This is my last post from my apartment in New York, and since my cable cuts out tomorrow morning, I’ll be on an internet blackout for the next few days.  See you on the flip side.  Boston, here I come.

I’m so sorry that I’ve been MIA for so long!  To be honest, I didn’t even realize how long it had been until I just saw that my last post was a solid month ago, yikes!

Here’s a quick update on what’s been going down these days:

(1) Moving is totally and completely stressing me out.  I was on the verge of a panic attack a few days ago, which was the culmination of several weeks of non-stop planning and making arrangements and overall driving myself insane.

(2) Downsizing my life to such a huge extent is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  This is crazy!  I have been essentially getting rid of everything I own, including all my furniture, which is apparently impossible to sell!  WTF, right?

(3) Moving from one crowded city with no parking to another crowded city with no parking is a major pain in the ass and is insanely expensive.  I am hemorrhaging money!

I’m still waiting for my “Summer of DD” to kick in… but I don’t think it’s coming anytime soon!  The only time I’ll be able to relax is after this move is over and done with, which won’t be for probably another 2 weeks.  Ugh.  Thank god I’m not working right now because all I do all day is plan this move – it’s a full time job in and of itself.  I don’t know how in the world I would have been able to do it while still at my job!  (And BTW, I don’t miss that job one bit!  Yay!)

Ahhhhhh, I am just so stressed out and anxious, and I’m not sleeping very well, and even though I keep crossing things off my to-do list, the list never gets any shorter.  Let me tell ya – making a big move like this – all by yourself! – is just insane. 

Little bits of excitement to report:

- Last week I went up to Boston for a few days to paint my new apartment (i.e., the crash pad).  I love the way it came out, but here’s the lesson learned: taking 3 days to paint an entire apartment by yourself in mid-July with no air conditioning is NOT a good idea.  Never again!

- I’ve been up to Boston a few times in the last month or so, and every time I walk through the campus I feel this crazy overwhelming sense of excitement and adrenaline.  I absolutely can’t wait to get started.  All kidding aside, this is seriously a dream come true for me.  I am thrilled beyond belief and am so incredibly fortunate to have been offerred this opportunity.  It’s unreal.

- I slapped my face up on the online dating dumpster a few weeks ago to round up a few dates in Boston after I move, and I have a handful of prospects that I’m semi-excited about.  Nothing overly exciting, but at least this will give me the opportunity to meet people up there and to learn my way around the city a bit.  There has been some cute texting with one guy in particular, but you really never know until you meet in person, so we’ll see how it goes after the move.

- I’m very excited to get my furry ball of love (i.e., the cat), but that probably won’t be for another month or so.

Interesting tidbits about infamous regulars on this blog:

- The NMP and I didn’t talk for about a month or so after the fallout on Memorial Day weekend when he was being totally childish and I kicked him out of my apartment for the second time in a row.  Just this past week we kind of worked things out – kind of – and are now at least talking again, which is good.  I don’t know if we can really move forward with a decent friendship at this point, but things are better than they were.

- You’ll all LOVE this one: After three and a half years, I finally gathered up the strength to delete David (aka Hot Marine) from my life.  This move to Boston is such a great opportunity to refine and purge, and I guess it was the perfect push that I needed to finally do this.  I deleted 3.5 years worth of emails, all the miscellaneous photos of him I had on my computer, his phone number, and his email address.  GONE.  Done and done.  Love it!!!  I know it took me a really long time to reach this point, but I’m really proud of myself for doing this.  It feels really, really good.  : )

- Interestingly enough, this move is also forcing me to look back on my six years in New York and evaluate where I stand and how I want to leave things, and, for my own sense of closure and peace of mind, I sent one final apologetic note to The Editor.  Looking back, that incident was truly a defining moment in my life, and I haven’t been the same person since.  I feel horribly about the way I behaved and the fact that I hurt him, and so I sent him a quick email to let him know just how much that whole experience shook me and how badly I still feel about it.  I don’t expect anything in response, but I just needed to send it.

Anyway… my big moving day is July 31 (a week from today!), so at least the end is near.  Give me strength!!!

How have you all been doing??  : )

(1) I went to Home Depot today to look at paint samples (how exciting!), and even though I was only walking around the store for a half hour or so, at least 5 or 6 employees asked me if I needed help finding something.  Note that they didn’t ask all other random people next to me if they needed help, just me.  Apparently I look really out of place at Home Depot or something.  I suppose it didn’t hurt that I was wearing a bring pink shirt and a miniskirt (not exactly a Home Depot outfit, I admit), but hello?  I’m 30 years old and can find my way to the paint section, thank-you-very-much.  One guy actually said, “You look too young to own a house.”  WTF??? 

(2) This afternoon I went furniture shopping (also very exciting!) and totally got picked up by a young furniture salesman.  Hahaha!  The best part was that – get this – the pink shirt I happened to be wearing today had my new university name slapped across the front in big letters (I’m proud, so sue me), and this guy said he was so intrigued that he just had to come over and ask me if I go to school there.  Who knew this school was a magnet for young bachelors???  : )  Awesome!!!  So I told him all about my grad program, and he was eating up every bit of it.  We probably chatted for a half hour or so, and I walked away with his cell number.  HA!

If this is a sign of things to come, this blog will be getting a lot more exciting in the next few months.  : )  Note to self: need to get a lot more of those pink t-shirts.

Hands down, the best part about the trip was that they had these mock apartments set up in the showroom, including some *tiny* city apartments just like the one I’ll have in Cambridge.  There was even a 275-sq-ft mock-up, which was perfect for me because my new place is 300-sq-ft.  Holy crap do these Swedish people know how to pack stuff into a tiny space and make it look fabulous.  I was blown away.  I took a ton of photos and wrote down the product numbers and dimensions of all the pieces I liked, and then I came home and started an Excel mock-up of my new place (based on measurements I took when I rented it), and tomorrow I’m going to start placing pieces in my Excel-ified apartment to see how it’ll all go together.  I am so freaking excited, you have no idea.

Oh IKEA, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways…  : )

Earlier this week, in my new-found unemployed bliss, I went shopping during the afternoon and picked up a few new summer dresses – no big deal, just cute little dresses to wear around town while enjoying my vast expanse of free time.  I scored some major sales and got four dresses for 10 bucks each – not bad!  This morning I decided to pick out one of my new dresses and test drive it running some errands, so I threw it on, dropped off some mail, and picked up some stuff at the drug store… all the while thinking about how cute I must have looked in my new $10 dress.  When I got home, I was washing my hands in the bathroom and looked up to see that MY NIPPLE HAD BEEN HANGING OUT THE ENTIRE TIME.

Did I mention that I decided not to wear a bra with this dress?  It’s one of those things with a “built-in” bra-like structure, and it was super hot today, so I figured what the hell.  The dress fit well enough and my boobs are small enough that I often go bra-less in summer dresses like this and have never had a problem.  But apparently in my efforts to push up my boobs *just* enough so that I have a little cleavage, I must have pushed a little too far and not noticed until I got back home.  How embarrassing!

Oh well, I guess I must have given the cashier at the drug store a little more than she bargained for.  Note to self: always check for nipple exposure before leaving the apartment.  But I wonder… if my A-cup boobs managed to bust out of this dress, how in the world do women with bigger boobs wear these things???

P.S. – Like my tank-top tan?  : )

The NMP finally called me back tonight (after I had sent him 2 texts and 1 voicemail over the past 2 weeks or so), and he basically said that he’s “sick and tired” of me “fucking dictating everything” and said that he’s done dealing with my bullshit.  The conversation lasted about 30 seconds.  In the same breath that he said all of that, he also said goodbye, and I was about to hang up the phone when I realized that he hadn’t actually hung up yet.  So I waited kind of a long time, and neither one of us hung up.  And I was this close to calling him on it when I decided to just cut my losses and hang up.  I didn’t say goodbye – I just hung up.

To be honest: this sucks.  I hate that I fucked up our friendship so horribly, and I hate that he gave me too many reasons to be pissed at him.  Why are our interactions so doomed?  What happened to my friend?  Argh.  Not seeing him is probably for the best, but not even talking to him?  Not sure I ever really wanted that, but here it is, slapped in my face whether I like it or not.  Ouch.

I guess now I know how he feels.

Yesterday I had a three-hour lunch with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while – this guy, actually.  He also just quit his job recently, so we were both unemployed with nothing to do on a random Tuesday afternoon, and we sat and had fresh seafood and margaritas by the water on a warm, sunny day.  Niiiiiiice.  Also nice: my very married friend was as cute as ever.  Another nice thing: he got me a going-away present.  We had been talking about this book on and off for the last few months, and he did some online searching for the particular edition that he had when he was a kid, and there it was waiting for me when I showed up for lunch.  How sweet!  It was only after I got home that I noticed that he had written a little message inside the front cover, and reading his good wishes in his own handwriting in this book that he had hunted down for me was just really heartwarming.  I slept with that book on my nightstand last night.

At one point during lunch we were talking about how men and women can never really be “just friends,” and then he was like, “well, it’s different with us, because I’m married, and you have all your crazy dating stuff,” and I was like, “………… right.”  Aaaaawkward!  Hahaha.  I would never, ever do anything to disrupt a perfectly happy marriage, but I’m telling you, if this guy wasn’t married, I’d have jumped him right then and there.

Then last night I had dinner with the other DD at my place, and we talked and talked about sex and men and all sorts of juicy stuff.  I love hanging out with this girl!  Where has she been all my life?  Oh, that’s right, living right fucking down the street from me!  Ugh, how ironic that I meet her right before I’m moving away. 

Today I went to the gynecologist (how exciting!) and got my annual checkup before heading off to school.  When she asked if I wanted to be tested for STDs, I said “yes, please.”  When she asked if I was sexually active (god, I hate that phrase!), I said, “yes.”  When she asked if I was just with one partner, I said, “ummm, no.”  And then we had the same conversation that I always have with my gynecologist – i.e., the most awkward conversation ever – about how my sex life is so unpredictable and is always changing and who knows who I’ll be sleeping with next.  Then I get the infamous “look of disapproval.”  Then I’m quick to say that I never ever ever have sex without a condom and how I’m 30 years old and have never ever ever been pregnant, and the “look of disapproval” slowly melts away.  Let us not mention the infamous STD saga of 2008, which STILL puzzles me because I never ever ever have sex without a condom.  But moving right along…

I have a bunch of health-related paperwork to fill out for school, so I spent the rest of the afternoon running around trying to get signatures and make photocopies, etc.  Only 2 more doctor’s appointments to go, and then I think I’ll be all squared away.  Tonight I had a home-cooked meal for the first time in who knows how long, and I just finished doing my laundry, and now the night is quiet and peaceful and relaxing.  Ahhhhhhh.  Another deep breath.  The “Summer of DD” finally feels within reach.  : )

And now for the super-fun full-disclosure portion of this post:

Full-disclosure item #1: I really miss talking to the NMP.  Ever since the incident over Memorial Day weekend (which was the second incident in a row with him), we haven’t been speaking.  Actually, to be more specific, the NMP hasn’t been speaking to me.  I offered an olive branch via text twice, with no response from him, and then I tried calling and he didn’t pick up.  I left a nice voicemail saying that I miss talking and hope we can work this out, but he hasn’t called back.  So sad.  I just hate this!  I know I probably deserve the cold shoulder here, but it still sucks.  I’d like to resolve this at some point.

Full-disclosure item #2: I’ve been in contact with David again.  Yes, that David.  Ooooooh, how scandalous!  I see you shaking your heads in disapproval.  I know, it’s horrible.  But also?  It’s kind of fun.  Nothing has been going on, but we’ve been emailing back and forth a bit and texting occasionally, and we’ve been trying to meet up for dinner one night to catch up.  A few weeks ago I got a booty call text from him, in which he implied that he and his gf were on their way out, and although I refused to see him in that context, I don’t think I’d be opposed to meeting for an innocent dinner.  He’s so adorable, after all.  That midwestern accent and those blue eyes… hahaha.  I’m SO asking for trouble here.

I think that’s about it for tonight, although I feel like there are so many things I’m forgetting!  Hmm… what else?  I’m sure it’ll come to me at some point.  For now I’m just enjoying a nice, calm night at home in my new-found unemployed bliss.  I don’t miss my job one bit.  : )

I wound up taking a 300-square-foot studio apartment in an amazing location.  The building seems to be old enough to have housed the founders of the university, but I’m right smack dab in the middle of the hustle and bustle, so I’m happy.  Hopefully being nice and close will make it easier to make new friends, and if I’m really unhappy with the apartment, I can move next year once I know the area a little better and have the convenience of being local while apartment shopping.  All in all, I’m very happy with how it all turned out, and I’m even happier that the crazy apartment hunt is over!

So… anyone want any of my furniture?  Or all of it?  : )

This has been the craziest week ever, and I’m sorry again that I’ve been away from the blog.  I miss you guys!  But rest assured that pretty soon (once I find an apartment in Boston), things will settle down, and I’ll have nothing to do except blog and soak up the sun allllllll day long.

Ah, freedom.  I’m SO loving this.  And to celebrate, I’m off to get drunk and shake my booty with sketchy bar monkeys.  And who knows, maybe I’ll even meet another sex god – but hopefully one who lives a little closer to home.  : )

(And I know I still owe you details!  I know!  I promise I’ll get to this.  It’s on my list, my dears.)

Here’s a quick run-down of what’s been going on:

- I’m quitting my job this week.  This week!  Friday is my  last day, and then my much-anticipated “Summer of DD” (a la “Summer of George” from Seinfeld) begins.  Awesome!  And… holy crap.  There is HR stuff to do.  There is work to wrap up and a desk to be cleaned.  And there’s that minor little detail of not having a paycheck anymore.  Yeah, what was I thinking???  I’m flipping out a little.

- I’m apartment shopping in Boston.  OUCH.  That city is friggin’ expensive as hell, and this is coming from a New Yorker!  I guess the problem is that my salary is dropping from comfortable-but-frugal in NYC to am-I-really-sure-I-won’t-starve-on-this in Boston.  So there is a huge drop in what I can afford, but still.  Give me a break, Boston!  I did a lot of research last week and went up to look at a handful of places yesterday, and suffice it to say, I didn’t come home with a signed lease.  Ugh.  If only I had a Scrooge McDuck pit of money to solve all my problems.  : )

- I met another DD, which is friggin’ awesome.  Unlike most of my other friends who are a little conservative and give me the eyes-popping-out-of-their-head look or the I-would-never-ever-do-that look whenever I even hint at the idea of casual sex, this girl totally gets me.  Too bad I met her with only a few more weeks left in New York!  Anyway, I’ve been enjoying chillin’ with this girl, and it feels great to be able to be 100% myself around her, dirty and vulgar and the whole nine yards.  Very cool.

- The NMP and I had a huge fight and are not currently speaking.  OMG, it was a huge disaster.  Remember that night when I kicked him out of my apartment for scaring the shit out of me?  Well, a week later, I kicked him out again.  I guess it took a few tries (years?) for me to learn this lesson, but here we are.  This time it was because he was being ridiculously childish and totally lame, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.  God, WHY did I ever put up with him in the first place???  Long story short, we were in the middle of a late-night drunken hook-up, and the NMP flat-out refused to do anything but lie there and kept blatantly telling me “no” and “it’s still my turn” and “I’m not doing that.”  What the fuck???  We had a big fight, and I kicked him out, and that was that.  I’m done with this bullshit.  DONE!!!

So that’s the story, in a nutshell.  I’ve been running around like a crazy woman, stressed out about my upcoming lack-of-paycheck and lack-of-ability-to-afford-a-non-shithole-apartment-in-Boston, and there has been a lot of wine drinking and not getting enough sleep and being generally irritable and cranky.  Dislike!  But hopefully things will settle down enough for me to enjoy my “Summer of DD” before the Big Move.

One piece of good news – while I was walking around my new campus yesterday, I was reminded of how much I love it up there.  It was a miserable day, and I was exhausted, sweaty, and rained on, but I was still happy.  I think that’s a good sign.  : )

And yes, call me a snob or a yuppie or whatever the hell you want, but I am sooooooo loving the fact that I am now the proud owner of an email address that consists of [myname]@[holy-shit-big-name-school].edu.  LOVE.  IT. 

Ahhhhhhh, the sweet smell of academia.  : )

**********

By the way, I am SUPER behind on blogging these days.  Shit has been going down left and right, and I haven’t written about any of it, and I still owe you my hot Texas-guy-sex details!  Ahh!

- It’s fucking HOT AS HELL in here in the northeast.  DAMN.  To top things off, I’m convinced that it’s actually hotter in my apartment than it is outside.  Actually, to be more specific, my apartment has turned into a sauna.  I think I’ve lost at least 5 pounds in sweat tonight.  It’s all very attractive, trust me.  : )

- Due to the crazy sauna-like state in here, I finally caved and put in my window air conditioner.  I try so hard to make it to Memorial Day, but tonight was just too fucking hot.  TOO HOT!!!  Sigh.  I am so sticky and sweaty and disgusting right now, but at least I hear the chugging of the AC in the background and hope that it’s bearable in here by the time I go to sleep.

- Due to a female shortage on our corporate co-ed softball team, I played softball tonight for the first time in, oh, about 15 years or so.  It was… ok.  I’m not a big fan of softball, and I felt a little self-conscious because I sucked ass and was dragging down an otherwise pretty decent team, but who cares!  It was fun.  I even hit the ball (kind of).  Yay me.

- In a shocking twist of fate, my Texas two-night-stand popped up on my cell phone tonight, and we wound up chatting for a few minutes.  Good news #1: He didn’t ask to get together again anytime soon, which hopefully means that he really is back in Texas and not home with a wife in New York somewhere.  Good news #2: I got his last name.  Seriously, it was kind of bothering me that there was a guy on my sex list with no last name.  I mean, really.  I’m not that girl, am I?  Good news #3: He was actually friendly and cute over the phone.  I really can’t imagine that I’ll ever see this guy again, ever, but hey, it was a nice conversation and kind of cute that he called. 

- The Texas guy and I are now friends on Facebook.  Cue music of doom…

Edited to add: I just checked out his FB page, and OMG this guy is a total player!  Every photo is him in a bar with amazingly hot girls throwing themselves at him.  It’s ridiculous.

I just kicked the NMP out of my apartment, after he drove 2 hours to get here.  We were supposed to hang out, catch up, go out for a few drinks, and come back to my place to fool around – no big deal.  But as we were leaving my apartment to head out to the bar, the NMP cornered me in the hallway and essentially threw himself at me, which normally I would have been totally into, but in this case I think he (unintentionally) crossed the line between being sexually aggressive (which I like) and flat-out attacking me.  I know he didn’t mean any harm, and I completely trust him, but for some reason this time he just went too far.  He kept saying “I’m taking control,” which, combined with his actions, triggered my internal panic button or something.  I told him to stop and he didn’t at first, which just got me even more panicked, and finally I had to physically push him off me and step away… at which point I told him to leave, which thankfully he did.

It’s funny how I always talk about how I like guys who are sexually aggressive and who will slap me around a bit, but there is such a huge difference between being playfully aggressive and being frighteningly aggressive, and the line (however fine it may be) was definitely crossed tonight, and I totally and completely flipped out.  Not cool.  I am still a little shaky and just double-checked that all my doors are locked, and I feel so much better knowing that I’m safe and secure in my own apartment.

Geez.  I don’t know what got into him – or me – but something there just wasn’t right.  I’m off to curl up on my couch, eat some ice cream (comfort food), and probably check my locks a few more times.  Maybe this is all in my head – I don’t know – but I don’t think I’m going to be seeing the NMP again for a while.

P.S. – He just called and I didn’t pick up.  Not ready to talk about this yet.

So, this begs the question: what should I take?  : )  There are about a million things on my wish list, but at the top of the list (and not uncommon at all, so I hear) are languages.  Oh, how I love languages.  My long-lost love!  (Aside from my love of all things scientific, of course.)  In college I took as much Spanish as I could – that is, until I ran out of room for electives.  Not only were the language, literature, and film fascinating to me, but Spanish class was always a very welcome mental break from my usual lab reports and calculations.  I also attempted to take French, but my professor kept yelling at me for speaking Spanish in his French class (I was seriously confused – they seemed so similar!). 

Anyway, my interest in languages is still as strong today as it ever was, and instead of taking more Spanish, I’d love to try something completely different.  And as luck would have it, they offer just about everything at this place, so I have my pick of pretty much anything I want.  How friggin cool is this?  After giving it some thought, Russian seems to be floating to the top of the list (you all know how I love classic Russian lit, right?), but I still would love to try French again.  I have no interest in learning anything remotely useful – like Chinese or Arabic – it figures, right?  All my interests tend to be impractical, but the Spanish has certainly proven useful. 

My only concern with this grand plan of mine is that, although I can technically take as many classes as I want, I’ll have to squeeze them into an already-packed schedule full of my departmental requirements and research.  Yeah.  Therein lies the problem.  Based on my conversations with current grad students, taking classes “for fun” is pretty much impossible.  Ugh.  But I am determined to attempt to make it happen!  I can’t say that I’m determined to actually make it happen (because god only knows how busy I’ll be), but I’m going to make a good faith effort here.  How cool would it be to be able to read Anna Karenina in the original text???  : )

To those of you who come here for dating-related content, my sincere apologies for my academic rant tonight.  I can’t help it!  This stuff is super exciting to me, and I am just so in love with this university for a dozen different reasons.  I just can’t wait to get started already.  : )

So, anyone out there speak Russian?  Would I be getting myself in over my head or what?

Anyway… lately I’ve been putting a lot of mental energy into strategically avoiding New Year’s Lips – physically, electronically, and mentally.  I don’t hang out in his neighborhood anymore because I don’t want to accidentally run into him (and his girlfriend).  I don’t look at cute photos of him that I’ve swiped from his Facebook page and saved on my computer (ahem).  I definitely don’t visit his FB page and actively avoid logging in when I see that he’s posted something – I just wait a day until he falls off my news feed.  I don’t read his old emails, especially the one with the awkward girlfriend announcement.  And most of all, I don’t allow myself to think about him… well, not any more than it’s taking me to write this post, anyway.

I used to think about NYL a lot.  I used to fantasize about him, I used to pull out old memories of him when I was bored or lonely – cooking pancakes for breakfast, cuddling up by the fireplace – and I used to replay that amazing first kiss over and over in my mind because it was just THAT good.  But I’m trying to avoid all of this now, and it’s so much harder than I thought it would be.

But… I think actually thinking about him would be even harder – replaying all those memories and knowing that he’s “in a relationship” (god, I fucking HATE Facebook!) with someone else.  And she’s cute, even.  I see them smiling in photos on FB, which is why I don’t go on there very much anymore.  I don’t want to torture myself with that, so I’m trying very, very hard to just get him out of my mind completely.  You can tell how well it’s working because I’m writing this huge post about him – ha.

I think the main problem is that NYL is just so good in so many ways, and it drives me crazy to be searching for someone else when such a great catch is sitting right in front of me.  I’m insanely attracted to him, and he’s the perfect combination of genuine, honest, geeky, smart, funny, outgoing but awkward, and – of course – absolutely phenomenal in bed.  I hope this girl knows how lucky she is!

Of course, the big flaw is that he doesn’t feel the same way about me, and I can accept that, but it doesn’t make it any easier to get him out of my head.  I suppose the other draw to him these days is that you always want what you can’t have, and I definitely can’t have him.  That was made very clear to me after I totally embarrassed myself a few weeks ago.  So, here I am, trying to avoid all thoughts and images of him, FB updates, emails, etc., all the while thinking that I would never have been in this mess if he had never contacted me out of the blue last summer in the first place.  But oh, then I wouldn’t have had those great nights with him… and I really loved those nights.  Irony, what a pain in the ass.  : )

So that’s the story for now – it hurts and it sucks, and although I’m happy that he’s happy, I’m actually pretty sad about the whole thing.  I know I should just get over it, let it go, move on, blah blah blah.  I know.  But right now it hurts, and telling myself to get over it is not going to change anything.  So for now I’m avoiding him to try to make it hurt less, and it works a little, except when I accidentally stumble upon him when I wasn’t expecting to, and then it hurts all over again. 

Oh NYL, sometimes I wish I never met you.

I seriously don’t remember the last time I was this incredibly excited about anything.  My world is a sugary sweet explosion of rainbows and gumdrops and sunshine.  Shield your eyes from the glow.  : )

Oh, and check out these cute sex/dating-related xkcd comics: porn for women, dorky sex dice, and science valentine.  We dorks luv xkcd.  : )

Now, my dears, if you know me at all by now, you know that my heart was beating out of my chest the entire time and is still beating a mile a minute as a type this.  Holy shit holy shit holy shit.  Oh, and HOLY SHIT.  Strangely enough, the five-year BF is exactly the same as I remember him, which was sort of comforting in a way that I can’t really explain.  It felt like we had just picked up exactly where we had left off, which was totally weird.  Only a million things had changed.  It’s so hard to explain, you know?  He told me all about his upcoming wedding and job changes and apartment moves and how his family is doing and all that good stuff, and I did the same, casually throwing it out there that I’ll be moving to his neck of the woods in a few months.  Oddly enough, he offered to show me around the city this fall, and I said I would love to meet his wife – ha!  Can you imagine the 3 of us going out for a beer?  Hahahaha!  I think I would drop dead from the sheer magnitude of irony.  Crazy.

Anyway, long story short, that phone call totally and completely caught me off-guard, and I think I went through a period of temporary shock or something, but in the end, I think I am ok.  My heart is actually beating a little slower now, and all told, it was actually a very nice conversation.  He seems happy, which makes me happy.  After all, things between us ended amicably enough, and I always did wish him the best. 

So that’s that.  The five-year BF and I chatted for the first time in who knows how many years, and the universe didn’t explode, and apparently I am still alive and kicking and didn’t simultaneously combust.  Huh.  Oh, the irony.

So. freaking. exciting.  : )

Random things going through my head tonight:

- The much-awaited grad school decision announcement to my family and friends is playing over and over in my head – both the CA and northeast versions.  I’m going insane.  At least there is a lot of excitement involved with both.

- I could use some killer sex these days and am debating getting back in touch with NYL.  Last time we spoke had “met a girl,” but I wonder if it worked out or not.  Damn, if he’s single, I need to GET ON THAT.  Stat.  He’s just too fucking good to go to waste.  Mmmmm…

- I’m still dreaming about that yogurt from yesterday.

- I’m still annoyed about my dismal online dating prospects, but thanks for all the adivce and sympathy.  : )  Actually, I’ve been emailing back and forth with a handful of dudes and might actually meet one for coffee.  I can’t say that I’m truly interested in any of them, but at least this gives me something to do.  The boredom has been killing me lately.

- Oh, and I just wanted to put this disclaimer out there: I’m not perfect, far from it actually.  Over the past few months, a lot of commenters have been calling me out on my shit – and believe me, I don’t deny any of it.  I whine and complain, I occasionally say something rude, I get braggy and obnoxious, and I sleep with stupid men even though I should know better.  I do it all.  I’m only human.  Take solace in the fact that I’m just as flawed and screwed up as everyone else.  : )

Ok, that’s it for tonight!  It’s way past my bedtime and I’m off to crawl into bed.  Oh, one more thing: every night for the past week or two I’ve been waking up with a kink in my neck, and I’m convinced that it’s the way I’m sleeping, which is weird because I haven’t been doing anything different.  WTF?  I’ve tried adjusting the number and position of pillows, but that just seems to make it worse.  Any suggestions??

1.  I had the most awesome yogurt for breakfast this morning – Siggi’s Icelandic style skyr.  This is the yogurt I’ve been looking for my entire life and have finally found.  Oh Siggi’s, where have you been all my life?  Can I marry you and have all your deliciously tangy babies?  Can I swim in a sea of skyr with nothing but an open mouth and a tip-top digestive system to guide me?  Seriously people, if you’re into yogurt, do yourself a favor and try this stuff.  It’s a little pricey (about $2.50 each; I only bought one cup), but totally worth it.  I am henceforth starting a yogurt savings account to support my new, glorious, skyr-slurping habit.  Ahem.

2.  I made a homemade apple pie for a breakfast thing at work this morning and took a big piece of cinnamon-appley goodness all for myself.  Mmmmm.  There aren’t many things in life that are better than a warm, gooey, homemade apple pie (although Siggi’s is one of them), and I thoroughly enjoyed every bite.

(Notice how all my good stuff today is about food?  You can see where my priorities are.)   : )

3.  In a bit of SHOCKING news, someone actually hit the “no thanks” button today!  As the guys from “tech & talk” would say: sweet holy moly!!!  I just about fell out of my chair when this happened, and how ironic that after being on the online dating scene on-and-off for a few years, this *finally* happens just days after writing that post.  How funny!  I am so proud of that guy, whoever he is, and I feel so *respected* that he actually took the 2 seconds (literally, you just have to click a button) to politely reply to my email.  Now really, was that so hard???  Thank you, anonymous guy.  You have renewed my confidence in humankind.

Plus I got out of work today at 4:30 and it was freaking gorgeous out.  All in all, a very good day.  : )

In a week I’ll be flying back to CA for my third and final campus visit, and I have a feeling that I’ll have a decision on the plane ride home.  On my last two visits, I just *knew* right away whether the school was a contender or not.  I could feel it.  With the first CA school, while I was completely impressed with the program, faculty, and resources, I found myself more excited about the weather than the school itself.  Then with the northeast campus, I was gushing with excitement before the official events even started, firing off text messages and phone calls to friends and family about how much I loved it right from the get-go.  You just know.  So we’ll see how this third visit goes.  The pressure is on for them to completely WOW me and change my mind, which for now is pretty strongly leaning toward the northeast, snow and all.  Come on, CA – I want you to blow me away!  You can do it!  I haven’t given up on my dream of surfing and tanning on my lunch breaks!

It’s just a very cool feeling to know that in two weeks or less, this whole crazy roller coaster ride will suddenly become 100% REAL.  I’ll sign onto a school, a PhD program, an advisor, and a lab.  I’ll set a date for my last day at work.  I’ll plan my summer off, which will hopefully include some traveling while I’ve got the time to do it.  And best of all, I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that I took control of one big aspect of my life and DID something about it.  It’s a great feeling, and I’m totally psyched. 

So, what do you think?  Where will I wind up?  : )

I think the biggest difference is that my single friends seem to have fallen off the map, which was basically 90% of my social life.  I have three close single girlfriends who I used to hang out with pretty regularly, but here’s what’s been going down:

Friend #1 (Young Perky Coworker – remember her from some old posts?) got a new boyfriend, and while I think this guy is a total sweetheart and love the fact that they’re totally into each other and my friend is happy, she has become absolutely impossible to nail down for social stuff.  As in, she always has plans with the BF.  Always.  I keep inviting her to everything in the hopes that one day she’ll say yes, but I’m getting kind of sad that she keeps turning us down in favor of plans with the BF that have been seemingly made in the pre-historic times and are absolutely set in stone.  Geez.  Young Perky Coworker, I miss you!  It’s nice to hang out at work, but, well, it’s at work.  Come out for a drink with us one night, seriously!  Bring the BF, I don’t care!  Just want to chill with you, girl.

Friend #2, while much more available than Young Perky Coworker, is studying pretty intensely for an upcoming exam, and as such, has temporarily wiped out her social calendar.  I think it’s awesome that she’s gearing up for this big exam, and I support her 100% of course, but I also miss hanging out with her all the time.  I’m definitely closer with her than I am with the other two, and I just miss my buddy, you know?  At least I know she’ll be back in full swing after the exam, and in the meantime I’m being all supportive because I know that’s what she needs.

And then there’s Friend #3… well, I don’t know WHAT to say about this girl.  Suffice it to say, I’ve heard all sorts of rumors going around lately that there are some highly unusual and morally-questionable activities going on lately, and although I don’t want to confront her on it, things have gotten a little weird between her and the rest of us.  It’s all very strange, and I don’t really feel comfortable hanging out with her these days.  I mean, it’s obvious that there’s something going on below the surface that she’s deliberately not telling us, and it just makes being with her very awkward.  So strange.  I’m also kinda pissed that she won’t fess up already.  Whatever, I’m leaving this one alone until things settle down or get sorted out or whatever.

So, without my single girlfriends in tow, what’s a single girl to do???  Umm, hang out with old pseudo-boyfriends and regret it later?  I’m going crazy over here!  I’ve also noticed that I’ve lost interest in my hobbies and the stuff that usually holds my attention because either I’ve been fixated on grad school stuff or I’ve been fixated on the fact that I’m lonely and bored and that my job is getting suckier and suckier now that I have awesome school stuff to compare it to.  It’s like, I spend all day at work bored out of my mind, and then come home to my empty apartment where I’m also bored out of my mind, and every time I try to arrange something social I get shot down simultaneously from 3 different directions.  Listen, I’m not soliciting pity here or anything like that, but I just need to vent about how freaking boring as hell things have become lately!  Ugh!!!

It has gotten to the point where last night I found myself staring at David’s facebook page.  Yes, that David.  Hello??????  I thought to myself, “Well, at least some drama would be better than staring at the walls of my apartment.”  How fucked up is that???  Don’t worry, there is no way in hell I’m getting in touch with him again, but it just goes to show that I feel like I’ve run out of options here.  Blah.  What also sucks is that I’ve been really feeling the club scene lately but I have no one to go out with!  Motherfuckers!  Even the NMP wimped out on me last weekend and wouldn’t go to a club, so we wound up just hanging out at the wine bar instead, which was fun, but geez I want to par-tay, god damn it.

Where’s NYL when I need him???  I know I didn’t get into this on the blog (because it was kind of upsetting at the time), but apparently he “met a girl,” and that pretty much ended our awesome nights of partying/fucking/galavanting.  I miss those nights!  What also sucks is that the entrance of this “girl” essentially ended all contact between the two of us, so we don’t even talk anymore.  Bummer. 

I’m going crazy here!  I really, really need to meet some new people.  Stat.  Dare I put on my rubber boots (or more like full-body latex jumpsuit) and hit the dumpster???  Is there anything good left out there?  Do trolls eat brains?  Do I need a helmet?

Well.  There was no sex, and there were no blowjobs.

But he did wake up naked in my bed on Sunday morning. 

Yeah…. about that.  I’ll tell ya – the entire night/morning was so strange.  I wanted to write about it earlier but really had no idea how to process the information in my head.  Honestly, I still don’t know what to make of it, but this unwritten post has been lingering on the tips of my fingers all week, and I just had to get it out.  I could write an epic saga about this one, but I’ll try to keep it short (for your sake and mine).  Here’s how it all went down:

I had been talking with the NMP all week about how fucking ANGRY I was that he was being so immature, especially after he told me that he was going to be right by my apartment over the weekend (visiting his family who live in the city).  I was like, just fucking stop by on your way home!  He lives allllll the way upstate and is so rarely around, and it would have been such a shame to miss out on this opportunity to catch up after TWO YEARS of not seeing each other.  Finally (finally!) he agreed to stop by, and we made plans to catch up over a glass of wine on Saturday night at one of my favorite wine bars.

We were driving to the bar, and he picked me up, and I swear, when I got in the car with him, I hardly recognized him after all this time.  I had to do a double-take to make sure I wasn’t getting into the car with a complete stranger!  I mean, it was definitely him, but I guess the image I had saved in my mind wasn’t exactly what he looks like in real life.  Strange how that happens.  He didn’t look bad, just different than what I had pictured.  And you know what?  I wasn’t as attracted to him as I had been in the past, and I think that’s a very good thing.

Anyway, it was so weird to actually be in the same car with him after all that time.  Weird, but good.  It’s funny – even though we hadn’t seen each other in so long, I really did feel very close to him after all the hours upon hours of conversations we’ve had over the years.  The whole thing was just so unusual, you know?  But I was happy to see him, and yes, he was happy to see me.  I was glad that this all seemed to be working out after all.

We had fun at the bar.  We found a nice table in the back corner and just chilled out there for a few hours – I was drinking an amazing riesling, and he had a few gin and tonics.  We caught up about everything – work, school, his ex, my miscellaneous dating shenanigans (such that they are), family, friends, the whole nine yards.  It was great! 

But here’s the problem: I was starting to get a little drunk.  Yeah, you know where this is headed.  And I wasn’t the only one getting drunk, so you can’t blame this all on me, right?  Right??  : )  It started with playing with each other’s feet under the table, and then we were making out in his car, and then we were back at my apartment, and then we were naked in my bed.  Damn.  How did that happen???  I swear, there’s no rationalizing with drunken DD.  It’s useless.  Regular DD is an unfortunate bystander when drunken DD is in charge.  I swear.  (You all totally believe me, right?)  : )

But like I said, we didn’t have sex, and I didn’t give him a blowjob.  I did, however, give him a hand job (after which he called me “the ultimate sexual package,” which I think is overstating my hand job skills just a bit, don’t you think?), and there was some decent fingers-in-pussy action.  There was also some pretty hot mutual masturbation, which we’ve done before and is surprisingly good, all things considered.   So really, it was just a minor little drunken hookup, and he spent the night, which was nice.

Noteworthy thoughts that ran through my head that night: (1) I was totally right – hooking up with the NMP is NOT something I want to do – it felt kind of strange and just didn’t click the way it’s supposed to.  I knew this would happen, which is one of the reasons why I didn’t want to do it in the first place, but I went and did it anyway.  Shocking, right?  (2) It was really, really nice to have another warm body in my bed – I had forgotten just how WARM someone else can be, and I really liked glomming onto that mass of heat all night long.  (3) Perhaps the most striking observation for me – I am really, really lonely these days.  Having the NMP over that night was so nice – just to feel the touch of another human being, to be wrapped up in his arms, and even just to have someone to look at when I wake up in the morning.   Someone that I’m comfortable with and that I actually care about as a human being.  It was shocking to me what a huge difference that was from my normal routine, and it underscored how different (and how much better) my life could be if I shared it with someone else.  Geez, how depressing, right?

When he left the next morning, I definitely regretted hooking up with him, but I was kind of sad to see him go.  All told, it was good to catch up with him in person, and it’s a shame that we don’t get together more often.  I think things will be weird between us for a while now, especially because I know he still wants to have sex and I know that I definitely don’t, so we’ll see how our next phone coversation goes (whenever that may be – I’m going to hold off for a few weeks, I think). 

Oh!  And he finally gave me my birthday present – a shiny new vibrator, which I’m happy to report is quite competent in the orgasm-inducing department.  A girl can’t say no to a new vibrator, right?  Oh, the horror!  So of course I accepted it, and of course I tried it out right away.  In fact, just writing this makes me want to go use it again.  : )

But what a strange experience it all was.  It was so weird to feel so close to him but to regret hooking up, you know?  Wait… maybe that’s what this whole “platonic friends” thing is all about. 

[Bangs head against desk.]

I may be 30, but I still have a lot to learn.  Oh DD, you are such a mess, I swear.  But it makes for an interesting story, right?  God help me.

So here’s the plan: I’m starting out at 136 pounds and want to get down to about 125 and stay there.  Last time I got down below 122, which was too thin, even for me.  I admit it.  But I like 125, and I like how my clothes fit at 125, so that’s what I’m aiming for.  Granted, 125 pounds on a 5’8″ body is pretty thin, but I feel so much better that way, both mentally and physically.  So that’s that.  11 pounds to go.  I can do it.  : )

I want that awesome bikini body, damn it!!!  Summer is around the corner.  I learned last time that I can’t maintain 125 and be happy with what I’m eating, but I hope I can stick to it for the summer at least.  As Kate Moss (?) once said, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”  And damn it, I want to be skinny again!  Really skinny.  Wish me luck!

I just find it so hilarious (and perplexing) that my application, which was essentially the same for all four schools, was received so well at some places and so poorly at others — and I’m talking about four schools that are all on the same playing field.  AND I’m talking about a damn good application.  Geez!!!  I am so frustrated by this!  What the fuck????????

I will report back if/when I hear back from the admissions committee and have any further info to share.  For now, I will be moping around my apartment, pouting and throwing a tantrum like a 2-year-old.

In other news, I went for my first run of the season yesterday, and it felt GREAT, although every muscle in my body is sore today.  Dude, I miss running!  I hope this warm weather sticks around at least long enough to get another run or two in before it gets cold and crappy again.  Oh running, how I love thee.  And finally, I’ve been lost in a great book all weekend, which I think I’ll cuddle up in bed with tonight.  Ah, Sunday nights… the calm before the storm. 

Hope you all enjoyed the fantastic northeast weather this weekend!

1.  Out of the four schools I applied to, I have been accepted to three.  Not only that, but I’ve qualified for some pretty nice fellowships at all three (above and beyond the standard grad student stipend), which makes me feel pretty damn awesome.  Yay me!  I think I submitted a strong application, and I’m happy to see that these schools are interested and have been treating me well over the past few weeks.  But… then there’s that fourth school – and not even the hardest one to get into!  Could it BE that they’re rejecting me?  Really???  Oh, the nerve of these people!  How is it that I was offered distinguished fellowships at 3 schools and seem to have been rejected from the fourth?  WTF, people???

But maybe I’m jumping the gun a little.  I haven’t heard either way from this fourth school yet, and I have a feeling that I might be on a waiting list or something, and they’re holding out on giving me a decision until someone else declines, and then maybe I’d get their spot.  If I were flat-out rejected, I have a feeling I would have heard back by now.  Then again, their Open House has passed (without an invitation in my inbox – *sigh*), so I think that’s a pretty clear indication that I’m getting the thumbs down.  Geez! 

I’m not going to try to hide it, mostly because you all already know how I feel about this sort of thing.  I fully admit that I think pretty highly of myself from an academic standpoint, and I am shocked and appalled that I could be getting rejected from this place!  DAMN!!!  Seriously???  My application was fantastic!  I have awesome stats and great recommendations!  And I got into the harder schools with no problem!  What gives?  I’m kinda pissed about this, and when I officially get a decision from them, I wouldn’t be above calling the department to ask what went wrong (assuming I do indeed get rejected – ugh).  So annoying!!!

2.  I just booked another trip to CA (in April) for my third and final campus visit – awesome!  Too bad I couldn’t do both CA schools in one trip, but whatever.  No complaints, especially when I’ll be headed off to a beautiful location with gorgeous WARM weather!  I swear, these CA schools really have the weather on their side when it comes to making the big decision on April 15 (which is seriously looming on the calendar right now).  This trip will be a short one – a one-day visit with travel days immediately before and after – but I think I’ll have a few hours to explore the area a bit.  This trip will be critical, though.  As you know, I absolutely fell in love with my east coast option a few weeks ago, so this CA school will have to absolutely BLOW ME AWAY in order to win over my affection.  Actually, I kind of want them to win me over, because I’m still hanging onto my dream of moving to CA after all…  : )

Oh, and I guess one more thing – I dream about school constantly these days.  Like, all day and all night.  I used to dream about sex all the time, but now I dream about school.  Could it be that I’m getting even dorkier than before???  : )

In other news, I’m feeling rather smug tonight.  While I was away on those campus visits last week, word got out around the office that I’m going back to grad school this fall.  I guess people were like “Why hasn’t DD been in the office all week?” and that was the end of my not-so-secret plan to quit my job in a few months.  Anyway… apparently now everyone knows not only that I’m going back but also exactly which schools I’m looking into, and today I got a great big congratulatory call from one of the senior managers who finally treated me with an ounce of respect.  Apparently a little academic-institution-name-dropping can quickly turn you from a cubicle drone into an intelligent human being.  Well shit then.  Suck on THAT, office managers.  Yes, I really DO have a brain.  And yes, it’s been here all along!  Shocking!

Hmm… what else?  Oh, I developed an interesting theory about why I’m letting this ridiculous NMP situation get to me so much.  Of course the primary reason is that I don’t have anything going on in the dating department these days, so the NMP is something for me to fixate on and an outlet for my need for man-related entertainment.  Honestly, I don’t plan on actively pursuing dating for the rest of my time here in New York, but we’ll see how it goes.  Anyway, my new theory is that the NMP kept me strictly in the friend box for a year and a half while he was dating his ex-girlfriend, and all the while I was waiting for that relationship to be over so that I could attack.  But now that he’s single again, I think I’m turning the tables and taking back the power in my interactions with him.  If I couldn’t have him then, I won’t let him have me now.  And I kind of like exerting that control, however fucked up it may be.  And yes, I admit it… I love to hear him beg for it, and I love to shoot him down.  I want him to cave in and accept that fact that he can’t have me, and it bugs the shit out of me that he won’t submit to my demands.  Am I a horrible person or what?  Hahaha… don’t answer that.  : )

But truth be told, if I met a guy I was actually interested in dating, I’m sure I would drop this NMP thing in a heartbeat.  I need *some* kind of drama in my life, and this is it for now.  Things with NYL have kind of fizzled out lately, so it is what it is. 

Anyway, I’m off for some Irish-style partying (whatever that entails) and hopefully some drunken shenanigans with cute bar monkeys.  Hope you’re all having fun tonight!

Edited to add: 1:00 am – Am drunk.  Met lots of cute boys tonight!  Am feeling very swirly and want to party like I’m an Irish chick every night.  Oh baby.  I think St. Patrick was onto something when he created this holiday.  Hahahaaaaaaaa.  Off to shake my booty as I crawl into bed… yay for fun nights and cute boys and awesome songs from the 90s – ha!

But here’s the good news: it was gorgeous out today – about 60 degrees and sunny, and I got to spend most of the day outside.  The feeling of the warmth of the sun on my face was absolutely wonderful, and I can’t wait until I can feel that everyday.  I’m not so sure that my big move to the west coast is going to happen after all, but I still have the New York summer to look forward to, and I really can’t wait.  Ahhhhh, warmth.  Like I’ve said before, just there’s something amazing about being warm.

Ummm… yeah.  About that.  The fact that I might actually be willing to give that up for an opportunity here in the snowy northeast says A LOT about just how much I loved this place.  As in, I am completely in love.  I love everything about it.  Love it, love it, LOVE IT!  Seriously, I should have done this years ago.  Not to mention the fact that the campus visits this past weekend cemented the fact that I’ve been slowly wasting away in my cube for the past few years doing monkey work.  I mean, I knew this already, but WOW did I underestimate the amazing work that I could be doing in grad school.  Granted, a PhD is not all rainbows and gumdrops, but at least it’ll be challenging work, which will be a big improvement.  And the opportunities are unreal!  It’s total insanity!

And here’s another thing: Remember the five-year BF?  The one whose Facebook page recently announced that he’s getting married?  The break-up all those years ago that stemmed from the fact that we couldn’t agree on which city to live in?  I wanted to stay in New York for my career and my family, and he wanted to move elsewhere for his career and his family, and neither one of us was willing to give up our plans for the other person?  Remember this?  Well, it just so happens that this amazing school that I absolutely fell in love with is in the same damn city that I refused to move to all those years ago.  And no, the irony is not lost on me.  Funny how these things work out.

So I still have more schools to visit, but I have to admit that I’m leaning pretty heavily toward my little slice of snowy heaven here in the northeast.  To say that I’m excited about this opportunity is a massive understatement.  I’m now 100% sure that I’ll be going back to school this fall, and I’m also 100% sure that going back to school is the right move for me, both professionally and personally.  It feels so good to be able to say that.

Oh, and did I mention all the hot, nerdy guys that I came across during the two visits?????  Hello???  Where have you been all my life??????  I swear, I saw more eligible bachelors during the last seven days than I have in probably the last year.  No joke.  This bodes very well for my grad student sex life.  : ) 

Assuming I have time for a sex life, ahem.

I’ll be away from the blog for a few days but will probably be checking back in this weekend.  Hopefully I’ll come back with a few photos of palm trees and my pasty white toes in the ocean, not to mention a good idea of whether this particular school has real potential as my future home.  I am just SO curious as to how this will all turn out, you know?  And to be perfectly honest, I’m just so excited to get out of the northeast!  A rare occurrence for me, as travel doesn’t really fit into my always-too-tight budget. 

As Chandler would say, could I BE any more excited about this upcoming trip???  : )

My plan for tomorrow is to re-join civilization and get my butt back to the office.  As for the rest of today, I’m hanging out on the couch with an upset stomach and a cup of tea.  Maybe tonight I’ll actually be able to eat a decent meal for dinner.  Wish me luck.

Let’s see… how many more days before I can quit my job and sign on the dotted line???  : )

So exciting!!!!

Also, this weekend I witnessed my 4-year-old nephew transform from an ordinary kid into a Michael Jackson dance machine, thanks to YouTube and a little crotch-grabbing encouragement from his father (my brother) – ha.  It was hilarious, actually.  All that dancing and all those old music videos stuck with me, I guess, because tonight I found myself studying the “Smooth Criminal” video and practicing the dance moves in my underwear in front of my bedroom mirror.  HAHAHA!!!  I’m having so much fun with this!  I really need one of those white hats from the video to pull off some of the moves because I find myself reaching up for my non-existent hat, and it looks kind of ridiculous.  Which I suppose implies that the rest of the dancing does NOT look ridiculous, which I’m pretty sure isn’t true.  I think I need a lot more practicing before I bust out these moves the next time I’m at a club, but let the official record show that I’ve already done the moonwalk at a club and am not opposed to doing it again.

Not sure what’s gotten into me this weekend, but I kinda like it.  : )

You’ve been struck by… a smoooooooth crim-i-nal.

I made it very short and sweet – just a sentence or two.  I said that I heard that he was getting married, offered him my congratulations, told him I was going back to school, and said that I hoped he and his family are all doing well.  That’s it.  I feel so much better after hitting send on that email, not so much because of anything to do with his message in particular, but more because it gives me some closure on this issue that has been slowing eating away at me for the last few weeks.  I hate having the ball in my court, so I bounced it right back over to him.  Phew. 

Who knows what, if anything, will happen from here, but it is what it is.  Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, you know?  This one just happened to knock me on my ass, big time.

1.  Grad school campus visits!  Yes, my dears, you read that right.  Pasty white DD is heading off to sunny CA to soak up the sunshine and meet with fellow dorks.  To be fair, I’m also planning a trip here in the northeast.  It just so happens that my warm weather and cold weather trips will be back-to-back, which will be pretty tiring but hopefully well worth it.  The trips are taking place in early March, so this week I’m busy booking airfare and hotels and making arrangements with professors, etc.  If all goes according to plan, I’ll have at least one more trip in the works, potentially in April.  Can’t wait to touch down in CA and bust out my short-sleeved blouses!

2.  NYL and I are cooking dinner together after work tomorrow night.  How freaking cute is this??  We had originally planned to catch a movie, but somehow it turned into cooking dinner at his place.  The choice of what to make is up to me, so I picked up a few ingredients after work today to whip up something that looks really delish in my low-fat vegetarian cookbook (which is saying a lot, all things considered).  I hate to admit it (because we all know this thing with NYL isn’t going anywhere), but I’m totally looking forward to this cooking thing and think it’ll be a lot of fun.  Also, long-time readers may recall that NYL has a hot tub.  What are the chances that my sweet little ass will be soaking in that tub by the end of the night, hmmmm???  : )

All good things ahead, which is what I like to hear.  In fact, I may even have a minute or two to breathe at work tomorrow.  Now wouldn’t *that* be nice.  Phew.

Awesome thing #1: My unofficial acceptance to grad school #1 is now OFFICIAL.  Just received word from the professor this afternoon.  And get this!  My acceptance comes with a full university fellowship (awesome!), a spot in this professor’s exactly-the-type-of-work-I-want-to-do research group (awesome!), and an invitation to visit in March with all travel expenses taken care of (awesome!).  I mean, seriously, how much more awesome can this possibly get?????  I am FLOORED by this news and am so completely humbled to have been officially offered at spot in this professor’s group.  I mean, damn, this is pure craziness.  What’s next, winning lotto numbers??  : )

Awesome thing #2: Got an email from NYL earlier today asking me out to the movies.  Aww, how cute.  : )  I have to admit, I’m getting the warm-fuzzies for NYL all over again.  He told me that after we hung out last weekend, he was walking around with a big smile on his face all day.  I mean, hello?  Cuteness, right???  Oh dear lord… somebody slap be back into reality!

Awesome thing #3: I had some killer sushi for dinner.  No better way to end a great day than with some great food, right?  YUM. 

I’m off to continue my happy dance around my apartment!  I already called my mom!  We are all super excited!  I can’t seem to adequately convey how exciting this, even by using a ton of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!  Hahahaha.

And yes, I absolutely refuse to be humble about this.  Go me!!!!

I was so happy about this one that I was actually crying on my way home from work today.  Super excited.  I am all smiles tonight.

As I touched on earlier in the week, I essentially got an unofficial acceptance to grad school on Tuesday.  This is very exciting not only because I feel like this going-back-to-school thing is going to actually work out now, but because this school was the hardest one to get into (out of the 4 schools that I applied to) and represents an opportunity with a professor that I have been drooling over for a while now.  In essence, I am still flipping out over this and have let out more than my fair share of screams and happy dances.  It’s been completely unreal.  Out of all the craziness that went down this week, this was by far the best.  : )

Throughout all this school excitement, work has been crazy all week.  I worked late almost every night and even had to drive out to middle-of-nowhere New Jersey on Thursday and Friday.  I’ve gone out to NJ for work before, and it’s usually not a big deal (just have to get up a little earlier in the morning), but Thursday morning we had a bit of a snowstorm and the roads were absolutely horrible.  There was no salt, no sand, and no plowing.  People were sliding all over the place.  I witnessed a bunch of accidents and almost got into one myself.  Finally, after I was sufficiently terrified, I decided to turn around and come back to New York, figuring that if I had to be on the road and stuck in horrible traffic, at least I wanted to be heading back in the right direction.  I’ve lived in the northeast my entire life and know how to drive in the snow, but the situation on Thursday morning was pretty ridiculous.  As if I didn’t have enough work-related stress this week!

So I get back to my office on Thursday and am having a crazy hectic afternoon, when all of a sudden a fucking atomic bomb goes off in my inbox.  This was the worst possible timing, I swear.  The email was from…. are you ready for this?… the five-year BF. 

… Let us all take a minute to let that sink in …

Yes, the five-year BF who I contacted last spring in a completely delusional attempt to start something up again.  The five-year BF who I will always, always have feelings for because, honestly, he was the first (and only) man I’ve ever truly loved.  The five-year BF who, as I had found out earlier in the week via Facebook, is now engaged to someone else.  Yeah.  I know.  How random that I had stumbled upon him on Facebook on Tues or Wed, and now on Thursday an email from him is burning a hole in my inbox.  WTF, universe???  (God, I hate Facebook.)

I was actually ok with finding out that he’s engaged.  Surprisingly ok, actually.  We haven’t been in touch, and we broke up over 4 years ago at this point, and I can honestly say that I’m happy for him.  He’s a good guy and I truly want the best for him.  Of course it stung a bit, but overall I was handling it very well.  But then… that email.  He gave me his cell number and wants me to call him so we can “catch up.”  What, he wants to tell me that he’s getting married?  Do I really want to hear it coming from that all-too-familiar voice?  Ugh, I don’t know if I can handle talking to him without instantly bursting into tears.  I haven’t yet decided what to do about that email… so for now it’s been festering in my inbox.  I’ll deal with it when I figure out what (if anything) I want to do.  Needless to say, the rest of my hectic afternoon was completely unproductive.

Then late yesterday evening, as I was driving back from NJ after another busy day, guess who called me?  DAVID, that motherfucker!  Damn, first the five-year BF randomly contacts me after who knows how long, and now David is reappearing after that disaster of a dinner ~4 months ago?  What the fuck?!?!?!?!??????  This is too much for a girl to handle!  I did NOT pick up the phone but almost had a heart attack when I saw him on the caller ID, which was really bad timing considering that I was already exhausted and falling asleep at the wheel – the last thing I needed was another distraction, especially such a slimy one. 

I angrily threw my phone on the passenger seat and didn’t listen to the voicemail until I finally got back to my apartment.  First of all, I was shocked that he even left a message considering that calling late on a Friday night is obviously a booty call (and really, the only reason that he ever gets in touch with me in the first place).  The voicemail was so weird, I swear.  He said that he wanted to check in, get back in touch, etc.  He hoped that the grad school thing was working out well for me, and — so typical — he told me that I can “call him anytime for anything at all.”  WTF does that mean?  He always used to pull out that kind of shit, and I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now.  Whatever.  I deleted the message and that’s the end of the story.

Moving right along… tonight I’m meeting up with NYL for what I hope will be a fun, relaxing night of drinking, live music, and smokin’ hot sex.  I could really use a drama-free night right about now, so I hope this works out well.  As much as everyone on this blog loves to hate NYL (hahaha, don’t deny it, peeps), I actually have fun with him and he carries sub-zero drama compared to everyone else in my life these days.  We had a great time last time, and I’m looking forward to Round 2.

Why does it feel like Return of the Exes around here?  There was that crazy call from the NMP a few weeks ago, and this week I’ve been in contact with with five-year BF, stupid David, and NYL tonight.  Who’s next?  My old high school boyfriend?????  God, I fucking hope not!  (BTW, I found out through Facebook that he got married!  My only reaction: ewwwwww.  Hahaha.)  I need a 12-step program to permanently extricate myself from all this past drama, seriously.

Well… except for NYL because I totally need to hit that tonight.  : )

Anyway, that’s the story.  Can you believe all this shit????  I slept for 12 hours last night because I was so completely exhausted and so overwhelmed by everything that went down this week.  I swear, if something else pops up in the next few weeks, I’m going to check myself into a spa or something and not come out until summer.  Actually, I think I need a drink.

This is super exciting because, as I said last time, this professor is someone who I would really love to work with at a university that I would really love to attend.  I’d have to iron out a few kinks if this were to actually work out, but I’ll cross that bridge if/when I come to it.  For now, I’m excited that all signs seem to be pointing toward an acceptance and funding offer, although (of course) I’m still waiting for the official decision to come in, which may take several more weeks.  But holy shit!  This is a good sign.  The adrenaline is pumping.  There is a big smile on my face.  I’m so glad I’m doing this.

Oh, and can I just say?  All those years of being a smartypants are TOTALLY paying off here.  : )

Holy fucking shit, I’m 30 years old today!!!  : )  Can you believe it?  Little DD is a big, bad, 30-year-old ADULT???  I’m still shaking my head in disbelief.  I’m also in quite a bit of disbelief at what an AWESOME 30th birthday bash I had last night, complete with the amazing paella you see above and all my friends and family gathered to celebrate.  There was a ton of food, an unending stream of wine, lots of very loud laughter, gifts, dancing, and debauchery of all sorts.  The perfect way to ring in the big day!  I feel so loved, aww.  : )

There is a lot I could say about turning 30, but I’m sure everyone goes through pretty much the same thing, right?  I’ll sum it up by saying that I really do feel like I did all the crazy things you’re supposed to do in your 20s, I hear that your 30s are even better, and I’m especially excited about what this year will bring in terms of grad school, moving, etc.  I think 30 will be a great year, and it really does feel just about right.  I think I’m ready to be a real adult… kind of.  : )

Thanks to everyone for the very thoughtful birthday wishes – I love you guys!!!

NYL and I are still exchanging FB messages and are tying to plan a little get together for next week.  I get all excited when the little “inbox (1)” light pops on.  It’s nauseating, really.  : )  I can’t help it!

I’m off to start prepping for the big 30th birthday bash this weekend.  Lots of apartment cleaning to do.  I also picked up a cute little outfit for my par-tay on Saturday night.  Can’t wait!