The Dateable Dork

Sigh.

Ok, my lovely readers, in light of the recent hubbub surrounding my ill-fated “list of dating requirements,” I have to get a few things off my chest:

1.  CHILL OUT, people.  Please.  For the love of god.

2.  I firmly believe that things have been blown WAY out of proportion.  It’s funny – when I was writing up those paragraphs about how I only date men with college degrees, I *knew* it was going to elicit a bit of discussion and might potentially offend people, but I had NO IDEA of the magnitude of the backlash that would ensue.  Wow.  Let me repeat that: WOW.

3.  To clarify (again): I am absolutely, positively, in NO WAY whatsoever implying that a person without a college degree is any less capable, intelligent, keen, likely to be successful as a professional or in a relationship, or deserving of respect that someone with a college degree.

Let us all pause for a moment to allow that to sink in.

… … …

Are we all clear on that?  I certainly hope so.  This is a VERY important point, and I have to admit that it’s hard not to be personally offended when one is accused of this kind of sweeping ignorance and – dare I say it – prejudice.  I don’t think I’ve ever implied this, and if I have, I apologize sincerely.  I absolutely do not feel this way and never have. 

4.  Another clarification (again): In reality, my college degree requirement weeds out VERY few potential dates.  To be perfectly honest, I know exactly ONE person in my age range who doesn’t have a college degree.  (This person happens to be my brother, but that’s beside the point.)  The vast majority of my current friends and acquaintances were met through college, grad school, or work, and – here’s a shocker – they all have degrees, and most of them have an advanced degree.  This is the world that I live in.  When screening men through online dating sites, I’d say that less than 10 percent of men who contact me don’t meet my college degree requirement.  Honestly, this is NOT a lot of people.  This college degree thing does not define my screening process.  It DOES happen to be something I feel strongly about, but in practice, it really doesn’t come into play very often at all.

5.  Yet another clarification (again): My feelings on advanced degrees, GPA, and the reputation of one’s institution(s) are simply preferences and are absolutely NOT used to reject men.  Please, let’s all be honest with ourselves here – do you *really* think that I go around asking men for their college GPAs and walking away with my nose in the air when they come up with anything less than a 4.0?  Really???  Who in their right mind would actually do this?  I mean, seriously.  And do you *really* think that I’d reject an all-around great guy just because he doesn’t have an Ivy League diploma?  Geez.  Let’s all take a deep breath and remind ourselves of the difference between reality and fiction.

6.  A quick dating status update: For those of you who haven’t noticed, I am not currently dating.  To clarify, I am *choosing* not to date.  I haven’t actively put myself out on the dating market since July when I went on that awful troll date, which completely turned me off to the entire process.  I admit that I’m completely jaded and am actively taking a much-needed dating hiatus.  In addition, I’m not sure how much I’ve talked about this on the blog, but I recently got a new job (kind of – it’s a long story), and things at work have been crazy.  I come home stressed out and exhausted everyday and really have NO time or desire to bother with dating right now.  Oh, and the little snippets of free time that I manage to carve out for myself are either taken up with grad school applications or the occasional mental break to recharge from a hectic week.  Simply put, dating is not on my radar right now.  At all.  And it’s kind of nice.

As such, I haven’t been meeting any new men lately.  On purpose.  I’m sure I’ll get back on the dating scene eventually, once work settles down, once all my applications have been submitted, and once I become slightly less jaded.  I appreciate all the recent comments to “meet some new men already, for god’s sake,” but it’s just not something I’m looking to do right now.  So let’s all relax a bit.  Deep breaths, my dears.

7.  In light of the fact that I haven’t been meeting anyone new lately, I admit that I’ve been clinging to past guys who are very obviously not good for me.  I know this.  I am aware.  I’m a big girl and know exactly what I’m doing.  I realize when I’m making a mistake.  It’s so obvious!  How could I *not* know, I mean really???  While I firmly believe that I don’t have to justify my actions to anyone other than myself, I hereby present a quick-and-dirty justification for my ongoing contact with various and sundry men of my past:

- Hot Marine: Despite the fact that he’s a complete monster, he is exactly what I’m looking for in every other respect and I fully admit that I’m addicted to him in a completely unhealthy and toxic way and have been since practically the day that I met him.  However, let the record show that there has been absolutely NO contact since I had dinner with him last month when he dropped that ridiculous bomb on me.

- New Year’s Lips: Despite the fact that there is absolutely no possibility of things ever working out with him, I firmly believe that he is a stand-up guy (I know you don’t believe me, but I’m sticking to my guns on this one since I’m the only one of us who has actually met him in person).  For better or for worse, I firmly believe that he didn’t know he had the STD that he gave me and that he truly felt awful about it when he found out what I went through.  He has always treated me with respect, and he’s actually a nice/fun guy to be around.  I know exactly how this comes off, but you’ll just have to trust me on this one (or not).  I’m finding it impossible to adequately explain this in writing without coming off as completely delusional.

- The new male prospect: Despite my ongoing inability to maintain a completely platonic friendship with him, we actually *have* become fairly close friends, and I truly value my friendship with him.  He’s been dating his girlfriend for almost a year and a half now, and I would never jeopardize that… and neither would he.  I haven’t actually seen him since *before* he started dating his GF, which was seriously a long-ass time ago.  We live far away from each other now, and I think it’s perfectly fine to catch up with him over the phone every once in a while.  No harm done.

8.  I absolutely do NOT want to date someone who “treats me like garbage.”  Geez, I really didn’t think I’d ever have to put that in writing, but there it is.  My contact with the aforementioned men of the past is merely a distraction for me during a busy time in my life.  They provide me with entertainment.  The provide me with interesting stories for the blog.  They provide me with funny stories to share with my girlfriends over drinks on a Saturday night.  They provide me with a good laugh after a long, shitty day at work.  I fully admit that I use them to generate a little bit of much-needed distraction in what has recently been a stressful, aggravating, exhausting time in my life.  It’s as simple as that.

9.  And finally, on that note, my life has been unusually busy for the past few months.  I’m sure you’ve all noticed that I haven’t been blogging nearly as much as I used to, for two reasons: (1) My dating/sex life is essentially non-existent right now; and (2) I hardly have any free time in the evenings anymore.  You’ll notice that I’m writing this post at 1:00 in the morning and cutting into my sleep time to do so.  As such, I honestly don’t have very much time to put into the blog right now, and I’ve found it very difficult to respond in detail to the recent mini-swarm of comments and emails — both the thoughtful/insightful comments and the rampant accusations and sweeping, poorly-supported generalizations.  I sincerely apologize for this.  Rest assured that I do read every comment and email and take them to heart.  I also apologize for the fact that apparently some of you have more time available to read and comment on my blog than I have to actually write it.  I wish this wasn’t the case, but it is what it is these days.  Hopefully things will settle down for me soon, and at that point, I’ll have more time to respond more thoroughly and efficiently.

10.  On a related note, I firmly believe that justifying every aspect of my life and my decision-making process and untwisting words that have been misconstrued or misinterpreted are things that I have neither an obligation nor a desire to perform.  I know I’ve gotten crap for this comment before, but I’ll make it again: as a human being, my life and my psyche are much more complex than what filters through onto this blog.  Seriously.  Think about it.  Some of the recent comments about me have been wildly exaggerated and have been based on far too little evidence to be properly supported. 

11.  Finally, I am not a helpless, clueless woman in need of saving.  I’m not perfect, but I feel as if I’m being made out to be a poor little girl who needs coddling and elicits pity, and to be perfectly honest, this bugs the shit out of me.  I take an inordinate amount of pride in being a fiercely independent, self-sufficient, respected professional, and I have my shit together and my life in order.  My emotional relationships could certainly use some improvement, but geez, I’m not an idiot.  Lately I’ve been feeling as if comments are being made about me as if I’m not even in the room, as if I’m a four-year-old who doesn’t understand when her parents are calling her a “b-a-b-y.”  Recall that we’re all adults here and should be treated as such.

That’s all for tonight, folks.  More to come on this, I’m sure.  For now, I need to get some sleep.