Acknowledging a change in perspective
As I was running some errands the other day and reflecting on my hot tub night with NYL (drooling, with ga-ga eyes, as usual), I inadvertently stumbled upon an interesting realization: I’m enjoying sex much more these days for the intimacy as opposed to the orgasms. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I really do enjoy the orgasms.  But what I’ve really been taking away from these past few nights with NYL is the physical intimacy with another human being. Simply the act of physically touching him, the kissing, the eye contact, the trust and comfort you have to have with someone to really enjoy sex… it’s all so much more satisfying than the eye-popping moments when his tongue executes a performance worthy of an Olympic medal. (Too bad there’s no official event for that, ha.)
I don’t know exactly why this is happening, or exactly when the shift occurred, but I have a few ideas. For one, sex has been a pretty rare event these days, as has any physical contact with men in general since I pretty much gave up on dating after that awful troll date, so I’ve been really enjoying the interaction with NYL – an attractive, completely non-troll-like, red-blooded man. Also, I’m able to experience a decent level of intimacy with him because we’ve dated in the past, and we’re comfortable together, and we’ve actually been having fun hanging out lately. And of course, since we’d actually be dating right now if I had my say about things, I admit that sex with him satisfies a little bit of my delusional fantasy – when he looks into my eyes, I kinda sorta pretend that there’s more there than there actually is.  Oh, don’t look at me like that. : )
Or maybe it’s just the fact that I’m lonely, and it’s winter, and it’s cold and windy and crappy out, and sex with NYL is all warm and cuddly and comforting. And I like it when he looks at me with those kid-in-a-candy-store eyes. And I like it when he cuddles up to me afterward. And, I don’t know, it’s just nice to be that close to someone, even if it’s not 100% real. You know?
But that’s the thing about sex – it fucks everything up. You get screwed, and then you get screwed again with the aftermath. Things are getting all swirly and confused in my head. I can feel myself attaching to him emotionally, which, OF COURSE, is exactly what I know I should NOT be doing. Of course. Of COURSE this is happening. But I actually kinda like it, and right now it’s fulfilling a spot in my life that I’m deliberately leaving open in my last few months in this crazy city. And even if it’s all in my head, I’m really getting something worthwhile out of the intimacy.Â
It’s strange to say this, but it’s making me feel somewhat human again. And honestly, that’s not a bad thing.
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P.S. – After reading this post about how I’m getting emotionally attached, here’s another realization: this isn’t very much of “change” for me after all, is it?Â
P.P.S. – I’m super emotional today. I saw two polar bears nuzzle up against each other on tv and started crying. It’s all hormones, I swear. : )
haha relax missy,
its not just women that happens too (the liking the intimacy part…not the crying at the polar bears, if a man starts crying at that he needs his balls re-attached
)
its natural for us to enjoy the physical attention and interaction, would be odd if we didnt, so you should just sit back and enjoy it all. You’re in an ideal situation where you’ve got the rest of your life to look forward to when you go back to school but in the meantime you get some good sex and intimacy with someone you’re comfortable with and isn’t pushing you to make a longer term commitment to him or giving you choices between him or grad school
you need to start looking at this as a glass half-full situation
(because from what i can tell, no matter how “involved” you get, there is no outcome or long term-future you want with this guy so have your cake and eat it too)
February 16th, 2010 at 8:18 amI don’t know if you know this, but Lance and I started dating about 2-3 months before I got accepted into grad school, and we broke up when I left. We knew we were going to break up when I left because no way was 2-3 months long enough to even talk about him moving to go with me, but he is still one of my nicest relationships.
February 16th, 2010 at 9:49 amHoney´s last blog ..Moving, Meetup, and Other Updates
It’s funny how that happens, how when someone is single for a long enough period of time, the simple act of another human touching you is enough to satisfy your emotions, it is true intimacy… and this is why porn will never replace women
February 16th, 2010 at 10:08 amMatt Savage´s last blog ..Announcing the 45 Day Online Dating Challenge
Mal – Well, I can’t exactly have my cake and eat it too with this guy, considering that if he offered me a long-term future, I’d take it in a heartbeat. That said, I accept the fact that he’s not offerring it, and I’m certainly enjoying hanging out with him occasionally. It is what it is. Perhaps I do need to focus on the glass-half-full side of it. : )
Honey – First of all, I thought you and Lance dated for a year or so, no? Secondly, are you telling me that I should go for it with NYL??? : )
Matt – Right on, my brother, right on. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
February 16th, 2010 at 7:31 pmThe Dateable Dork´s last blog ..Acknowledging a change in perspective
I think that’s how Lance remembers it. But we definitely started dating in late December and broke up 3 weeks or so before I moved to Arizona, so it would have been early July.
And as long as you accept that it’s not going anywhere (but you are!) I don’t think there’s anything wrong in some disease-free fun with a guy that you also happen to actually get along with
February 16th, 2010 at 7:55 pmHoney´s last blog ..Moving, Meetup, and Other Updates