See you in the shitter, brotha.

Edited to add: A statement issued by ABC (discussed in this article - WARNING: SPOILERS) at least clears up some confusion.  Funny, I actually prefer my interpretation of the finale before I heard about this rather than what I’m thinking now.  So I guess my impression of the finale just got worse.  Ugh.

Edited to add (again): After reading a decent splattering of online LOST finale reviews, and after processing my own thoughts on the finale a little more, here’s my conclusion: Despite my high hopes that, based on six edge-of-your-seat seasons, LOST would blow me away and take over as my all-time favorite TV series, the finale was a total let-down and – dare I say it – pretty fucking lame.  So my all-time favorite is still Six Feet Under, as it has been for the past few years and as I suspect it will be for a while to come.  Sorry, LOST.  You are dead to me.

Oh – OH! – and the fact that answers are supposedly coming as a bonus feature to what I assume will be a ridiculously high-priced DVD box set?  LAME!  What, it’s all about extortion of the fans now?  We won’t explain anything on TV, but if you drop 100 (150?  200?) bucks we just might give you a little something to chew on?  Not cool, writers.  Not cool.

Hey, at least I admit it.  I’ve never been shy about my list of dating requirements, and my recent post is no exception.  In fact, it (rather predictably) stirred up quite a debate about the role of education in dating.  Should education have have a role at all in choosing potential dates?  If so, how much weight does it really deserve in the grand scheme of things?  What, if anything, does one’s educational background really tell you about one’s personality, talent, and potential for success in life and in a relationship?  And why the hell am I such a hard-ass when it comes to the educational background of the guys I date?

Well, my dears, I have a smartass answer to all of these questions, of course.  However, before we get started with what I’m sure will be another controversial post, allow me to present the following disclaimer.  Let’s all keep in mind that the opinions and personal preferences I express in this post are simply that – the opinions and personal preferences – of one single woman.  I’m not saying I’m right.  I’m not saying you’re wrong.  I’m simply saying that this what I want, and this is what has worked for me (to varying degrees) in the past.  I’m not perfect.  In fact – and long-time readers know this all too well – I do stupid shit all the time.  I am by no means an expert on this topic.  I’m just presenting my own personal thoughts on the issue, and I welcome yours in return.

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let’s dive in…

First, a confession.  I’m not sure I’ve ever really gotten into this on the blog prior to last week’s post, but here’s a little peek into the real life of the woman behind this blog.  I’m kind of a smartypants.  Actually, to put it more accurately, I’m really good at playing the “school” game.  I know what to do to get an A in every class I take, and I’ve done just that.  I was my high school valedictorian, and I absolutely worked my sweet little ASS off to maintain a 4.0 GPA throughout four years of college and two years of grad school.  I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to attend two top-notch schools, and I absolutely took advantage of that opportunity to the fullest extent possible.  I place an extremely high value on education.  I respect it, I admire it, and I know what it takes to get to the finish line because I’ve been there myself.  My GPA is my “claim to fame,” as I always say to my real-life acquaintances, and you wouldn’t believe the doors it has opened for me over the years.  It’s my most prized possession, and I’m incredibly proud of it.  It represents so much more than a simple number on a piece of paper ever could – it represents all the nights when I passed up partying for studying, it represents my love of learning and my passion for excellence, and it represents my extremely competitive nature and my desire and ability to crush the competition, squeezing the very life out of them like a helpless bug under the sole of my heavy, pompous, totally elitist Ivy League shoe.  I know exactly how this comes off, and I know what you’re thinking.  Call me what you will, but this is me, for better or for worse, and I’m not ashamed to put it out there. 

Recall that my “dating requirements” regarding education are as follows:

• MUST HAVE at least a bachelor’s degree
• Advanced degree strongly preferred
• College(s) with a good reputation strongly preferred
• High GPA strongly preferred

Note that I’m not asking for anything on this list that I don’t have myself – what’s fair is fair, after all.  Also note that I’m not asking for the impossible; there are plenty of guys who meet these criteria.  In fact, I’m sure many of you reading this post meet these criteria – both men and women alike.  Come out of the woodwork, people!

The motivation behind my college degree requirement and other educational preferences is ridiculously simple and was discussed in the comments on last week’s post: I’m looking for a guy that’s just like me, that I can relate to, and that can relate to me.  I’m looking for someone with similar experiences and similar views, someone who has taken a similar path in life and who puts the same value on education that I do.  Someone who gets all my esoteric references to classic literature and scientific theories and who laughs at my stupid nerdy jokes.  Someone who has an arsenal of nerdy esoteric jokes of their own.  Someone who cringes at the thought misusing “affect” and “effect.”  Someone who can name the main characters in “Atlas Shrugged.”  Someone who can calculate the trajectory of a projectile on the back of a napkin at dinner.  I just want someone whose dorky idiosyncrasies make me smile and who knows exactly what I’m thinking when I give him “the look” because he’s been in my shoes, and I’ve been in his.  Deep down, I think a lot of people want this.  Educational background is simply a tool that I use to try to find my dorky counterpart.

A secondary motivation is personal experience in screening potential dates over many years of dating.  Simply put, I’ve noticed that men without college degrees tend to turn me off immediately for a wide variety of reasons that tend to be similar from guy to guy.  I could go on here, but at the risk of offending way too many people, I’ll leave it at that.  It’s a personal preference.

To be perfectly, bluntly, unabashedly honest, I think I’m “kind of a big deal” when it comes to education.  To put it even more simply, I think I fucking rock.  I’m not a Harvard grad, I don’t have a genius grant, and I’m not in Mensa, but I think I’m pretty fucking awesome when it comes to educational clout and pedigree.  Is it so wrong for me to want a partner on a similar level?  Is it so wrong for me to want to relate to my boyfriend/husband/whatever on that level?  Is it so wrong for me to want an educational equal, someone who’s fought the fight, crushed the competition, came out on top, and who wears the pride of their accomplishments boldly on their forehead for all to see?  Is it so wrong to want someone who understands – and shares – my motivations, values, and ideals, and someone who’s felt my blood, sweat, and tears firsthand? 

Honestly, I really don’t think so.

Plus, it’s completely my prerogative.  To each his own.  To me, a college degree signals a level of familiarity with the path that I’ve taken in my own life, and my other educational preferences are the icing on the cake.  This is what I want, and I’ve worked TOO DAMN HARD to settle for anything less.

Getting back to the questions that I raised at the beginning of this post… here are my snarky and completely personal responses:

1.  Should education have have a role at all in choosing potential dates?  For me, absolutely.  It’s important to me, and it should be important to my date as well.

2.  If so, how much weight does it really deserve in the grand scheme of things?  For me, quite a bit.  There are a bunch of things that I don’t care about (Divorced?  Kids?  No problem.), but education is a deal-breaker for me and therefore deserves quite a bit of weight in the screening process.

3.  What, if anything, does one’s educational background really tell you about one’s personality, talent, and potential for success in life and in a relationship?  Personality – a lot, in terms of compatibility with my personality.  Talent and potential for success in life – probably nothing.  Potential for success in a relationship – almost certainly nothing.  Potential for success in a relationship with me – a lot, for all the reasons I discuss above.

4.  And why the hell am I such a hard-ass when it comes to the educational background of the guys I date?  Dude, because I wanna be. 

So there you have it.  Call me what you will, but this is me – crazy DD.  : )

One final note: Thanks to reader/commenter Mr_Right for sharing this article entitled “Marry Him!”  I swear, this woman was reading my mind when writing it.  As a single woman nearing the big 3-0, I’d venture to say that it’s a pretty accurate representation of the dating scene as viewed by a 30-ish single woman.  Go check it out.  I’m not sure that I agree with everything she says (particularly the argument that, as you get older, settling is better than nothing), but I have to admit that a teeny, tiny part of me was like, “well, maybe a degree-less husband WOULD be better than an empty apartment.”  In light of my entire post above, that’s saying a lot.

When my phone rings and I get all excited that you might actually be calling me, and then my caller ID says it’s my dad, I get a little disappointed.  When it’s been over a week since I’ve last heard from you, I start to get a little annoyed.  When I think about the fact that one of you is surgically attached to your email, and the other one thinks a txt can substitute for an actual conversation, and neither one of you is willing to actually pick up the phone like a normal human being, it makes me want to swear off men for good.

Please take this into account the next time you’re trying to get an ex to sleep with you, ok?  Because I refuse to tolerate this bullshit.

End of rant.

I bought the album knowing that “Know Your Enemy” was the newest single, and being absolutely in love with every Green Day song that pops up on the radio (including this one), I figured I’d like the entire album and might as well just cough up the cash for my own little slice of Green Day heaven.  And dudes, it did not disappoint.  In addition to “Know Your Enemy,” the other big single on the album is “21 Guns.”  Have you heard this yet?  I haven’t heard it on the radio and had the pleasure of listening to it for the first time this afternoon, and I have to say, I really dig it, for lack of a more sophisticated expression.  : )  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and energized and mellow in all the right places, know what I mean?  It’s also getting more and more clear with each album that they release that they’ve come a long way from the teen-angst garage-band stuff (which I loved, don’t get me wrong) and have evolved into something really interesting and intriguing.  Go check out “21 Guns” when you get a chance, and let me know what you think. 

I actually haven’t gotten to the end of the album yet, so I have a few more goodies waiting for me tomorrow.  Considering the lack of excitement in my life these days, it’s comforting to know that I’ve got a little Billie Joe on the back burner.  If only I could get my hands on him in person…  : )

When she first told me that she started seeing him again, I was pretty surprised and said something like, “WTF, are you sure you want to do that after the way he treated you last time, and the time before that, etc.?”  And when she told me that things weren’t quite going as well as she had hoped, I was like, “Well, are you sure this is what you want?  I mean, please be careful with this situation because remember all the shit you told me about this guy in the past?”  And then she told me that she had decided that she wasn’t going to see him anymore, and I was like, “You know, it might be for the best considering he seems to be upsetting you just like he had always done before.”  And just a few days ago she told me that she was hanging out with him again last week, and, this time, I didn’t say anything at all.  It’s really not my place to say anything, but this situation is getting out of control.

It’s extremely obvious to me (and to her, since she openly admits it) that he doesn’t give a shit about her and is using her for sex, someone to hang out with, sex, something to do, sex, someone to chat on the phone with, and did I mention sex?  For a while, I was really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.  Hey, I had never met this guy, and she was engaged to him, so what did I know?  Well, my dears, then I met him.  And yeah, he’s kind of a jerk.  Actually, he’s a really big jerk, and I can’t understand why this very nice girl would want to expend her valuable time and effort on this guy.  Ok, well I guess I can understand it – she’s still in love with him (which she openly admits), and she’s holding on to something that, unfortunately, ended a long time ago, and she just isn’t ready to let go yet.  (Hmm, a girl holding on to a guy who’s using her for sex because she actually has feelings for him… remind you of any jerk-boys I’ve come across lately?)  I can definitely understand where she’s coming from, but as an outsider looking in, I think I see the situation a little more objectively than she does, and I really, REALLY want to express my un-censored opinion on the matter.

But I don’t do it because, honestly, it really is none of my business, and I’m not so sure I would welcome a similar opinion if the tables were turned.  Then again, since I really do care about this girl, am I obligated as her friend to lay the smackdown, whether she likes it or not?  What would you do in this situation?  I see her getting more and more attached, and more and more depressed/upset as the weeks wear on, and I absolutely hate the entire situation.  I hate seeing her upset, I hate when she tells me that she cries all night, and I hate hearing about how she keeps going back for more.  I hate when he says he’ll call her and then never does, and I hate when she says she won’t call him again and then does it.  I hate that his presence in her life is preventing her from exploring other options, and I hate that he gets to use my very nice friend as his own personal plaything. 

Ah, what’s a girl to do?  Should I take off the filter and turn my friendly/supportive/gently nudging suggestions into flat-out/brutally honest/what-the-hell-are-you-thinking commentary?  Or perhaps somewhere in the middle?  I feel the need to say something more, but I’m holding myself back because I don’t want to intrude and I don’t want her to resent me for it.  I feel like this situation is so complicated and is just getting worse, but who am I to judge, you know?  I guess I’ll have to mull it over some more… but I don’t want to wait until the situation explodes (which it always does with this guy) and I find my friend in severe emotional turmoil (yet again). 

Why do we keep running back to these jerk-boys even though we know better?  And if we’re set on running back to them, is anyone’s opinion going to even matter?

Issue #1: The FDA will soon make Plan B available to 17-year-old girls.

This is such a complicated issue, but I’m fully in support of this move.  Listen, teenagers do stupid shit.  (Hell, adults do stupid shit!)  Teenage girls who want to have unprotected sex are going to do it, no matter what their parents tell them, regardless of whether Plan B is available to them or not.  That’s just the way it is.  I really don’t see the harm in allowing 17-year-olds to purchase Plan B without their parents’ permission or a prescription or whatever, especially if it will reduce unwanted pregnancy and give these girls an option after they inevitably do something stupid.  Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard all the arguments that this will just encourage more stupid behavior and minors shouldn’t be able to make these decisions for themselves and blah blah blah etc.  I know.  But honestly, if I were 17 and discovered I was pregnant [oops!] “accidentally” had unprotected sex, being able to go to the drug store and take this pill would seriously save my life.  Granted, I knew MUCH better than to have unprotected sex when I was 17 and couldn’t imagine getting myself into this situation in the first place, but whatever.  Teenagers are dumb.  I think this is a good move.

Issue #2: Abstinence-only education is being practiced in many U.S. high schools.

In short, I think this is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard in my entire 29 years of life.  I mean, WHAT THE FUCK.  As I said above, teenagers who want to have sex are GOING TO DO IT, no matter what anyone else tells them, particularly adults.  Again, this is a complicated issue, but here’s how it all boils down, in my opinion: telling teenagers not to have sex is just going to make them want to do it even more.  Not telling them how to protect themselves is akin to directly and purposefully endangering the sexual and reproductive health of American teenagers across the board.  Why in the world would anyone willingly do this???  I just can’t wrap my head around it.  Again, I’ve heard all the arguments and know what the opposition is saying.  I fully encourage educating teenagers about the risks inherent in sexual activity, and I even support education that encourages them to wait, etc.  But to flat-out deny these kids essential information about protecting their health by purposefully omitting it from sex education classes should be punishable as a crime.  Seriously.  Wake up, people.  Kids are having sex.  It’s about time we accepted that and left religious beliefs out of the equation.  Your kid is not going to be able to be a good Christian if she gets infected with an STD and dies before she reaches college.  Wake the fuck up.

Issue #3: The Catholic church still doesn’t support any form of birth control.

Listen peeps, I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school for almost 18 years, during which time I was brainwashed with all sorts of bullshit.  I have since abandoned the Catholic church because, in my opinion, it is one of the most backwards religions out there, and I didn’t go to college for all those years only to abandon scientific evidence and believe crazy stories for the sole reason that everyone else has been believing them for hundreds of years.  No thanks.  One of my biggest beefs with the Catholic church is their continued teaching that any and all forms of birth control are “wrong.”  Didn’t the Pope recently visit Africa, see the devastation of HIV/AIDS, and still uphold the church’s anti-contraceptive teachings?  Is that fucked up beyond belief or what???  Again, I simply cannot wrap my mind around why anyone would do this.  It’s unbelievable.  Wake up: we live in the 21st century.  This also ties in to the abstinence-only education discussion above, all the issues surrounding abortion, and so many other issues, but I won’t get into all that right now.  Suffice it to say that I’m very pro-contraception, pro-abortion, pro-sex education, etc., and I think religious beliefs play WAY too large of a role in many people’s thoughts on these issues.  Not tyring to offend anyone here, just stating my opinion.

Issue #4: Gay marriage is still illegal in most U.S. states.

This is a big one.  My opinion on same-sex marriage has always been, and continues to be, this: What harm does allowing a same-sex couple to get married cause to anyone?  Who is it hurting, honestly???  Why the fuck should I, or anyone else (particularly the state and federal government!) have any say in who you want to marry?  When did anyone inherit that right?  I think it is absolutely ASTONISHING that we have laws in this country that specifically require that employers, etc. do not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, but we continue to purposefully and vehemently deny homosexual couples one of the most basic human rights out there.  This absolutely blows my mind.  And yet again, I think religious beliefs are interfering with politics here in a huge and very inappropriate way.  Since when does one person’s religious belief prevent another person from doing something?  Oh right, this sort of shit has been going on since the dawn of time!  Isn’t it about time that we let it go?  I am personally ashamed to live in a state where gay marriage has not yet been legalized, but it seems that the tides are changing, and rumor has it that New York will soon follow other states who have grown a pair of balls on this issue.  It can’t come soon enough.

So there you have it.  Rant over.  I just had to get that out!

I’m in love with you, but the love is gone.
It ain’t over baby, ‘cuz we still can bone…
I see that day you left me, for another dude,
And now your heart is empty, feeling so confused.
Now you want me back, trying to re-attach,
Begging “please” on your knees, trying to suck me back!
But you done broke my heart into a million pieces,
I should’ve seen it coming, wish I had telekinesis!
I said you broke my heart into a million pieces…
I can’t love you, but I can fuck you ’til you call me Jesus!

How friggin awesome is that???  I mean, seriously, “Begging ‘please’ on your knees, trying to suck me back?”  LOVE IT!!!  And I love that they play this shit on the radio in the middle of the day, totally uncensored.  What’s not to love???  Oh Kanye, I might just have to add you to my list of unattainable men if you keep coming out with lyrics like this.  Swoon.

I was trying to think if I’ve ever been in a situation like this – some guy breaks up with me for another girl, then realizes she’s a skanky bitch and comes crawling back (offering oral sex as a proverbial olive branch, no less!), but I tell him to fuck off, I’ll never date him again, but we can fuck until he begs for mercy.  Umm… I don’t think has ever happened to me.  Damn it!!!  But if it ever does, now I have the perfect soundtrack for when I fuck him all night long and then throw him away, back on the streets of New York to find another skanky bitch who won’t be as good as me.  Hahahaha, if only my life were this totally awesome.  : )

I wish I could use that “trying to suck me back” line in real life… or at work, even.  Picture it: Some jerk cuts me off a project in favor of some clearly incompetent asshole, only to realize that I was the best thing to happen to that project since sliced bread.  When he asks if I would come back, I could say, “Really, bitch?  You tryin’ to suck me back???”  Hmm, I don’t think that would quite work, but it would be friggin cool. 

Oh, if only I could incorporate more Kanye lyrics into my everyday life.  I could be totally gangsta and throw boys around like used-up chew toys.  I think I have a long way to go from to get from dork to gangsta, but at least I have ambitions.  Hahahaha.  : )

Not so much lately.  Or rather, way too much.  I don’t know what’s been going on lately, but I have been crying A LOT.  Like, way more than usual, and this little phase that I’m going through has lasted much longer than the typical, predictable hormonal cycle.  Not sure what’s going on, but whatever it is, I’ve been going through tissues like crazy.  Also, I’m starting to develop these semi-permanent bags under my eyes from the constant swelling, tear production, and eye wiping.  What the fuck, I mean really?  I guess I have just been really sensitive lately, probably heightened by the fact that I’m on vacation from work, which means more time to mull over whatever craziness happens to be going through my head.  The latest trigger?  Movies.  Sad movies.  Movies with dying protagonists and undying romance.  This gets me every time.  Ah, I can be such a girl sometimes.

I did something today that I’ve never done in my entire 28 years of life – I went to the movies by myself.  I know, right?  Craziness!  But get this: it was AWESOME.  The movie-induced sobbing fest was unencumbered by the presence of a friend or a date, so I just let it all out and, to be honest, had a fabulous time.  Must do this more often.  On the way home, I started thinking about other movies that have resulted in crying fits, and I noticed that they all have someone dying at the end.  Yes, death is sad, especially when the dead guy leaves behind someone who will love him until the end of time.  Awwww… I can feel the tears welling up already.  So without further rambling, I present to you my little list of movies/tv shows that have made me sob like a baby, complete with the most tear-jerking parts.  Warning: spoiler alert.  Read on at your own risk.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – Just went to see this movie today.  I was in the mood for a movie that would make me cry, and this did not disappoint.  It seems that poor Benjamin and Daisy just cannot figure out how to deal with Benjamin’s little time-warp problem, resulting in an all-around sad and depressing movie that had my face covered in tears by the end of it.  Most tear-inducing lines: “Goodnight Daisy.  Goodnight Benjamin.”  Awww, this poor couple was doomed from the start.

Brokeback Mountain – Totally awesome movie that I would highly recommend, hands down.  Again, this couple is doomed from the start.  Unlike Benjamin Button, however, this movie is truly outstanding and benefits from superb acting and the kind of subtlety that you don’t often find in big-budget movies.  For me, the most tear-inducing line is the very last line in the movie: “Jack, I swear…”  Excellent.  Damn it, where is my tissue box???

Titanic – Ok, I’m a girl, how could I NOT include this one?  I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say, this movie still gets me every time, even though I’ve seen it more times than I care to admit.  The line that still always gets me is at the very end when Rose gives her name as, “Dawson.  Rose Dawson.”  Awwwwwwwwww.  Undying love at its cheesy best.

Six Feet Under – This tv series was, in my opinion, phenomenal.  I ate it up with a spoon.  And while I loved the entire series, the finale really made me cry like a baby for many, many hours after it was over.  The finale takes you through the life and death of all the main characters, with each one more tear-jerking than the next.  I swear, I don’t remember crying this much in a long time.  Please please watch this series on DVD if you haven’t already.  It’s totally awesome.

Meet Joe Black – Of all the movies and all the tv shows that I’ve watched over the years, Meet Joe Black takes the prize for the most tears generated, by far.  Between the father dying and Brad Pitt coming back to life at the very end, this movie has it all.  Not to mention the kind of creepy vibe and the very slow, purposeful language used throughout the movie.  It all comes together in a sobbing fest which usually keeps me up half the night and results in a pile of tissues on my bedroom floor in the morning. 

By the way, if anyone is still reading this sappy post, I’m impressed.  : )

Oh, and one more thing – I’ve been really digging Pink’s Sober lately.  This song is just the right combination of tough chick and creepy/depressing that really gets me going.  Love the lyrics, love the music, love the bad-ass factor.  I’m not usually a fan of Pink, but this song is good.  Note to local radio stations: please play this when I’m in the car.  Ok?  Thanks.

Ok, I’m off to try to survive the night without another crying fest.  Wish me luck.  I promise that if I run into an undying romance type of movie on tv tonight that I will promptly change the channel.  Probably.  Well, it depends on what it is… oh god, where is my damn tissue box???

Anyway, below is a list of things that I, The Dateable Dork, hereby do solemnly swear NEVER to do.  EVER.  I mean it.  If you see me doing any of these things, SLAP ME HARD.  Oh baby, that’s right, you know I like it hard…

1. Turn into a bridezilla.
2. Ask my friends to wear a strapless dress that weighs about 50 pounds.
3. Have a wedding that involves more than about 10 people.

Simple enough, right?  Why can’t life be this simple????  *Sigh*  I love my friends, but oh baby, I am getting a little sick of this.

Coming up tomorrow: my letter to Santa.  : )

I am SO sick of all my friends getting married, having babies, buying houses, and sending me all their little updates on their holiday cards.  It makes me want to puke!  Now don’t get me wrong, I really am happy for them, and I love them, and I wish them all the happiness in the world.  But I just wish all their happiness wasn’t slapping me in the face everyday when I pick up my snail mail or check my inbox or my voicemail.  And the worst part of this whole situation?  I have to put on my “fake happy” face and tell them how happy I am for them and how I’m so excited for them and how the world is just full of rainbows and gumdrops and fancy invitations and smiling babies. 

Yes, you can unleash the backlash now. 

I know this is an absolutely horrible thing to say.  I know I am a bad person.  I really AM happy for them, but I just need a break!  I need to find more people who are jaded and alone like I am.  I need to find people who have nothing to write in their holiday cards except “Happy Holidays.”  Is that really so much to ask?  Well, is it???

Now that I’ve put this all in writing, I’m probably going to have some horribly bad luck tomorrow.  Maybe I’ll get struck by lightning, I don’t know.  But what I DO know is that this has been bothering me for a long time now, and it’s getting to the point where I can see myself slowly withdrawing from these friends.  Really.  I don’t respond to emails right away.  Maybe they’ll leave a voicemail and I won’t call back.  Maybe they’ll send an Evite and I won’t respond.  Maybe I’ll skip a party or “forget” their kid’s birthday.  Anything to avoid having to put on that repulsive “fake happy” face again.  It physically hurts me to make that fake smile, to force that fake laugh, to write all those congratulatory cards.  It hurts.  I hate it.  And I’m sick of it. 

So there you have it.  I am a truly horrible person.  I’m lonely and jealous and jaded.  I don’t know what else to say for myself – that’s all I’ve got tonight.

The article is entitled: “More sex, less stress”

Hello???????  Ya think??????

Man, I am totally in the wrong business.  I WISH I could get paid to come up with this shit.  I’ll have you know that I didn’t even read the article because I was so astounded by the sheer awesomeness of the title.  Like, duuuhhhhhh.  As Charlie Brown would say, good fucking grief.