easy way to quantify what you’re looking for.
I also agree with Alexander in Comment 11. I think your problem lies within yourself (please don’t be offended).
You have a 4.0 and came from 2 Ivy League schools. You’re brilliant. So why do you give men like Hot Marine the time of day? What did your smart brain see in men like him in the first place, nevermind tolerating such behavior?
While I think it’s reasonable to want a guy w/ at least a Bachelors Degree (considering how educated you are), the rest of the stuff may be too strict. Would you rather date an asshole w/ a 4.0 from an Ivy League, or a nice and compatible man w/ a 3.4 from UCLA?
Anyway, you think that Settling article really resonates with you? Then perhaps loosen up your criteria (you don’t have to date a guy w/ an AA degree, but a BS/BA alone should do). Also, be mindful of your personality – don’t act desperate or try too hard, don’t be a snob, build self-esteem (so you won’t put up w/ assholes), and exude a confident and alluring aura. That’s the simplest way I can explain it to you.
November 5th, 2009 at 3:36 pm


15
Not Hot Marine Says:

Seriously DD?
You’ve now dedicated two posts to men who you won’t date. That’s fine, except the last few dates you’ve had have all been with guys who have treated you like crap in the past and now won’t talk to you. One guy is practically married.
New York is filled with smart, driven, successful men who fit all of your needs. Throw a rock from your glass house and you’ll hit one.
Stop telling us about guys you won’t date and start dating.
BA, MA, PhD…BS! Just start dating. You’ll find a guy you like and chances are he’ll fit your requirements. Just start dating again.
November 5th, 2009 at 6:24 pm


16
Mr_Right Says:

I agree that we all want what we want. When I was dating, I had a list too. There’s nothing wrong with having a list. I really think though the key is to really understand what your “must haves” and “can’t stands” are, and what you absolutely can’t compromise on. Also, it’s important to really understand what you’re attracted to, I mean, really attracted to.
Example. For me, matching on stuff like spiritual compatibility, kids, getting along with her family, that’s all very important. Plus mutual respect, attraction, love, commitment, friends, and more. I think it was important for me that my mate have a bachelors degree, because it shows that they have ambition and have their act together (women who have their act together are very sexy). It was also important that she accept me for who I am, flaws and all (and lemme tell you, Mr. Right has got quite a few flaws). Part of my criteria was also never been married (yes, I want to start a family with someone who’s never been married), and geographically flexible (I narrowed it down to 1.5 hours was the max distance that I wanted to travel to meet someone… and she is precisely 1.5 hours away… it’s a pain, but for the right girl, it’s easily traveled).
I would think that it is tough in NYC expecially. New York is where people go to “make it”. Where everybody has ambition and is shooting for the stars. Dating is even tougher in NYC. Single women outnumber single men by 2 to 1, and there is a abundance of choice for men. Plus, you might think that having a masters degree and a 4.0 is pretty impressive (as well as a ivy league school), but I’d wager that a lot of quality women in NYC have a masters degree, so you’re not unique there. Singles outnumber couples in NYC, and it’s a buyers market for men.
I see a lot of what you’re going through is what I went through when I was dating, so I sort of get it. It’s just that I think you’re putting yourself out there the wrong way. I also think that you’re confusing ambition with education. Ambition can make up for a lack of education. Just take a look at the high school dropouts who are now millionares in Silicon Valley.
I would think you want someone with drive. Someone who has ambition. Someone who wants to do something with their life, and is doing it.
I’m also going to have to agree with Lance about a previous comment he made. Attraction can trump a lot of things. If you see a guy and he has that certain something that just makes you melt and have butterflies, and he treats you like gold, you’re probably going to overlook the fact that he has a 2.8 GPA from some backward school that you’ve never heard of or a associates degree. Think about it. If he’s got a good job making, say, 60k a year with a associates degree and doesn’t have any debt, and doing something he loves, and you get butterflies around him, what then would you do about the education requirement? So just be aware of the attraction issue.
Part of the fact why it’s tough is that because people think that they’re a great catch, that they DESERVE someone who is also a great catch. The attitude of “I worked hard all my life, I deserve someone just like me.” But that’s not really the case. You have to let go of that attitude.
So just looking over your list, the stuff that I would suggest reconsidering would be: Bachelors degree minimum OR ambition and experience equal to that (aka a guy who started his own company after high school). No GPA requirement, because that makes you sound like a snob. And hey, it’s cool that you know what you want, but guys just don’t care about your GPA. It’s not the same. Please for the love of God, don’t ask him what his GPA is. It makes you sound snooty and stuck up. I think that by this age group that you’re searching for, a guy should have a degree, a job, and a bit of security. That’s fair to ask for.
I’d also recommend reconsidering guys in their twenties. If you’re 29, you could pull guys from 27 to 35 fairly reasonably, I would think. There are mature guys who are in their late twenties. It’s like doing a online search for men, and you’re putting in a age range. You might miss out on a quality guy just because they’re 29. Or 28. It’s important to keep a open mind. I’m 29, and my girl is also 29. She’s 15 days older than me.
Personally, I’d agree with you that by this age, you shouldn’t date someone who lives with their parents. They’re lacking in independence. I think living on your own teaches you important skills that are important in a relationship (like laundry, cooking, finances, etc). I have a corollary though, I have a buddy of mine, great guy, makes six figures, but he lives at his parents to help care for his dad who has MS. It’s tough for him because he lives at home. Just saying, keep a open ear to why they’re living at home. And as for being a virgin, you never know, that cute, dorky guy could also be a virgin (at least, that’s how the stereotype goes). See, then you would get to train him.
Your standard of no guys 10 years older is a good one, I feel.
Your standard of no drugs, no smoking, and no tattoos are also good. Maybe the tattoos MIGHT be able to be leinent on, but I also had a no drugs/no smoking/no tattoos on my list as well, so I get that.
No out-of-towners I think you might want to reconsider. Being as specific as you are, you will inevitably have to widen your search. Think about it. For a really great guy who meets 95% of your criteria, you’d travel a hour or even two to meet him, wouldn’t you. It’s been shown that most relationships begin 25 miles close, but I’d recommend something like 90 or 100 miles. Really throw the net in the water. Maybe make it a hour travel time total, if you wanted to cut back.
Now for preferences. Poorly dressed… well, think of it this way. I thought I knew what style was… but my fiance now picks out all my clothes. And she is GOOD. I mean, I’m now getting compliments, and all that good stuff. So you can fix the poorly dressed ones. See the settling article for what I mean.
I’d also recommend that you put in there: must be as interested in me as I am them. There has to be mutual interest and attraction to be in a relationship. Also, being healthy would be important as well. Mentally healthy and emotionally available is also important. Don’t settle for the emotionally unavailable guy.
What else. It’s been mentioned, but guys look for girls who make them feel special and needed. Girls who are easy (not the sexual kind of easy, but low maintenence easy). Girls who are feminine. Girls who are in shape and well put together. Girls who have drive. Girls who have friends (it shows she can be a friend). I could go on and on, but guys don’t look for the same things girls do, so you have to realize that and incorporate it into how you present yourself to a guy.
You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished and what you’ve done. Now, it’s time to take the next step on your journey. To paraphrase “He’s Just Not That Into You”, don’t waste the dorky.
November 5th, 2009 at 9:21 pm


17
Andrew Says:

“Should education have have a role at all in choosing potential dates?”

Well DD, another post I don’t agree with (for a number of reasons), but I’ll just say that I hope you find what you’re looking for. It seems to me that you’ve had minimal success with love, with the sole exception being your long term boyfriend (Mr. 5 years), and I question how long you’ve had this criteria in place. Before or after you met Mr. 5 years? If after, would you have gone out with Mr. 5 years originally?
For what it’s worth, I was accepted into Mensa and I don’t have a bachelor’s degree. The roughly $65/year membership fee, just to say you belong to some club, is its own IQ test!
Good luck with everything.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:18 pm


18
Andrew Says:

Hmm, I probably should’ve posted that ‘frown’ as
: x
Oh well.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:18 pm


19
The Dateable Dork Says:

Wow, great debate going on in the comments! Thanks to all for weighing in. I have so much more to say about this, but for now, I just wanted to clarify my point as follows:
The only thing I “require,” and therefore the only criteria with which I actually reject potential dates, is having a college degree. The advanced degree, reputable school, and GPA preferences are just that — preferences. I absolutely do not reject men based on these preferences, and I would never ask someone what their college GPA was. Geez, I’m not *that* ridiculous!
Another thing to note: I’ve found that the vast majority of men that I come across (both online and in real life) actually *do* have a college degree, so my “requirement” isn’t really weeding all that many men out.
Two more things:
Alexander mentioned that my educational preferences represent a stark lack in humility — and yes, he’s absolutely right. I’m decidedly *not* humble when it comes to my educational background, and why should I be? I worked damn hard for that and am proud of my accomplishments. I honestly don’t see anything wrong with feeling this way.
And finally, as I mentioned in the post above, I’m not perfect, and I’ve never claimed to be. I know perfectly well that my lack of dating success has as much to do with me as it does with the guys I’ve dated. Of course! I’ve got my flaws just like everyone else. I use this blog to complain about guys that drive me crazy, but of course there is so much more that goes on behind the scenes, both in real life and inside my head, that never makes it onto this site. Give me the benefit of the doubt that this education thing does not define me and my dating life (or lack thereof); it is merely one of many possible topics that I chose to explore here on this site.
More to come on this – it’s after midnight and I’ve got to get some sleep! Thanks again for all the insightful and thoughtful comments. I love that this blog can be an open forum for these types of discussions, and I admire you guys for calling me out on my shit when I deserve it. : )
The Dateable Dork´s last blog ..Bachelors beware: confessions of an education snob
November 6th, 2009 at 12:20 am


20
ozgirlkim Says:

I thought (just to give you some solidarity) that I would admit what I am a dating snob about.
And that is Travelling. I have been to over 30 countries and lived in 3 (besides my home country). I went to a speed dating night once and about 80% of the guys there traveled for work.
That is not ‘traveling people’ Having a PA book your flights and hotel and going in and out of meetings not seeing the city and eating in the hotel lobby restaurant is not travelling.
I dated a guy and did LDR with him who spent most of his working time out of the country rather than in. When he first got the job I said to him promise me you will never eat dinner in your hotel restaurant ever… and every once in a while stay the weekend in the city (mainly European cities) that you traveled too.
He never did any of that stuff and one of the deal breakers for me was that I hadn’t heard from him for a while and his excuse was that he didn’t think going out of the hotel in an eastern European city to find an internet cafe was a very smart idea! It was mid summer and not late at night!
So that is my dating snob confession – flame if you will.
So come on fess up surely all of us have one dating requirement that is a bit snobby?
November 6th, 2009 at 12:59 am


21
tony Says:

Interesting topic, this seems to be very much on your mind at the moment.
I was struck by the ‘wanting someone to keep you on your toes’ observation. Reflecting on myself, I notice I tend to underplay my intelligence a lot in life, not just around women. Possibly an indicator in my lack of dating success.
Although I can understand the reasoning behind educational requirements, it should not be the be all and end all.
However it’s what someone does with their education that matters more.
November 6th, 2009 at 3:07 am


22
Alexander Says:

“Alexander mentioned that my educational preferences represent a stark lack in humility — and yes, he’s absolutely right. I’m decidedly *not* humble when it comes to my educational background, and why should I be? I worked damn hard for that and am proud of my accomplishments. I honestly don’t see anything wrong with feeling this way.”
DD, seriously? Humility is one of the single best character traits a person can have, on par with honesty. I am very surprised you own up to that so bluntly, and in turn, am not surprised AT ALL that you cannot find a mate.
Remember what I said during this debate about you being immature? Being arrogant is, in my opinion, the single worst sign of immaturity a person can have. AT BEST, it is tied for worst with lying.
Have you not ever met anyone that seemed ok-great, and then several months if not years later you learned something absolutely FANTASTIC about themselves, and you thought, “wow, how the hell did he not just tell us from the beginning?” That COMMANDS respect.
I don’t know if you are religious, I am not. However there are some absolutely BEAUTIFUL sayings on humility in some religious texts. My favorite is from the Quran, but I can’t find it. So the Talmud will suffice nicely:
The talmudic sages regarded humility as on essential attribute of the scholar, Hillel declaring that “one who seeks fame will lose his name. The greater the man, the humbler he is and one who does not exalt himself will be exalted by others. Take your seat a little below the one due to you for it is better to be told ‘Come up!’ than ‘Go down!’”
I am not religious, nor am I advocating it, but the meaning in this quote is valuable nonetheless. (I’m a nonpracticing Catholic who is a self-ascribed Deist who, if HAD to pick a religion, the Bah’ai faith seems to have it most right, if it helps solidify that I am not pushing any religion.)
I have noticed the same problem here in the military, and any of you that are in/have close family that are in, you will understand what I am talking about. There are many people in the military that have earned many awards, both ribbons and badges that qualify them for something (specialty schools, for example). The people I respect the most, are those that never put that chest candy on and only do so when they HAVE to,i.e. an inspection. I cannot tell you the respect I have for someone that I have to find out by chance that they are have a Ranger Tab (think of the worst/hardest thing you have done in your life, and then compound it for 3 months, everyday) as opposed to them wearing it from day one. You should make it your goal to never tell a single other person your GPA. Because if you really go around parading your ed. background, then you are extremely shallow and I would venture to argue narcisistic (I was back in high school, so I recognize a lot of the qualities).
Like I said, I am 22, but your arrogance and immaturity would not make me want to date you.
**I hope you do not take any of this personal, it is all just supposed to be honest feedback. If you find yourself getting defensive about this, having someone point out very serious flaws, then again take a step back and realize that that too, is a sign of immaturity.**
Alexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
November 6th, 2009 at 7:56 am


23
Alexander Says:

And ozgirlkim, I will confess that mine is the same. I never left the country before I went to the Academy, but since, I have done 9 countries (all by 3 were on Uncle Sam’s dime, so thanks you guys! ), and will hit 10 this Spring Break when I go to Jordan to practice my Arabic.
But yes, I am the same way as you. SAME. WAY. Travel is not just getting stamps on your passport, no matter how much us ignorant Americans think it is (yes, Americans are the most ignorante people in the world), but rather seeing the culture, struggling with the language, and going down that road that isn’t on the guidebook. I love to hike, crazily, and eat at the most run down joints because often times, they are the most authentic food. I remember in Costa Rica we ate at this little cantina that was the front porch of a grandmother’s house. Best. Food. In. All. Costa. Rica.
So that is what I am a snob about
Alexander´s last blog ..Ring Weekend from a Cadet’s Point of View, Pt. 3
November 6th, 2009 at 8:35 am


24
Mr_Right Says:

I got a fortune cookie today, and I believe it’s yours, DD. It says, “Good luck on your journey.”
November 6th, 2009 at 2:12 pm


25
Hamilton Says:

You should read this:
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
November 6th, 2009 at 4:53 pm


26
Steve Errey - The Confidence Guy Says:

There’s something that seems really arbitrary about the your college degree dealbreaker. Sure, it’s good to know what the dealbreakers are in relationships, and I’m with you 100% on the smoking and drugs thing (why does everyone seem to expect everyone else to smoke pot, that is NOT an okay thing to do), but it’s important to understand where the grey areas are.
Smoking and drugs is a binary thing. Either you do or you don’t. Having a college degree is a binary thing, but the grey area is the difference between the intelligence required to pass a degree course and the broader intelligence required to be a decent human being.
Danny Boy nailed it when he said “it sounds like a degree is only a red herring, its just the easiest way to quantify what you’re looking for”.
I never went to university and therefore don’t have a degree, but I’m regarded as fiercely intelligent by everyone who knows me and works with me. In all honesty, there are few people who can think faster than me.
That capability is always there, regardless of whether I went to uni or not. That capability is there for me to apply in the ways that fit with what matters to me.
And as I hinted at earlier, let’s not forget the massive difference between intelligence and wisdom. For me, a woman with wisdom is abundantly more attractive than a woman with a degree.
I want someone who can challenge me and I want someone who can keep me on my toes. The best way to do that isn’t with references to literature or science, but with references to meaningful parts of life and observations based on emotional intelligence.
That’s sexy.
Steve Errey – The Confidence Guy´s last blog ..Do You Have the Confidence of Your Convictions?
November 8th, 2009 at 6:58 am


27
Honey Says:

But, Hamilton, having your own biological kids is probably the single most unethical decision that ordinary people make in the course of their lives…
Honey´s last blog ..A Typical Date With Lance and Why Intimacy Matters on First Dates
November 10th, 2009 at 11:37 am

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